if you are happy
and living your best life
why
are you drowning your thoughts
in ***** every night
because, my love
you don't numb happiness
you numb pain

s.s

"i was done with her by then"

when i read that
i felt my ribs crack as my insides folded in on themselves
11:57
i can't fall asleep because those words are on repeat in my head
and i missed my 11:11 wish
but all i would have asked for is to have worth pumped into my veins to replace the empty feeling
i look at myself in the mirror over the flame of my lighter and almost understand why you did it
i am soft
the puffy skin around tired eyes welcoming like fresh soil
the curves and dips of my body
the waterfall of ***** blonde at my shoulders
the shaking lips that whispered i love you with such sincerity
everything about me is soft
especially my heart
so why wouldn't you use me
why wouldn't you lie
right into my eyes because you knew they believed every syllable
kissed my lips to feel alive because you knew every time they would melt
brushed my hair back and traced my body because you knew i was fragile and nothing would stop me from falling
i am soft and i trusted you
so why wouldn't you feed me the lies of what i crave
sprinkle i love yous down on my being
fool me into feeling special
it was easy for you wasn't it
it was fun to have me fall knowing you did not care one bit
knowing you were lying every time you said you did
you probably enjoyed watching me crash because it gave you power
and you knew i was nothing but something to cure your loneliness and get you off
but, my love
i will be so much more and you will regret making me your object
i am worth much more than that
i am sorry you could never see that

s.s

like the blunt
dangling from his lips
he lit me up
when he needed to numb the pain
and tossed me out
with the other roaches
when there was nothing left to take

s.s

i once knew a boy
who kissed me
because he needed to be kissed
not because he loved
the taste of my lips
or the laugh that escaped them
and he did not love me
for the person i was
he simply loved what i was to him
an outlet for his thoughts
he loved to use me
because i said the right words
and kissed the right places
but you see, that's all i was
a puzzle like himself
just a game to keep him busy

s.s

nothing hurts more
than the sweet lies
of fake romances
and the wasted time
of too many undeserved chances

s.s

you wake up
his hair is spilled across the pillow,
the sun slants across his cheekbone
and his breath is slow and even.
he smells like an open field
and his body is wrapped around yours
so he keeps you warm.
you think,
there is no moment better than this,
that he is too perfect to exist.
but you wake up gasping,
skin soaked in sweat.
you lie there for a long time,
in your completely empty bed.