Tiara I S

Mar 2019

Madison

My demons are there for me
When you aren't.

#demons #sad #raw #dailypoem

Tiara I S Mar 2019

Meet my gaze and plummet into me
My darkness- desires- and diseases
Serenade the shadows away
Take my hand and intertwine into the beat of our hearts flowing into one
Swipe my tears upon your sleeve
Press your chin atop my head
Wrap your warmth around me
Let me escape icy midnight swims

directions for holding me together

#help #depression #anxiety

Tiara I S Mar 2019

stress sweat sleep

I have dreams involving ****** lately
Breathing heavy- blankets twisted- mind shaken

Forced to **** in a hyper-reality

Every fear I've ever had vividly reincarnated
All whom I love in these cotton clouds are attacked

It's my consciousness that has me fighting back

Is there something looming in the future?
That's got me- after weeks- aiming loaded guns

In the beginning I would wake up in a sweat
My eyes dripping wet- I'd run my heart beat till I'd awaken to have escaped
Now I kick in glass and chase shadows looming corners

I dont wait and actively search for the disorder

Sweet children snatched from my heavy arms- I push through
Till I'm nearly awake just to break the sleep chains

I dont wanna **** unless I'm asleep

For there reality can easily be just my nightmares

I've been less stressed while conscious- funny cuz unconscious me has stressful decisions to make as a result
And it all seems all too real

#nightmares #****** #sweat #dreams #sleep #stress #anxiety

Tiara I S Mar 2019

Soc Anx

When did friendship come with an expiration date
Since the first date we were strung out
Rung out and left to decay away
I thought I called Philotes all this time
Wrong dial- wrong mood- Oizys answers me in her place

It is the fear of absolment that vices my tongue
For I too often dissolve beneath others' acid
Quicker to cut the appendage than to gather my pride
Or what's been scraped from me

because I yearn for our friendship to remain intact and I do not think you quite understand how detrimental it is for me

#friendship #misery #miscommnunications #socialanxiety #anxiety

Tiara I S Mar 2019

KG you are too good to me

it is painful and numbing
To wish for hate to flood
I cannot hate you
Even if you do not let me go
But drop me
On my face onto concrete

City lights are so blinding
Blurring my tears
I swing on the moon
Sip from the devils brew
Just to momentarily forget you
Dont lift me so high
If you only wanted to drop me
Blood swells in my mouth
I choke on my heart
Your silence is deafening

Tires screeching in the night
Prolonging the inevitable
An accident at the center of my world
I let you in too close
I should have gotten better security
Tell em your description
This wont happen again
Except it will
It has
You're the first to get this close
To drop me from so high
I will cling to you in those seconds
Not life- not living- you
Made my life bearable
Did I hurt you accidentally
When I poured my poison
Into a glass
You tossed back toxin after toxin
Of mine
Like it was nothing
Did I hurt you
Did I change you

This numbing pain clings
Like your whispers across my skin
As you ran through me
Shivers igniting me aflame
You were always my favorite
I melted in your arms
It felt safe and warm
Did I push you away
When I put up defenses
When I simply was there for you
Or was I nothing
Did I demote along the way
Was I not enough
Did I not give enough

I didn't try hard enough
I wasn't enough for you
You think of me as irresponsible
Yet I did my best
It wasn't enough
I wasn't enough
Even at my best
You wished for me to be better

I'm sorry I am not enough

he's a good one
I say I hate men
He nods and says same

#friendship #isolation #anxiety #fear