I wake in the morning to a singe question:
Can I use your computer?

Immediately, my heart races...
I'm sweating from parts of my body I didn't know existed,
I swallow,
I panic
I answer
Yes, but
But... It is slow...
But... It is small...
But... It is weak...
...I am weak

The 1st question was simple, do I own that device?
The answer, however, is more questions
Is it enough
Are you enough
Why use it when you could use something better?
Why know me, when you could know someone better?

I am the broken lightbulb
That lightbulb designed not quite as bright,
Staring at brighter bulbs and not content to be dim.
Blinded by their light
Unable to notice the beauty of my own.

Used to be, that i could walk down to the store and grab some milk...
...It's too far
Used to be, that I could wash all my clothes and then put them away...
...It's too hard

Used to be that I could walk & run,
Right a task list, get it done,
Plan a night out, have some fun,
But now I can't, and I feel so dumb.

Example A, my laundry, begging for OMO,
***** clothes, still lying on the floor.
Plain clothes waiting patiently for the cupboard,
So far, it's been at least five days, or more.

But I try, then I sigh, now, I cry.

Motivation for myself?
     That is no more
Motivation for others?
     I'll find a way to the door
I wake up in the morning and I can't raise my head
Unless a friend needs my help, then I'll get out of bed
But if I'm the one calling, then the phone's always dead.

Please evict this depression,
Please just send it away
Because I'm so sick of asking:
"What's the point of today?"

Why do I bother to stay?

I hear the thunder,
Crash
Crash
Crash,
Perfect ending, to a day full of sun.

And I see the lightning,
Flash,
Flash,
Flash,
This storm, has just barely begun.

So what should I do,
Rest in shelter, Stay dry?
But then what if I miss all the fun?
It's been weeks of this unpredictable crazy,
Yet I know it's just only begun.

I never learned to swim, but I wish I knew now,
Maybe I wouldn't be fearful of rain?
But it's not fear of water that brings on the fear,
It's the prospect of drowning, before winning the game.

See the storm hurls the pieces, all over the board...
One piece left,
One piece up,
One piece down.

But the wind I can stand, It's the chance I can't bare,
Will I win,
Will I draw,
Will I drown?

There's no real way of knowing, If I'll weather the storm.
But I just can't stand drowning, before being reborn.

Take your time she said,
Those words linger in my head,
Like an auto-tuned pop song leaves your consciousness begging for air.

Take your time she said,
Those words stay with me till I'm dead,
Like a bad choice of tattoo begging to be drowned in your body hair.

We're told time,
Is never time at all,
It's never too late,
It's never too early,
Your time will come,
Your time has passed...

But what is 'Your time'?
What is my time?
What, is time?

The most precious commodity in our world, yet we don't know it?
We measure every second, every minute, every hour, but never know it's true length?
It is our whole world, we're surrounded by it, but always looking for more...
More time,
The right time,
The first time,
The last time...?

Time is what you wasted, while trying to spend it wisely,
Time is what you never have enough of, until you have too much,
Time is what you spend, while watching it all slip away....

Take your time, she said.