Hardly enough time to write
Put down in words how I feel inside
Lonely and confused
Sore and tired of getting bruised
Not on the skin
But somewhere deep within
I have felt myself slowly withdrawing
Begging my inner voice to ignore the final calling
Saying take a deep breath and forget the girl
How can I do that if she was my world
Only concern was her for such a long time
Now she's gone and I can't seem to unwind
Myself from the tangled mess she made of my heart
I need to move on, but instead I'm falling apart

I think you've changed
'cause I don't recognize you anymore
you don't look the same as you did
lying on the bed next to me before

I know I've changed
'cause I think I'm really done
I realized finally how
your quiet rejection's just no fun

but when I leave
I doubt your heart will bleed
I always cared more than you,
and you won't shed no tears,
you probably won't even miss me

I know you love
but not the kind of love I need
I want someone who will hold my soul
without my having to say please

I think I'm tainted
'cause with your face my heart is stained
and no matter who I'm with ever
in my head I'll be thinking your name

but when I leave
I doubt your heart will bleed
I cared so much more than you
and you won't shed no tears
you probably won't even miss me

And you kept me at arms length
helped my up with half your strength
hid behind that never crumbling wall
and yet I still let myself fall....stupid!

but when I leave
I doubt your heart will bleed
I cared more than you could
but you won't shed no tears
you probably won't even miss me
no you probably don't even miss me

I'm damaged
like bruised apples, or broken glass
and sometimes it feels like my scars
bring me down a class

I am tiny pieces
held together with pieces of tape
and this is all a mask I wear
so you can't see my real face

Can you be the glue
to hold my pieces together
can you be my ship
to sail through any weather

I am an addict
without their helpful crutch
'cause I've never needed anything
like I need the feel of your touch

I am just a child
who still wonders where her daddy was
I know he didn't want me then
just wanted to be lost in his buzz

Can you be the glue
to hold my pieces together
can you be the one
I can count on for forever

I am hollow
like the tree left empty by the birds
I feel nothing but vacant
just resonating your words

these damaged goods
are second hand at best
they fall short of perfect
to be left behind with the rest

I am wounded
like death soaked, ****** animal fur
like the one who will never belong anywhere
even her family won't ever want her

Can you be my glue
to hold my pieces together
Can you be my ship
to sail through any weather?
Can you be the one
I can count for ever?
Can you promise me
that you won't leave, ever?

can you fix the damages here?

People ask why I stay quiet
They dont listen to me

People ask why I dont cry
They have hurt me so many times

People ask why I hide
They dont know my life

People freak out when I want to die
They dont understand why

People miss me when im gone
They never noticed me till I died

Thats why.

What do you do

When inside you're empty
When running feels tempting
When it feels like you can't win

When everything feels so mundane
Everyday is the same
Like a broken record is being played

On repeat
And all you feel is defeat
When you want to take a retreat

Back to simpler days

When you're smiling through gritted teeth
Though inside, just beneath
The surface
you're wondering why

Slowly slipping is your facade
While all you can do is smile && nod
As you murmur,

"I'm fine, how are you?"

i am angry
they told me who i'm supposed to be
i am not who they wanted in their world.
i am anything but pure
i am anything but sweet.
i am your worst nightmare.

my hands numb,
my legs shaking, toes tapping,
you asked me what i wanted to be.
well what the hell, i haven't the slightest,
i've never really thought about
the person i wanted to become.
"someone everyone loves"
but what does that ever accomplish?
what if no one ever learns to love me the
way that they're supposed to?
but how is anyone supposed to love me anyway.
what if i'm already doomed?
I'm already in the mix, i'm already set up to fail.
so then, you ask me; "who are you?"
silence.

in the spur of the moment,
my eyes widened.
i reminisce of every time i thought
i was doing something because it was me.
i think of every single time you lectured me,
asking what i was doing with myself.
i think of the times my parents were disappointed,
and all of the people I've let down.
I thought they'd hate me, but they didn't even care.
no one ever really gave a crap what i did,
but I, all too much of their actions.
and for what? look where it landed me.

I'm so upset with myself.
I'm supposed to know these things.
I'm supposed to know who i am.
I'm supposed to know what this body contains,
I'm supposed to know what my heart can give,
and what my mind believes in.
but i just don't.
at least not now.


who was i when i popped those pills,
willingly broke through my skin to feel the pain.
who was i on New Years 13 shots in,
kissing that cute boy who's name escapes me.
who was i when my parents divorced,
who was i when i no longer had a family.
when i got my license, or graduated high school.
who was i when you looked me in the eyes and told
me you loved the girl i used to be.
who is the girl i used to be?

if this is the coming of the storm, then someone tell me,
because here i am, 19 years into my life
not knowing one single thing about myself.
not knowing what to feel,
only because at this very moment, i have to think.
i have to give definition to myself
when before, it all rolled off my tongue,
like i read my fate on a gum wrapper.

you never did notice my shaking legs, or my pale face.
you never did see right through me. oh this is easy to fake.
i put my hands together and said "i am myself"

although i had no idea who that is.

but i know i am angry,
i am not pure,
i am not sweet.
i sure as hell am not "myself",
whoever that may be.