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settled in a glass grown vineyard,
the sleep-addled living room
door with gutteral hinges, making friends
with pall mall smoke rings
and let ghost blood spill all over
on couches and our moncler's
wake up to the sound of you crying
on the staircase feeling the scratchy carpet
through blankets on the bed
like my heart is teething, hurting again
he picked me up and lay me there
like you once did except you've been dead
for five years
 Jan 2016 Shantanu Nagdeote
Raven
eyes like the forest
mysterious and inviting
draw me close
until i am lost.
Don't you remember?
We were best friends.
We loved each other.
Don't you remember?
We talked about the future.
Everything seemed so certain.
So what happened?
Everything went from "is" to "was"
and "yes" to "maybe."
So what happened?
The time I used to spend with you
I now spend wondering where I went wrong.
Am I to blame?
I let things get out of hand.
I let you have your way.
Am I to blame?
I fought too hard
when I should have let you go.
So where do we go from here?
You pull me in close
when you feel like it.
So where do we go from here?
I want to be strong,
but I want you, too.
 Jan 2016 Shantanu Nagdeote
Shay
A burning flame flickering,

an emerald colour shimmering,

with a smell of earth and trees;

and on my fingers is the soft feel of wax melting with ease.
I like here in this gilded cage
On a bed made of feathers
But no comfort is made
This bed might as well be metal or stone
No matter how luxurious this cage is
I am still trapped

Food made for the feast every night
Exotic and scrumptious
At least that's what I've heard
Because it tastes like rocks and sand to me
I swallow the lumps down one by one
No matter how good the food is,
I am still trapped

Entertainment of the finest kind
Laughter and joy all around
But the performers might as well be dancing skeletons
I watch the bones shake to the audiences laughter
The most I can fake is a small smile
No matter how good they perform
I am still trapped

But I envy these performers and these guests at this feast
They can leave whenever they want
They think I live in a dream house,
Free to do whatever I please
In reality I am the performer here
Forced to abide by the rules of Her
She keeps me trapped here

So no matter how nice the gowns are,
How big the castle is,
How amazing my life looks,
The truth is I am trapped

I'd rather live in a smelly corner
Surrounded by dirt and swine
Then live here another second

Because at least then I won't be trapped
So as I fall asleep that night
I dream of the word
That keeps me going from day to day,
The one word She can never take away
As the darkness starts to pull me under for those
Blissful hours, I find myself whispering my hope
Freedom
your face hums behind my closed eyes
as i tumble down a rabbit hole
goosebumps rise like baking yeast
the stars in my ribs spin like wheels
and all i can smell is the warmth of your skin

in the dark i drink the moments in
and hope that by the time sun leaks through
there is nothing in this dimension but dust
We stand face to face ..
O worship of my eyes ..
This is the sacred ground of love ..
Where no one can commit offence ..
Therefore, Bow down you head ..
And offer prayers in reverence ..
Grant me this favor ..
That when i fall at your feet ..
May my head never rise again ..
May my life run its course ..
My beautiful beloved ..
Thus thinks an innocent heart ..
How glorious to have love tear your soul apart ..
And so i go insane ..
And such in my insanity ..
That storms lie at my feet ..
And obsessions ravange my thoughts ..
Grant me a vision ..
That i may dedicated my life and shower it over you ..
A life without a meaning ..
A prayer without substance ..
Just realized that
I'm truly not capable
Of falling in love

Because if I am
You should clearly know by now
After I said so

But look, I left you
Coz one day I just woke up
Saying, "whatever".
I don't see you struggling.
I'm watching you conquer.
I don't see your weakness, I feel your strength.
Don't let them judge you, make them respect you.
Don't let yourself get down, push yourself higher.
Your children are your cubs so protect them like a lioness,
**** what people say, because you're blowing us all away.
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