cameras flash
                                                           ­                                       lights blare
mother smiles
heart aches
                            stomach rumbles
                                                         ­   agent is pleased
skinny skinny skinny
                                                          ­                                          must be skinny
                                                         must be pretty
                                                          ­                                      must be perfect
must be good enough
                                                       not enough
                                                      neve­r enough
                                                     ugly ugly ugly
why do people
                                                          ­                                           even like me
                                                     ugly model
                                                     ugly girl
                                                        hate­ me
        cutting carving creating
                                                        ­                                              scars
             ­                                            drink drank drunk
drip drip
                                                       hoping I'll
                                                            ­                                              just
bleed
        ­                      out.

i really love
the thought of being in love
but i don’t really love
when push comes to shove
you off the bridge
into reality
where we
were never meant to be
this love things an illusion
a man made fallacy

and your ring finger
only holds a shiny rock
because his promise of forever
is long gone
with his ****
down her throat
as she’s on her knees
choking back
secrets of her own
because little
does he know
her husband
is at home
all alone

and neighbor is laying
with a pretty boy
between her legs
that distracts
from the one
laying in her head
and they fall asleep
in a mess of a bed
to wake up
and pretend
to be in love instead
of facing
the loneliness and dread

so we get off
completely unaware
that love is a lie
to pretend we are fine
i would love
to be in love
if it was love
i could trust
but there in no love
in this world, only lust

s.s

old habits die hard
nervous habits die harder

i hadn't touched myself
since i got over you

but today,
i peeled back my skin
to reveal what i had forgotten

which is that
i still haven't
forgotten
you.

I'll give you till the count of six.
One.
Now run!
Two.
Go *****!
Three.
Let me be!
Four.
There's the door!
Five.
While I'm still alive!
Six.
Please stay, I love you.

How, may I ask, did you get so you,
you beautiful true-to-you doer?
I've met many today but I can honestly say
that I've never met anyone you-er.