i don’t want to just be your friend

i want to be the person you wake up to in the morning

to kiss your body on bad days and make you feel good when you don’t

i want to tell you to come home rather than come over

to be the girl you tell your friends and family about

to drive with the windows down listening to you sing your favorite songs

i want to get high with you on lazy sundays then make breakfast in our underwear

i don’t want to just be your friend
i want to be one of your best friends you fall in love with

s.s

if you need me
i will be far away
dancing in drug induced dreams
with lost loves
and missed memories
in the comfortable coma
of mind altering bliss

s.s

i think i deserve
more than a secret randevu

if you can risk it
for a good ****
and conversations
no one but ourselves will hear
why can’t you risk it
for all of me
for a relationship
we’ve spent this long fighting for

it’s degrading
i’m just the girl
you undress
when no one is looking
because i’m good
but not good enough
for more
not anymore

s.s

you love my younger sister
more than me
and make no attempt to hide it
but i don't mind
because i love my father
more than you
and make no attempt to hide it

i've spent so long trying to please you
but it is never good enough
and i love you because i have to

i am tired of being ridiculed
oppressed and frowned upon
to the point where
when i think of all the awful things about myself
your voice is the first in my head

i dont care if you dont like me
if i disappoint you
if im not good enough for you
because i have plenty of people in my life
that i am enough for
i don't need your approval
and i don't need to fear you

so you can keep drinking
keep losing your sanity over simple things
keep being the bipolar ***** you've become
but my sister will keep hating you
and she will tell me how awful you make her feel
i will keep being the one there to fix what you break
and your husband will keep talking to me
rather than you
about the stress and problems he's facing
and how he can't even sleep at night because life is overwhelming
and i'll keep listening
and paying more attention to what he says than you do

motherhood is a special thing
i won't **** it up when i get there
i won't be like you

s.s

love, what do you want
in your heart what would you choose
to be happy, right?

i crave you
like an addict
searching for their fix
oh sweetheart
relapse
has never tasted so sweet

s.s

we wrote more poetry
in the wrinkles of your sheets
in one night than
I have written in the pages
of my journal all year