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 Oct 2015 Oliver Rae Calvin
Lakin
I should have realized my heart was thin, fragile
paper before you wrote
on its surface in pen.
I will never have you.
The thought that hosts
my life,
even without a tip.

Maybe I should be content with myself,
But I know I can’t think of my life
without your smile rushing in.

Why can’t you be mine?
I know I should be happy with someone else;
but I can’t live a day without seeing your face.

Look at me, won’t you?
You’re mine. *Mine.

But… you’re not.

I want to feel your kiss.
the pressure of love on
my hips.

Can you put your arms around me?
Can you be mine?
I will never have you, will I?


Look. At. Me.

I'm a fool for you, and you can’t even see it.
You’re not happy with her, I know you.
I know she’s not what you want.

We grew up as one,
but have now since separated as two.

Oh ****,
I think I’m in love with you. -DDF
I was seriously rambling to myself. Like, I'm having such a hard time with this. I can't deal with myself right now, have mercy.
Run run run run run run.
Thoughts thoughts thoughts

Take me away.

Help help help help help

Wake up, wake me up.

Savesavesavesavesave me.

I’m drowning,
Aren’t I?

I’m dying*

God, I think I’m dying.

But I can still feel the blood in my veins,
The air in my lungs.

Remind yourself, Destiny,

“You are alive.”

But…I don’t think I am.

The scars on my wrists tell me a different story
than my heart.

I’m leaving, I need to go.
I need to find my home.

I need help. I need saved. I need happiness.

I NEED HELP. -DDF
GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD.
 Oct 2015 Oliver Rae Calvin
Lakin
Your tires sped off
in the direction of tomorrow
while I sat below a streetlight in
the wasteland of yesterday.

Its artificial glow created
silhouettes of occasional by-passers.
(Their footsteps scraped against cold
pavement and the sound reverberated
in my ears like your name.)

Car engines echoed from blocks
over and I mistook them as whispers
from ghosts of our clouded past- reminding me
that we were both once children of the open road;
although, I’m now orphaned on familiar lines of double yellow.
I hope this is as powerful as I had hoped for. enjoy **
The** entire existence
of me
on this Earth,
wasn’t for you.

I think I’ve realized that.

It took me all of my
17 years to open my eyes.

I opened my heart to
the biggest Demon here.

You. -DDF
I love writing about heartbreak, I had mine broken at a young age. But I'm glad I have found the love of my life. This October will mark our five years together, and although he has tried to fix me, There always will be a crack in my demeanor.
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