you broke her

she is sitting in the bathroom
crying so hard she's blacking out from lack of oxygen because she can't breathe
and her hands are shaking more than usual
as her whole body contracts into a little ball where she screams through tears because no one's there to hear her

you broke her

and even if you are talking again you still left
and she still rushes to the restroom in school
to break down in the empty stall where no one can see
so she can pretend she is stronger than she really is

you broke her

she no longer likes waking up in the morning
because she already had problems before but now she seems to think that she will never be good enough
so many people have made her feel that way and now you're just another one on the list
and she has to face that every **** day

you broke her

she loved you
so
*******
much
and now whenever she tries to sleep you plague her thoughts so she is restless
numb and broken unable to piece together what happened
still confused by your actions

you broke her

and the only thing she can manage to think
is why
why
why

i feel dope sick
when you're not around
because your eyes
are euphoric
in a way
no one elses are
and just one look from you
makes me feel
indescribable
and i realise
i might just be an addict

s.s

you left

you
*******
left

with no explanation
you just left

so don't even try to rationalize
what you did this time
because you have made me feel
so worthless
that i don't think
you can fix it


s.s

your words are locked in your lungs
mixing with *** smoke
but never being exhaled

and your lips are locked shut
except when they're being parted
by some other girl's tongue

so i don't know how to talk to you anymore
because nothing real seems to come out
and you just can not communicate

s.s

i miss you
but i also miss who you used to be
when you cared
and weren't headed down such a dark road

when i look in your eyes
i can still see him
but you're killing him
and i'm not sure if you realise

i will never be with you
when you're like this
because i care to much
to just stand by
and watch your death

s.s

i can still smell you on my clothes
and see you burnt into my eyelids
and you still trace my dreams
so to avoid you i don't sleep

my hands are shaking
because i can almost feel you holding them
and my skin itches
where they used to be

i can taste you in the smoke
i’m breathing in to forget you
and i'm not sure if i'm choking
on the fumes or your name

but no matter what
the thought of you makes me dizzy
because ******* memories
flood my head
with tears drowning
everything i could cling to

s.s

i am both the protagonist and antagonist
of my own story

every night i battle myself
weapon in hand
both defending and attacking
and the blood i shed
is traced with hypocrisy

i always tell myself i am better
than the devil i've created
yet occasionally i seem to overpower
my own good

so today
i went to war
to duel and defend
but i'm afraid tonight’s tale
did not have a happy end

s.s