i think not speaking
is the thing messing me up the most
out of all of this

yes, i love you
i really really do
but i know i will get over that
it will take time and it will hurt like hell but i know i will

the thing is, you are my safe place
were my safe place
i felt as though i could go to you about anything
and you made me feel more comfortable than anyone else
you knew how to react and made it easy to talk
now i cant do that
and **** keeps happening
while you're the first person i think to go talk to when i can't
and i keep wondering how you are
you seem fine but i still miss hearing about your life

i miss you and i feel pathetic
because i'm having a hard time adjusting
and i dont exactly know what to do with myself

say you dont care
it's how you act
dont say youre hurting like me
take that lie back

go look at pictures
of us and myself
and tell me this doesn't
hurt like hell

think of my laugh
and the feeling of my skin
and tell me you dont miss
my crooked grin

imagine my voice  
the way i said i love you
tell me you feel nothing
that you're glad we're through

i want to hear you say it
rather than just acting this way
think of everything about us
and tell me your glad you went away

s.s

it is completely confusing
how just weeks ago
you spoke with sugar dripping from your tongue
every word you uttered undeniably sweet
and you traced my skin with the stars in your eyes
saying nothing could break this
yet now you break me
with evident ease
and act as though this was all a joke
that every charming word you spoke
was a lie to get what you want
and now its not worth the effort
and you are unaffected
simply moved on in a matter of hours
like this didn't even happen
as though you've erased it from your memory
i dont even know if it was ever true
i just know i did love you
**** i still do
and maybe that wasn't mutual
ever and never will be
i want to believe you cared
but it's hard when you act this way
you joke and laugh and ignore it all
it's probably good you didnt stay
because how could you tell me one thing
that you're hurting just like me
then act the opposite
like you dont care and that's plain to see

my mom is yelling about something so miniscule it shouldn't be an issue and how dare i speak up but i'm getting fed up but she's on this constant emotional rollercoaster you never know when she will crash or how the alcohol will react

my dad is getting frustrated with the nonsense and stress is consuming him every day threatening his health but he can't confide in his wife so he goes to his daughter instead

my sister is getting **** at school from kids who are insecure with themselves so they feel they need to take it out on soft souls like herself and there's nothing i can seem to do

my boy is not my boy anymore and he used to be one of my best friends but now i can barely look him in the eye without beginning to cry and right now i wish he were hugging me rather than ******* up my head

my friends are unreachable at the times i need to talk since there's no way to contact them when the night marches on so i sit alone and try to figure this out myself, i'd hate to bother them anyways

my head is ******* spinning and i feel dizzy and sick like i'm going insane but i'm not sure if i want to scream and hit the walls or lay still in bed unable to move at all

my life feels messy and i don't know what to fix first, it should probably be myself but i just can't be a priority

s.s

i believe
i wasn't ready to let go
because i felt oddly close to him
i felt a comfort i hadn't experienced before
like being with him was safer than being with myself
and a connection like that
doesn't come along every day

s.s

if he called me up
at three in the morning
or came tapping at my walls
calling my name
i would lose
my few hours of sleep
just to hear his voice
and anything he had to say

s.s

how do you let go
of someone you've fallen for
when you don't want to

s.s