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36
Falling in love with
Death and his clockworks, though you're
still clinging to life.
 Jan 2017 stéphane noir
maxime
Sometimes I wonder if you still think of me
I’d like to think I was important enough for you to remember
But a part of me knows that I was just temporary entertainment
A part of me knows that I was but a pest
You let live a while longer than the rest
So you have moved on with your life,
You’ve probably found a new toy to entertain you by now,
And I am sitting in your dust,
Wondering if you’ll ever come back for me.
To Love You Is To Love Malnourished.

You used to serve I Love Yous with my Morning Coffee.
Kisses With My Creamer.
Sing “You Are My Sunshine” With My Sugar.
Stir It up in a blender.

To Love You Is To Love Malnourished.

You Used to ask Questions About My Day.
Serve Feedback With My Steak.
Sing To The Records That I’d Play.
I Think About You Every Day.

To Love You Is To Love Malnourished

Now Days and Nights are all too Similar.
Missing You Has Become All Too Familiar.
I Miss You In The Summer, The Fall, And The Winter.
I Look into the Mirror.
At My Figure Without Filter.
I Don’t Know My Mom, My Dad, Or My Sister.
Tears Flow Like a River.

To Love You Is To Love Malnourished

To Wake up at Midnight.
Write a Poem about the Moonlight.
Write our Names out and then Rewrite
You’re My Busted Up Brake Light
Unable to Fly Box Kite
Poems That I Recite
Late To School Stop Lights
Oklahoma Frostbite

To Love You Is To Love Malnourished
Look at Every Picture.
Listen to The Scriptures.
Wish That I Could Be With Her.
Wish Our Love Was Thicker, and Richer, and Didn’t Go Quicker.

To Love You Is To Love Malnourished

When The One That You Love You Have To Unsee.
They What You Love You Have To Set Free.
Choice A was to Love, She Choose Choice B.
Call Me Rude, Hateful, and OutRight Obscene.
But To love You Like I Do Is Painful and Weak.

To Love You Is To Love Malnourished.
If you tell your friends you want to **** yourself,
They'll either leave or tell your mother.
By telling your mother, then at least they did something,
By leaving, they won’t have to deal with it.
But once they leave they’ll push you to a breaking point,
And you’ll find yourself clutching the gun to your chest.
Because they left, they’ll have to tell strangers why they didn’t stop you.
They'll eventually find themselves thinking the same way you did,
Because their used-to-be friend tried to killed themself,
And they acted as conspirators to an attempted homicide.
Apologies for the morbid piece. Please seek help if you have feelings or thoughts of suicide <3
She tells me it takes time,
but what is time?
The passing of moments
that turn into hours
that make up the days
that stretch into weeks
that fill up the months
that linger as years?

It takes time to heal.
I cut my arm once.
It was on purpose.
Deep enough to need stitches
but I didn’t see a doctor.
Instead I watched time pass.
Time was red blood flowing
Into slowly clotting drying blood
Into stiff inflexible scab
Into peeling, pusing dead skin
Into pink jagged itchy new skin
Into scar, also known as memory.

It takes time to forgive.
My fingers run over that scar
and time stands still
as it rushes through my brain:
Time is in my mind’s eye
Four-year old me slipping on glasses
for the first time,
Seven-year old me slipping on glasses
after they were slapped off and shattered, again,
Twelve-year old me slipping on glasses
after they were slapped off and shattered, again,
Sixteen-year old me slipping on glasses
after they were slapped off and shattered, again,
Twenty-one-year old me slipping on glasses
after they were shattered for the last time;
I blink at the clock
and see a life-time has passed in thirty seconds.

It takes time.
And some days it feels like
it was all such a very long time ago.
And some days my heart seizes
like it did at the moment it happened.
It takes time; but what is time?
Way out here in outer space
Searching every distance place
The Moon's so cold without your embrace

I'm still here in flight
Way out past the satellite
Hoping one day we may reunite

Rising quickly is my frustration
Knowing for me there is no salvation
As I see your face in every  constellation

I can't see the silver lining
Even with all the stars still shining
Because all I can do is keep on crying

Loves resurrection is over due
So I will keep on searching for you
Just leave me a **** bread trail, a clue

Because on earth you'll never be again
My heart will never be whole, never mend
The death of everything is the wages of our sin



©Pauline Russell
15
You're so young
You're gonna be okay
Don't worry about tomorrow
Don't worry about yesterday
Just keep talking
Tell me whats wrong and I'll try and make it go away
You're so special
You're going to get out of there at some point
Just keep talking
Don't listen to them
You'll get out
Don't shut down
Keep talking
One day you're going to stand up and they won't stop listening
You're needed, I promise.
You're so young.
Don't give up.
someone i know
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