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dee Dec 2024
When someone asks what my biggest fear is
but I cannot tell them it’s me being 32 and still writing
about you
so I just tell them the “dark.”
should I call?
dee Dec 2024
I'll continue to use my words to light up the rest of the world.

As it does people's eyes when I speak.

Preach.

Talk.

Because emotions I find stronger than words,

Hold comfort behind the stiffness of the letters.

My words have no movement, my feelings linger on the pages.

But they do not waltz or cheer.

Yet yearn to escape me and the blank lined cage.
yea
dee Dec 2024
A minimal analysis
a set of conditions, withholding truth
that need to be satisfied in order to believe what you think is true.
belief that is knowledge.
the state of being aware of something within yourself.
psychology presents intuition as a form of knowledge
which we know as having a hunch about something
which is generated by the unconscious mind rapidly shifting through
past experiences.
cumulative knowledge.
my intuition never tells me what to do.
sometimes it's more like embarrassment
knowing that it's there and pretending like it's not.
because when you're always right
there's always that one time you hope that you're wrong.
so now my ego is linked to my emotions
and I can't help but find myself, not finding myself at all.
the disconnection between, myself and my thoughts
and my perception of the characteristics that shape me.
call it derealization if you want to get technical
but I see it as an imbalance.
if I do not see eye to eye with myself then I am not equal to the other side of the scale.
I will continue to fall until I satisfy those conditions
I lie further more to myself into this poem and reach what is self-awareness.
so I admit
I will continue to fall until I satisfy myself with the truth for these conditions.
or at least until I know what I feel is wrong.
I know, I wish didn’t.
dee Dec 2024
There's no such thing as "love isn't real"
love is inevitable.
So as I ride the wave of resentment
and dip myself in the ocean of fluctuations
I still nurture my love for you

respecting your decision
disrespects
the affection in my heart
the affection that has already made its way through my bloodstream
giving me that sense of high

the love that has already infiltrated my lungs and stole my breath away
i do not wish to press charges.

Love is inevitable but heartbreak is a privilege and to grow from it is the gift.
woke up on a random morning and decided to let you go, it was today.
dee Dec 2024
in my pockets are grains of hope, i keep my hands in my pockets when it gets cold. I think it's good to keep my hands warm, maybe I think it's bad to even let my pockets hold my cold hands. Disengage from the colorful writing, my hope sits upon my intellect and my actions are based upon it. In my flower accessorized tote bag holds my potential. Zipped up tightly and only taking the items out around it. I see how much volume it takes up in my bag, defiant when someone tells me to take it out and use it. Maybe naive to not understand how much of it is held in my bag. My bag is never far and always clutched to my side. Maybe i should empty my pockets and clean out my bag to witness the things i've kept inside for so long.
i have no clue
dee Dec 2024
If I were to **** a butterfly imagine all the looks of discourage
the world might as well paint me the shade of evil
but to **** a 6 legged beetle many would receive applause and praise
the world might as well paint them a hero.
That’s humanity for you, some ******* world we live in.
i’d have better luck expressing myself to a moth.
dee Dec 2024
And I further more can not hear my own thoughts without hearing you.
I’ve accepted we won’t get far.
there's no point to ask the question i know the answer too.
I do not have the ability to experience love without wanting to consume or the need to be consumed.
sigh
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