11/2023
Feeling much better because many things changed after trauma therapy for me. But I barely remember how I went through the last months of the last year. If you're still in this dark place, please keep looking for solution and help. You are not alone and isolation isn't the answer. As much as it costs you to ask for help, reach out to a center or doctor, friend or family member. Please do it. Talk about your problems. Your problems aren't your fault. It is a heavy burden to carry and you deserve all the support you need to overcome it. I believe in you.

Noticed that I've been trying to control myself in various ways even when I am alone. This is daunting and prevents relaxation from happening. Breath deeply, relax and let go of control.

honestly, how many definitions of love are out there? Aren't you, too, confused?

Long exhales. You are safe here. Look around you. Realize that your body is safe. Continue breathing <3

What would happen if we always talked this way to ourselves?

I have visited my home country in Central Asia last year and experienced one particular family's life where I stayed overnight before going to see my own relatives. This family, quite wealthy for this country, had an absolutely disfunctional atmosphere at home. In the poem I am referring to the woman, who is the mother of the family and basically the boss. I could see through the fassade, she was unhappy, fearful, drinking a lot and manipulating the whole family. She felt triggered by me and was very impolite (to say the least) and jealous even though she agreed to having me as a guest at first. I tried to look beyond her anger and I saw a broken heart and a totally confused person.

Affirmation to not dissociate in an attempt of avoiding difficult feelings and sensations in my body. To keep staying connected with myself.