some people say that it is impossible to
explain the color red to a person blind from
birth but i disagree
because red is not only a color to me
it is a feeling
red is what i feel whenever he is holding my hand
and whispering stupid jokes to me in class
and i start to blush and i try to stop but i can't and
all i'm thinking is red, red, red
red is the feeling of the sun pricking you
with what feels like a thousand tiny needles
on your skin
red is the sweet taste of strawberries;
the sensation of bursting flavor that
automatically makes you smile
and some people use the color red
to describe anger or fear but
i can never imagine red as such a horrible thing
because when i think of red
i think of all the times we stayed up late and
the next day you would tease me about our
inside jokes and you would poke me and i would blush
and try to stop but i can't and red
is the color that i feel when we walk on
the beach until our legs ache and the sun is glaring at
us but we don't care we just
keep on smiling and it's all so
red, red, red
like the time that you stole all my strawberries
over the summer and
threw them at me and i ruined my
favorite shirt but that didn't matter
because your cheeks were red
from laughing so hard and oh god,
you looked beautiful

some people say that it is impossible to
explain the color red to a blind person from
birth but i disagree because red is not just a color
to me anymore; it is not what i learned from preschool art class
red is the feeling that i get when i am with you in
the summer and the sky is no longer blue
but more a pale pink and a dark red

his favorite color was orange;
like the sunsets at Times Square
and he never told me that,
I just noticed it by looking at the way
his eyes would light up and he would
start to smile a little when he saw something orange
and I always used to wish that
he could stay that way forever-
entranced and happy with the simplest things
it was a futile wish, of course
all good things come to an end and that
was the calm before the storm
and what a hurricane it was
//
your eyes are brown and yet I swear I've never
seen the color red until I looked into your eyes
and knew you were gone from me
//
my friends still ask about you; and I
tell them I haven't seen you in awhile, because I hadn't
I hadn't seen you since the summer when we would
stand in fields of flowers filled with yellows and orange
after that you were never the same
and I buried my love for you in a casket,
deep in the ground,
if you ever find it
you'll see tulips and books and
a black and white Hey Jude vinyl
by the Beatles

all things i used to love before i fell into you

well okay so
apparently you're never going to see these
because you deleted the app off your phone and
so i would like to formally say goodbye to all of our conversations
like i know this is really silly
but just seeing that i was talking to you made me so happy.
it's like you're this constant ray of love in my life
(even though i know you don't love me) and i just always loved reading our old conversations, they make me happy
but now you're off to boarding school and
as much as you might say you'll keep in contact i know you won't;
it's inevitable.  so i figure, why let all of our old conversations lay there
as if they matter that much anymore to you,
why taunt myself with them?
even if they made me happy sometimes it's better to
let go of things before they destroy you. so i will.
and hopefully we can still have more conversations in the future,
when you're signing books in Barnes' and Nobles
and you glance up to ask who to make this out to
(make it out to Heather Leather by the way if you can still remember what it means)  and you see me, maybe then
we'll talk to each other in an old cafe and catch up on life.
although i doubt this will ever happen,
I like to dream about these things;
they make me happy when i feel scared or alone.
but until then, until we meet in barnes' and nobles' and
go to central park for coffee; i guess this is goodbye to all our late-night conversations and endless lines of poems and songs.
i have loved you in a friends-way, in a not-so-friends way and in a i-don't-know-what-this-is-but-it-makes-me-happy kind of way. and while i don't like to talk about loving people in the future, i will say this
if there is one person that has ever aggravated me so much it is you,
and if there's ever a person i will regret not knowing in the future,
it is also you. and if i end up being a good person in the future
(which i hope i will be) know that it is highly possible that
i will love you because you have made me a better person, a better poet, and perhaps most importantly, a happier person.
so i guess this wasn't a goodbye to only our old conversations,
maybe it was also a goodbye to the past you and me,
and while this isn't the last time i will talk to you in a long time
(can't get rid of me that easily)
this will probably be the last time that i
read our old late night conversations about food and poetry
and songs and how much you love Lana del Rey and how i
am obsessed with 5 seconds of summer
and so goodbye to that,
it was good while it lasted,
and hopefully we will create many more late night conversations
but until then, goodbye to the jokes we laughed at,
the homework we cried over, and the music we argued about
yours truly,
heather

p.s. i love you to the moon and back
p.p.s: it was an honor having my heart broken by you