~~~
my diet of ideas
is without carbs
that convert to saccharine;
a life filed by the pauses of milky hot coffee sips,
these are the protein compositional periods,
in my otherwise,
stuttering life

when they come to me,
these escapades of poems~moments
'tis the only nutrition this man needs

I was hungry
          and you gave me bread of life
I was thirsty
          and you gave me living water
I was lonely
          and you said to me
          "I will never leave you nor forsake you"
I was tired
          and you gave me rest
I was afraid
          you said "fear not, for I am with you always,
          even unto the ends of the Earth"

Everything I need comes from you
Thank you Father

My boat is waiting, I am ready to sail.
In the ocean of my own sorrow.
I know, it’s gonna hurt.
So, ******* one last kiss.
The journey will be long, don’t know the end.
But I promise, I will meet you again across the ocean.
Where the Sun won’t set,
Shadows of our past would fade.
We won’t be scared of our feelings.
No boundaries to keep us apart.
And love would blossom.
Till then, remember me in your memories.
But today I have to sail alone in my decrepit boat.

I'm grateful for your service
If you served our nation
And you did what you had to do

One grandfather served
In North Africa
And faced Rommel's Korps

The other survived countless hours
Of depth charges
On a submarine
And returned safely to shore

Thank you veterans for your service
We are in debt to you

My heart is on fire
With love.
Love for people I don't know.
It's on fire
With passion.
Passion for things I don't like.
It's on fire
With pain.
Pain because of him.
It's on fire
With the memory of his kiss.
With the happiness I remember.  
With my childhood.
With laughter.
Tears.
Smiles.
Life.
Death.
Its on fire.
And I'm terrified the flame is going to go out.

I would like to wrap my words around this page-
outstretch my arms so I can hold up the stage below me
tell it-
tell everyone
things will not be this bad for too much longer..
But I've never really been much of a liar
just a melancholy toned razor tongue
with a quick wit and keen punchlines
I am all and I am nothing in the same breath.
Breathe. I try to track how many I take
but there's too much breathing and not enough oxygen
these arms are now making me choke
held too tightly around this stage
that has become my throat
these words are slipping
they have become my will, my oath
my proof that something exists
and as it is all drifting and drifting
I am reminded-
nothing does.
My mind plays tricks on itself
my left brain likes to tie a lasso around my right
until all of the creativity is squeezed beneath my toes
under a microphone,
in front of a laptop,
for everyone to see
and laughs when it realizes this is all I have.
Then my right brain retaliates
excellerates into oblivion
and becomes one with my anxiety
it speeds up everything in my thinking process I own
until I am the one-
spinning and swerving and crashing
until I am the one-
manic and crying and thinking about death
and it laughs when I'm clutching my legs again
when it thinks it's won the battle
and see I wake up everyday and fight.
There is no beautiful music to play-
no genre to this madness
You can spin me like I'm on a record player
and watch me slowly turn.
There is no going backwards for me
only forward and repeat
and my history sounds a little like
a skipped disk in the CD slot
because you keep replaying the same parts
over and over and o-over and o-o-o-o-ver again.
This cycle plays on repeat for days on end
until eventually everyone gets tired of it
and it's thrown away-
These arms let go.
I am left speechless again.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting
for the soft spoken tap of the keys to reel me back in
whispering a string quartet of desire and longing
only to watch my mind begin the game again.
Gaining only scratches on my surface-
Skip me.
I don't wanna play anymore.