After I make my way home
I have that feeling:
I don't want to go out anymore
Can't I just stay here like this?
Why does the weekend
Always come again
And draw me in
With its promises?

I can't hide these feelings
I'm not sure if that makes me
Honest,
Weak,
Or self-centered,
But I don't want to be here

Remember how we were together,
you and me?
How I would say
good morning,
it's another pretty day
And I'd look over,
and there she was,
and it was - pretty, already

And she'd go her way,
we'd go ours,
and we'd think about her
But just at the time
she left for good,
you left me, too,
and you're not
coming back either,
are you?

I'm a 21st century man, baby
You've got that intelligence
That personality
That heart I'm looking for
But she...
She's gorgeous
I'll go with her

I remember you,
Gram-ma
I remember your calm
Even as you grew old,
Even with death in plain view,
You were Gram-ma
Relaxed, steady,
A pleasure to be around

I love you, Gram-ma
And I want a woman
Just like you
To call my own

Memories
fade in and out
between sobs

The present
fills in the gaps

We only have so long to remember

Will there be anything more than this?
Will I have another chance?

I begin to walk across the field,
feeling the texture of the grass

Will she join me in another place?
Will she do without me?

I'm across the field,
but I want to cross it again

Let me tell you what it is
You have friendships with guys
Because you're not boy crazy
You're down to earth
And a girl
It's called maturity
And while it may not pay off
By landing you the perfect mate
You have genuine friendships with men
Which is more than most girls ever get

Let's skip the
all-happy all-
the-time facade
I want to meet you
when one of us
is crying
and the other one
is high
Instead of
******* rainbows,
let's tell each other
stories
about those
we've left behind
And when
I make love
to you,
you'll know
what it means
to be known,
and I'll know
what it means
to be home

So Papa wants to buy me a headboard
My favorite man
A good, good man
When I make love here
On this bed
How can I wrong any woman?
No
I will have to be good here
I will have to be myself

What if I fell
in love with you,
and you lost what's
left of your hearing,
and you couldn't
hear me say
I love you
anymore?

I just want you to read this
And say ****,
That guy has heart
Because...I do

So he treats you like ****
and I'm left to guess
as to why you still love him
Is it the fact that in spite
of his apparent disdain
for your wants and needs,
he still gives you
his undivided attention
for ten minutes at a time
at the end of the night?

Hey, doggy
I'm gonna be your friend for while, okay?
I think your mom is beautiful,
But she doesn't really like me
That's okay, though
I'm doing this for you
I just want to make sure you're okay
While your mom is gone
Even though she's just using me
Good boy

I wonder if anyone has ever liked you
For you
Not just your body
Which is great
But for what goes through you
Your head
Your heart
You impressed me
And I don't think others see

This is how I fall
For a girl
Who I could never have
I think?

When I go home,
I want it to be a place
Where I'll hear Papa say,
Yeah, Spike,
You can hug me as long as you want

I hear creaks and cracks
as I fall asleep,
and I wonder
if someone broke in

But the chance
a ninja is sneaking
in here,
I think,
is very slim

I can't wait
And I hope you come
So when I invite you
And it's over the top
Don't think I'm weird
I'm just having fun

If you're anything like me
Like peace and quiet
Or kinda keep to yourself
But you're a hot girl
Do you ever get to ******* relax?
Or do you constantly have guys
Approaching you
Because if you were acting like me
Right now in this bar
I would be talking to you
Not sitting here alone
In a booth

Every time we talk,
I'm falling further for you
Every time you're around,
I'm wanting you closer to me
And every time I share this truth,
You recoil and step further away

I always see it from someone else's shoes
I don't think people are out to actively **** me off
I notify them of my displeasing,
and if they take it in a manner that is mature,
then I can continue to talk to them as adults;
Else, I ignore their requests
and act like a stereotypical chick with
answers you'd find in a ****** periodical
I want people to respect my opinions and
points of view as much as I respect theirs;
I'm always willing to change my mind when
confronted with evidence and understanding,
and I would expect the same of them
Does that make me so different from the rest of humanity?

She was five foot five, skinny, soft face
A strange guy hovering about,
But she responded
Palms together as we moved
Hands on waists
But her lips evaded,
Wouldn't look my way
The guy commented,
I like watching you dance,
You're cute
Something was off
But I danced on ahead
The time came
For them to take their leave
He handed me a card
Massage parlor

I only read out of a sense of longing
It never fulfills
So I read less and less
Of the poets I love
I love less and less
Of the people I know
Of people I knew
Of myself
I hate more
The walls need
to have holes stomped in them
My grammar and structure
Need to go **** themselves
You need to listen
And quit being a *******
And I need to call Papa
He's my favorite man
We haven't talked for months
When he dies,
That's when I'll do the stomping
I'll be more alone
Even though he barely knows me

Into the universe of her heart,
I explored like mankind
I launched into her space
For the very first time

I landed on her moon
And took a first step
I planned a trip to her Mars
I'll see her Titan next

What will I find
Among the galaxies of her soul
The unending thrill of wonder;
Beauty unspeakable

With a sand grain of searching,
My heart is awakened
I consider her vastness;
My breath is taken

Oh, thanks for the message
Even though we're not talking anymore
Sure, you're welcome for the birthday gift
Glad you like it
Thanks for the lies

I'm afraid even if
you stared me in the face,
I'd miss it,
or if I did see who you are,
I'd still hate you

The thoughts that have
conjured in my mind
these last two years,
and the feelings that have
transpired in my chest,
have left me to hate you

Yes, even you,
the imagined one I desire

You've got it all, somehow
Yet you will disappear
So I choose to hate you
Instead of losing you

Everything but sadness
seems like an illusion;
sometimes I
can get
swept up into
the illusion, though.

I used to hold your head against my chest
I used to hold you in the highest regard
The pinnacle of creation: the woman
But now I find nothing special about you
My heart may stutter for a moment,
But I'm only being fooled by who I imagine you are
I can never know what goes on in you
I can only guess
Who falls in love with a guess?
I guess wrong
My theories about your mystery
Fall flat on their face,
Crushed by the weight of your actions

but reading poetry takes me
more effort
than writing out my ****** thoughts
and splitting them into lines
And now it's time to sleep
because, you know,
taking care of myself

I could meet a dozen girls in a night,
But I couldn't connect with a one
Where I once had deep desire,
I now have chaos
A complete inability to put forth effort
Without the help of drugs
A fairy tale desire to **** them all,
But no internal life to manifest it
I may be the coolest dude in the bar,
But you might as well ignore me

Salt stuck to the inside
And the outside
Of a margarita glass
Chatter about an insecure male
Short guy, five foot nothing
Angry at women, the world
And I can't blame them,
But I can identify with him,
Even at six foot decent looking
**** 'em all

Just about every day at work
I find myself taking a break
I walk up the stairs and down the hall
I go in the bathroom and choose a stall

Then I'm alone
And then I can cry

How long do I have to deal with an internal shitfest
How long will I think she's a good person
Will I ever look at her the way others do
My friend thinks she strung me along, too
He says he confronted her about it and she got quiet
She does that when she disagrees
She doesn't want to argue
She just likes agreeable people
She's incapable of being honest
Why do I still love this girl?
Because she's ******* beautiful

I'll be in the middle of doing my thing...
Look,
Honestly,
I'm looking at ****, ok?
And I'll see a girl
doing something you liked to do
And I think,
You liked that...
and in general,
it's a turn-on,
But now,
I just remember you
and I miss you
Not just for what this girl and you do,
but YOU.
I actually stop.
I stop and write a poem, for ****'s sake.
And I miss you.

Is it really a healthy outlet,
Or does it cause me
to dwell on my pain?

Will I still want to write
if I become a healthy person?

I guess it would be okay if I don't;
I don't like writing enough
to stay this miserable

Maybe some day
I won't like the idea of her enough
to stay this miserable

I miss
being in love,
and I'm afraid
it only happens
one time

How will I tell you,
With only written words,
What walks through this mind
And who hides in these chambers?

Not the whole me, anyway
I...can't share who I am
Not here, not now
But I write
To give you hope
There's someone else
Like you
And if you are you;
If you're the one
I'm speaking to;
The one who knows
Exactly what I'm
Hinting at;
Well,
You are pretty broken
But people improve
And they disprove
What others believe
To be absolute truth
And I
I am one of these
And you could be, too

You're like the shirt I try on at the store
You fit well, you're pretty nice, good material,
But why did the designer do that one thing?
That's just...weird.
Like really, this would be a great shirt
But now I'm just not sure
If I buy it, will I wear it?
I don't know.

I danced
and I saw you there
You were on your phone
like I often am
I danced around
You noticed me,
but I acted like
I didn't notice you
You just lost your best friend
two months ago
I think I nearly cried
You said you're okay now;
you've dealt with a lot of death
I said it's a big fear of mine
You said you don't see why
you should fear
something you can't control
I kissed you
I found out you smoke cigarettes
I didn't care
I put my arm around you
Your friends were cool
I texted you
I hope I hear from you
Oh, there it is
You agree I was fun to talk to :)

and I'm not
going to
say it
to you,
so I'll just
say it
here instead

I'm still recognizing
your lies
three months later,
and it hurts
it really hurts.

I don't want to do it
like it's a big event
I just want to do it
with my own passion
and I want it to be
so good for you
and for it to be that way
every night you want it

You're welcome for holding you,
Whether it was comfortable or not

You're welcome for listening
Your simplest complaints,
Your smallest victories,
I bore them all in my heart

You're welcome for suffering through
My loneliness for you

You're welcome for my words,
Silent, spoken, and true
I never lied to you, about you

You were my girl;
I wish it were still true
Because in spite of it all,
I still love you

I know it was just a movie, and the scenes and the music tug strings in ways we don't always feel in everyday life. But I'm not crying about the movie. I'm crying because you're here with me and I'm thinking about you. I'm crying because I feel the same way about you that he feels about her, and I want you to know that and to never forget it. And because I don't want it to end. I don't want our lives to end, and I know they will someday. Maybe I'll feel differently somehow when we're aged and we don't have all this energy anymore. Maybe I'll be ready for my life to end when I'm old and slow and sick and I can barely breathe, or my whole body aches all the time and someone has to take care of me like I'm a baby again. But I don't think I'll ever be ready to stop loving you.

It's ironic
that the only way
to get close
is by starting out
"no strings"

Let's just ****
because we have
intimacy issues
and insecurity

After we're done,
I'll tell you everything,
and you can tell me
why everything's okay

I'll hold your hand
and tell you
I won't hurt you
the way he did

I can't, after all;
We're just friends

I still look at your picture
You look "adorable"
The word you used to say
I act like I'm writing this to you
Like you may read this one day
Yes, it's for you
I see your eyes
And the softness that lies behind
Ready for tender affection
To absorb into me
On the couch, your small self
My little spoon
Arms around you
I will fall asleep
So easily
Knowing you're here with me
And will be in the morning

Where did you go?

I wish just one time
I could be there
when it happens
so I could meet
his twisted hardon
with violence
he'd remember
every time he looks
in the mirror,
and her belief
that men can love,
that night,
would be sustained

How many more times
Will I watch a guy **** two girls
Before I kiss one I love?

I almost cry
In this restaurant
by myself
Thinking
about
How I have
a good
heart
And
How this girl I just
met
Might find out
But
I'm not really ready
for that

I go to bed alone every night
Am I as worthwhile as I think,
Or is there something wrong with me?

I have a good career,
I'm decent-looking at least,
I can make love or ****;
Whatever suits our mood
And I don't do so recklessly;
At least not often

I'm in a city of a couple million
One would think I could find
Just one

But I will tell you:
Dating is boring
Partying is fun,
Albeit a bit empty

Texting can only go so far
Touch me and I may recoil
Like me and it'll be too easy
Do drugs and you'll seem too wild
Be clean and you're a *****

So I come back to you,
My droves of women who are always game,
But never satisfy
Perhaps fantasy is better than reality
Or perhaps you should all burn in hell

Do you remember
how you gave yourself to me-
the simple act of resting your head
on my bare chest
Your hair wasn't perfect anymore,
and neither was mine
But what we'd just done meant nothing
All significance was held
in the way your arm laid across me
I was strong, wasn't I?
You were safe, weren't you?
Did my fear of losing you
scare you away?