****** is ******

That's physical

Pain is pain

That's physical

But depression is corruption

That's mental

Mentally the pain destroys the mind

Emotionally the mind can't destroy the pain

If you haven't been broken you cant relate 

It's a deep feeling that you can't explain

It drives you crazy

Then the thoughts become your passenger

And before you know it the old you is sitting in the backseat  

Thoughts going 90 miles per hour

You become your darkest moment

Blending in with your shadow

 Opinions start to define you

Overthinking becomes your drug

You are an addict

Lost in oblivion

Overdosing on what scares you the most

You tried facing your fears but ended up looking at yourself

you are  your worst nightmare

How do you answer a five year old
When he's asking why we are alive
I don't have any statement solid enough that he'd be sold
Or why we aren't helping the elderly, hungry and cold.
Explain to a child humanity has taken a dive,
That today, people don't care if you survive
But I'm still strapped for an answer when asked
What happens when those planets align?
Looking into unsure little eyes,
Like "yeah buddy, of course it will all be fine"

It's hard to censor anymore because people want it raw
But then get insulted for what their kid saw
Even the kids shows are spouting crude jokes
Shaggy and Velma are dating
While I sit waiting for a classic mystery to begin
Teach them everything so young and so fast,
Their minds can't take it, gone in a blast.
The clock not missing a tick, the world spins

What do we win if we stop helping,
Selfishly, keeping more than they need
At the root of your thoughts,
I have to know what does your mind bleed
All these things and stuff, I'd give it all up
In a heartbeat, you can watch me do it
Lead by example and keep the rooms lit
But my son keeps asking questions,
So I keep retracing puzzle pieces on my finger
Until the answers for him perfectly fit

i watch each act
you're putting on
i clap at intermission

but i can see right through
your costume
yes i can truly listen

with every laugh
you belt out
i hear you loud and clear

while the rest of
the whole audience roars
in your skin you shake with fear

you've put on this show
too often
not enough rest between nights

that you and i both know now
you're imprisoned by the
spotlights.

Waking up
in arms
that don't fit.

An unfamiliar room
that reeks
of alcohol and sweat.

Clothes scattered
along with
my inhibition.

Their fingerprints
now forever burned
into my skin.

A need
that consumes
absent of emotion.

This part of myself
I carelessly abandon
in bed sheets.

"Honey, you're a boy.
You can't play with your sisters."
My mom said
As she makes me play alone
Because making sure a boy doesn't play with a Barbie is better than making sure he actually plays at all.


"Come on. Take it like a man."
My 6th grade classmate said
As he shoves me on my desk
Because I ****** at our basketball match that I didn't even want to take part of.
When my friend asked the teacher to stop my bully
She looked up from her book and said
"Boys will be boys. They'll be laughing it out later on"
But I didn't laugh. I haven't for a while


"You're a young man now. And young men don't cry"
My dad said
As he puts an ice over my bruised up eye
Maybe I should tell him that I'm not crying because it hurts
I'm crying because I have to go to school with the ones who did it
But I didn't. He'll just tell me to be tough again.


"Come on, you're a guy. Shouldn't you be out on a Friday night?"
My dad asked
As he grabbed the book that I'm reading and force me to go out with my "friends" that he didn't know I don't have.


"Seriously? Oh my god you are such a guy."
My sister said as I turned down her offer to shop at the mall
I really just didn't want to do anything
But hey, at least now I'm a boy.


"It's like being in a relationship with a robot. And quite frankly. I'm done"
My girlfriend,
I mean ex girlfriend,
say as she slams the door on her way out of my room
What if I told her I was just so used to it
Not letting my emotion out
Be tough
But she wouldn't understand
I'm not really sure if I even do understand.


"Come on. You're a guy right? You like this."
The random girl I met at this party said
As she pushed me down on the bed and starts unbuttoning my shirt
I don't want to
I wanna say
But I didn't
Because she was right
I'm a guy
I like this
I should like this

But I don't


"Why don't you try to get along with your sisters? They're your sisters for crying out loud!"
My mom said as she washes the dishes
Maybe because I never had the chance to be close to them
To actually get to know them
I want to say
No
I wanted to yell

But I never did

Because guys don't rant to their moms.

Guys should love *** and they can never get enough.


Guys shouldn't talk about their feelings.


Boys will be boys
right?

don't write a poem
for me
it would be pointless,
it would be
a paradox
to try
to give beauty
to something
so ugly

Sometimes, I want to ask you about how you feel about me.  
I want to ask you if you love me but, I just don't have the guts to ask you.
Maybe you're too busy to answer.
Maybe you're not in the mood to answer.
I'm just scared to mess things up.
For I messed up several times,
And I thought you'd love me less,
Or leave me.
But I'm glad you didnt.
I'm glad you didn't give up.
But I know,
The time will come when you can no longer put up with the mess I make.
One day, you'd probably ask yourself, "is she worth it?"
And maybe, you'd just ignore me.
Maybe, find someone who's worth it.
And maybe, you'd finally be with someone who asks less.
And maybe I'd end up with nothing
But, all the mess I made.
But guess what?
And I would still find joy with that.
Because whenever I see these mess,
I know,
I tried.
I loved.