what if
we weren't meant to be and the stars in our eyes were born in different galaxies where their light will never mix or even come close to touching

what if
we're wasting time that we will never get back by pouring love into each other but never getting anywhere like watering plants that never seem grow

what if
we are fighting for something that's already gone like trying to raise the dead but just like the horror films we need to learn to let go

what if
we never see the future that we speak of in secret and it's all just a dream that we can only wake up from and realize it's not real

what if
we're killing each other without knowing like sitting in the closed garage with the car running breathing in something you can't see but is deadly

what if
we met at the wrong time like a freak accident on an empty highway we collided and created a mess to big for us to handle

what if
this isn't right but we can't tell because i have bad vision and you can't see through the *** smoke so we just keep blindly searching for a way to make it work

what if
you don't actually love me but i love you and it takes two to dance to this song but you're on the side lines and i'm shuffling my feet in an empty ballroom

what if
what if
what if

drugs drugs all the time
masking what you can't unwind
only masking

s.s

speak at my funeral
spill tears at my grave
know you did your best
but i wasn't someone you could save

s.s

Having Depression is like finding out that mermaids are real
It doesn’t make sense to you until you’re getting dragged to the bottom of the ocean
And then you think
Oh
That’s what this is
And I’m drowning now,
That’s just……… great
And eventually, with your last vestiges of breath left
You float back to the surface
And you’re fine.
And that’s it.
Mermaids stop existing again.
Because you never actually saw what grabbed you
You only felt the claws around your leg
The cold, clammy hands tugging
With a force that you could never fight against
But you never saw her
So it was all a dream
Right?
And it happens again and again
You are drowning again and again
Until the water begins to feel like home
And the only thing reminding you that you are alive
Is the burning in your lungs
And when everything you had balanced so very carefully starts falling
Off the shelves of your life
When your “mild” depression starts deciding it wants to be more
When being alone makes you feel dead inside
And when losing your cool for one ******* second makes you contemplate your own demise
When do you admit to yourself that you are slipping
You are sinking and just because you can slow your descent
Does not mean that you’re not still drowning
And at the end of the day just because it took you longer to get there this time
Doesn’t mean you aren’t still lying on the ocean floor
Devoid of light and sound
And if you had just climbed onto that now distant boat and sailed away
You’d be fine.
But climbing was too hard
And sinking is so much easier
And you’re scared that if you reach out
Your hands will feel clammy and cold
As they wrap around your friends throats
And drag them down with you
And you would rather rot at the bottom of an endless sea
Than let that happen
So you lie in darkness and wait
For a sound
The singular resounding sound
Of failure
And you slowly float back to the surface
Take a deep breath
And you’re fine.
Because mermaids aren’t real
It’s all in your head

sometimes love
just isn't enough

s.s

falling in love
is like sky diving
and pulling your parachute
only to find that it's ripped

once you've fallen
you can't go back

you thought it would be amazing
but it is suddenly terrifying
a thrill none the less

but there's no halting it

once you've fallen
there's nothing to catch you
and the crash is inevitable

s.s

enveloped in your arms
with my head on your chest
allow the steady thump of your heartbeat
lull me to rest
where maybe i might dream
with you by my side
instead of having these nightmares
eat me alive

s.s