Do you see me? I ask myself

I'm like a fading cloud for you.
I'm fading over the sky, but i'm not looking like the way you wish i would.
I'm just a cloud.
A white little stormy cloud.
A cloud who wants to be seen.
From your eyes.
From your mind.
From you.
Just you.

And now i'm sitting there
feeling nothing
feeling like every breath is a fight
my heart is beating
beating fast
it screams, let me die
please please let me die
i don't wanna wake up again
never

I'm feeling like there is no air left to breath
Like i'm drowning in a bottle full of tears
Like my heart is screaming for a break
Like my head is a 24/7 party with bad toughts$
Like i'm searching for the one ant in the wood
Like i'm drawing with color but turns black on the paper
Like i'm reaching for hope but it always take a step back so i can never reach it
Like i would die but no one notices because i'm the one who everyone thinks  "she will make it"

Will i make it?

And i look at you
I see your face and it's just
cold.
without any feelings
without warmth
or love
but deep inside
and this is what i know
are you full with love
and warmth
and you just want to see the world smile
because you had hard times
and you know how it feels
to life a life  full of pain
but you're just a girl
with a cold face
sitting on this chair
in this silly room
but you wish
you could change
someone
something
the world.

Keep more dreams yourself then the reality could destroy

When i saw into your eyes
I saw how much you worry about me
And then i realized
You have to live your own life
Without my problems, without my worries
And to realize this hurts
But it‘s the best
Not for me
For you

i like this feelings
but at the same time
i hate it
i like it how you smile at me
laugh at me
how you hug me
how you trust me
but i hate the fact
that i Need it
i want you to treat me like this
everytime
i know it's impossible
and this is what i hate too
but don't Forget
i love you

isn‘t it funny
how you turn your actions
into my fault

she’s surrounded of people she knows
but they are surrounded of someone they don’t know
because they don’t wanna know her
but they know each other
expect of her
so why should they
know
her.

even the anticipation turned into a nightmare

how did my evenings turn into darkness again?

like a sunflower lowers its head after sunset

am i getting bad again?