Are you proud of me now? I get only A's and B's, I don't get in trouble, I'm a great kid. But I cry myself to sleep and sometimes wish I weren't alive. But that's okay as long as you're proud. You see my grades and you see my friends but you don't see the mask I wear to please everyone. You give me attitude amd I got that from you so you yell at me a lot, "Oh no don't cry, it's not the end of the world" but it could be the end of mine. Now I don't cry in front of you, I need you to be proud please don't hate me. Are you proud of me now? I look happy so yoh don't worry, I look happy so you're proud. Please don't yell, I'm trying my best please be proud of me. I want to die but I'm still alive. Are you proud of me?

Not one
but both
no preference
too scared to go too far
curled into material happiness
too far gone to come back
awake but asleep
until morning
and even then
alone again

Hurting me:
No one does it better than you
Emotions played
Nights spent crying
Days spent dying
Words said,
that weren't meant to be said
that weren't meant to be heard
that weren't meant to hurt.

Missing you:
I do that a lot
I wish I didn't.
It keeps me awake
Made my own mistakes
regret everything I've said.

You told me she was pretty
and I already knew that,
you told me I was a liar
and that hurt.
you told me I shouldn't care, and honestly...
I shouldn't
but I do
I hurt so much,
and I hate it
So tired of crying and breaking down
so tired of saying it doesn't matter and I'm fine
I can't do this anymore
I can't lose anymore
not that there's anything left to lose.

I write letters to you
that I know you'll never see
but perhaps by one little mistake
one drop of the page
maybe you'll see your name
maybe you'll read the words I could never say.
I wish I would have stayed,
and done the things I knew I should.
Because now you're gone,
God,
do I miss you.
I know you hate me.
I know you don't want to talk to me,
I know I hurt you...

You told me to find someone else to hurt,
but I never wanted to hurt anyone,
especially not you.

You're the one that held me today.
You're the one that helped me with my tears.
You're the one who believed in me.
What happened in such a short time span?
I can't believe I'm missing you so much
and I hope I'll get over this
because I don't want to care anymore
not about anything.

I never meant to make your big green eyes shed tears,
your round face to be rubbed at, trying to hide tear streaks
I never meant for your hands to shake
or your throat to close when you see me
I never meant for your heart to break.

I don't have any other way to say this
and I know you still don't care
but I'm sorry to the ends of the earth
and I'll miss you for days to come
I love you,
and I am so, so, sorry.

I'm sorry I'm not good enough
Can't save you from the comfort of wanting to die
I can't stop you from putting those pills in your mouth
Can't save you from the hell of a broken heart
Hell, I can't even help myself.

I can't stop you from hating me
I can't stop you from telling everyone how bad I am
I can't stop crying anymore,
i'm so tired of breaking down.
Hell, I'm never going to stop.

I'm sorry I'm not a good friend,
I'm sorry I couldn't make you stay
I'm sorry to the groups of people I've annoyed
I'm sorry to everyone
Hell, I'm never going to stop.

Oh love, Oh love
Please don't forget
My last dying words
The Words that seep
Through the crevices
Of your smile

Oh love, Oh love
How you saw deep
Through my laugh
And Dug deep
Through the messages
I sent to you
Flickering the strobe lights
To see if anyone cared
And you love deep
Through every thorn
you saw the beauty
Through my heart

Oh love, Oh Love
Please forgive me
I have a monster inside me
Snugged deeply
By the 10 year old me
The sticks and stones
Most certainly broke my soul

The creature is restless
Left to defend itself
From the whispers
Left in the wind

Oh love, Oh love
Death will come take me
He will leave no note
He won’t tell you
That you were right

I'm sorry* your inbox is all me
I'm sorry I'm so **** needy
I'm sorry I'm afraid of everyone leaving
I'm sorry I say yes and then I say no
I'm sorry I beg you to stay then I go
I'm sorry I'm the sun then the moon
I'm sorry I'm so confused
I'm sorry I'm addicted to abuse
I'm sorry I hate being used
I'm sorry  I'm toxic
I'm sorry  I'm me