A self destructive terrorist an anti social embarrassment
not one to sport a bomber vest but the first to volunteer to jump off a cliff not wanting to please god up above just pleading to end his own life due to lack of love this isn't a terrorist in the sense of harmful to others he only harms himself  when he can escape the company of others surrounded by many yet he is alone could never harm a fly but he'll wage war on himself he'll draw plans on his wrist with the razors of bliss and drop bombs of pills into the abyss no children will die no mothers will cry just another heart failure in the works the city will stand and the man will fall he has finally won the war as he breathes his last breath he was just a normal man not a killer he's not the only one the self destructive terrorist he hides in everyone

nothing but a ******* son
obsessed with my own death but the first to run
on a road to self destruction
school is to drool because I never stay awake
and love is to self because it's the only kind that isn't fake
wake is to bake the only times where I don't hate myself
life is a strife where everything feels perfect when nothings alright
death is what comes next because time never has the time to enjoy the light
drugs give the warmest hugs but when they leave make you feel so unloved
alcohol is to diet because how else do I keep this weight off
a blank mind feels so kind
ignorance I wish was mine
only blind men have clean souls
dreams are haunting because they feel real and right until I wake up to the afternoon light
****** and alone I laugh at everything but feel so alone

Hello midnight we meet again my distasteful friend my lack of sleep is killing me but the contents of my mind bring together our embrace every night this pattern holds no end in sight so I sit here writing criticizing myself in a way no one else can or wants to be criticized themselves I rip my mental apart with each passing thought praying that I wasn't put on this earth to rot my eyes are bloodshot and the positive serenity that I crave and want back with me will not let me keep it's presences but midnight is always a comfort to me it tells me of an assured bad morning and another emotionless dazed and confused day

I dreamed of an abyss searing red scaring my flesh and choruses of screams like mine individually they tell of the wicked lives they lived together they tell a story of how we were ****** from the start i try not to scream i try to remain silent and unnoticed by the endless dismal barren pit the red now revealed to be flames increase and screams of pain agony and sorrow flood out uncontrollably tears evaporate as soon as they leave my eyes where am i what is this abyss is it my final resting place i hear a scream unlike all the rest not one of pain or self reflection but of shear pleasure i am in flames but my body goes ice cold i am in pain but can no longer scream what is this abyss from my mind it will not dismiss

I hate my reflection for when I see the dark circles under my eyes from the rest thoughts of you have stolen from me at night or the hollow face I wear  sometimes comes a plastic smile when others see me but alone I wear the nothingness I feel inside and I lie to myself and say i'll get over you in due time so now I sit back against the wall I recollect all of our memories together and it only makes me feel small like a vanishing act vanishing like a *Cheshire Cat

Lay me down to rest the bullet holes like goodnight kisses fill my chest
is this a dream or a reality because I am too blind to see please answer me my heart beat starts to fail is there anymore will power left in me? was the hell you dragged me through that consuming is it my spirit and soul I surrendered to the wind when I picked a fight with the demons I have locked within or was it the drugs I stole to fill my emptiness not to worry the angry dealer found me with a 12 gauge and he didn't miss so as the bullets exit my body I see the image of an old math teacher saying
*class dismissed

Yelling at the TV feeling so small
Another loved one dead why don't you just take them all
one by one we die
but in support groups we cry we all have pain in life
but no one truly gets it at all I just sit so alone and small
everyone says I can come to them anytime
but it's not their problem they don't wanna here me whine
so I choose to sit and decay don't let anyone see me today I've buried myself in everything that's bad for my health  and I don't want them to be disgusted with me
so let me sit
let me rot
everyone's gonna die so why not me
just let the rest of my family be
please please please!
STOP STOP STOP
take me instead take me instead
if I had a choice she'd be alive and id be dead