i failed once again
my impulses take control
i find no reason to fight it
i fell like ive lost it all

the demons
come creeping back in
they help me pick up the razor
and put it against my skin

one little line
soon becomes more
its not long before
the drips hit the floor

im falling down
back into old habits
its a neverending fall
into neverending pits

it's time for me to go now
the gashes need to heal
ive been torn and torn myself up
none of this seems real

I run my hand along the traces of him.
I feel the blood rush through my skin.

I grip my shoulder where your head once rested.
I tear at my soul just to feel connected.

I feel the rage I should have felt eleven months ago,
I feel the desire I ought to forgo.

You were the best of all the others,
Their traces remain, but they weren't even lovers.

And neither were we, almost but not quite,
But you were the closest I have been to the shame free light.

I want to be clean of the stain he left,
I want to be clean of the desire I regret.

But as I look at this mark that you left on me,
I am not so sure I want to be free.

i clench my fist hoping i've grabbed the last inch of air i could put behind my broken jaw

breathe in, breathe out

my mind attacks my memory like it's a world war with no allies

breathe in, breathe out

i remember you
i remember you?
since i was 8 i've tried to play God
and ended up admitting i'm a sinner

breathe in, breathe out

i brought you back from the dead
only for you to sit in your grave

we all did
we prayed for you

breathe in, breathe out

my memories don't lie
and i remember a change in you
and i thanked God with all my might that i could no longer blame you

I WISH I COULD SCREAM IN YOUR FACE BUT...

breathe in, breathe out

if i could pray i would say: God help my dad so he doesn't die in a puddle of his own rage

*breathe in...

I can fool anyone with the line "I'm fine" because no one cares to find the truth that lies behind,
I'm haunted with words in my mind that no one will hear because I'm the only one subscribed,
I'm alone in my own darkness that I've created with a spine twisted by a past that wasn't even mine,
I was told to be brave, to be strong, to be kind,
to live a life that was unreal because there's unlimited time,
but now the voices in my head
they're telling me to stop
they're warning me you were wrong and I should just give up.
I tell myself "I'm fine." but other problems arise
and the truth gets barricaded with bars of disguise--


I'm fine.

I remember when my dreams were still like fairy tales,
Id see you, holding my hand,
Black dress, white pearls, red lipstick
But lately you haven't been in my dreams,
And the colors are something different,
The black, the darkness surrounds,
The white, the crooked smile of the abuser,
The red, the blood spilt on the bed.
My hand, covering the **** in my head.
Let us not forget,
Nightmares are dreams too.

We live in a world of OTPs
Shipping a love that doesn't exist.
We live in a time of "whoa is me"
When opportunity comes we tend to resist.

See we like the imaginary, you and me,
Living a life of heavenly bliss.
Some love it so much they tend not to see
That they could be missing their true love's kiss.

Step out of the fake and into the real,
I feel you would really like life here.
Trust me please when I say this dear,
Life will soon be better than your dreams.