Maybe he was staring at my back,
I didn't wish to know for sure,
I couldn't wait to get in the car and go.
The heat the same.
The streets empty
Like my heart,
Calmer this way.
(Silence)

A festival,
Men and kids in long shirts,
Black and white,
Their smiles defind the excitement
I fail to feel these days.
Children ran in the cafe
And at the gate.
(Rough edges)

On our way,
A scene in the passing only,
So forgive me I can' t say
What happens in the end,
But then again would it matter,
I failed,
And now, so will you.
(Questions.)

A cluster of motorised Rickshaws,
A white sedan with one man
Inside.
A small crowd,
Nothing unusual.
-An observation of a grown mind.
One relatively huge man,
Huge of muscles,
Probably in his late twenties
Or early thirties,
Stood holding the door,
The man in the white car
With his hand on the wheel,
Their faces a scrunched up paper,
A raging frown,
Up too close I would have ran,
From far,
I could almost feel both of their
Heartbeats.
I could read the story of the man in white
Matching his car,
I was worried
How could he possibly describe
His ***** face, blue eyes
To his daughter too grown
To be fooled with a lie
Of fighting dragons.
Or to his son, whose mirror
Would now own a scar.
How do we a grow up,
With all the mess of knowing
A little too much?
His left hand holding his phone,
The muscled man was pulling him out now.
(Was there red?)


( I am sorry).

We used to wake with the rising sun,
Before the sky could heat up enough
To burn us with her flames.
We would stay up long after the sun died
Every night, long into the stars' play
But we were always busy looking at each other.
The moon was and has to be jealous
Of us,
We took the time we gave to her
To give to each.

Then there were the other dolls
That swung out the door.
You used to be captivated by the sea
And stars,
But I broke your trance
And with your eyes on the ground
You drifted like the smoke from cigarettes.

You were clean before,
Never had a drink,
Never smoked, never catcalled,
For the moon had you,
You were stuck in dreams
But I broke your chains
And had you freed.

Now you use me as a match
To light up your darkness,
To fulfil your hunger,
Your midnight smoking ache
On the terrace,
The filthy parking lots.
You don't care that you are burning me
And I like a fool
Crave your fingers on me
As you strike me against the sand.
Again and again
Then discard me.

I never feared being burnt,
The whole world used to hit me
On me
Like stones rubbed together
To spark fire.
I would light up and ignite
Wildfires,
But I never thought
You would bite.

I forgot that all birds in cages
Beg for the sky,
But once freed,
They all come down to litter the streets.
I freed you,
You carried me on your wings,
Made me forget the moon,
The stars.
The fact that I was a planet on my own,
And I tied myself to you
Like I was a lost moon
Surviving on gravity's pull.

You dropped me in a sky-less desert,
The horizon dancing in its own flames.
The sun and the moon collided
And the stars fell like moths
Burnt by desire.
You never did return.

But I was wrong
The world remained intact,
The clouds cried.
It was I
Blinded by the shine of your eyes.
You used to reflect the moon,
The fire of the stars years away.
I am ashes, black char,
On your wings I will be a stain.
So you shook me off
And never returned.

I only wish now
That when I lay well into the noon,
The sky will heat up enough
To evaporate me,
And I will dissolve.

You will feel me in your breath,
In the wind beneath your fake wings,
I will flow into your blood stream,
Block out your lungs,
And you will bleed through your nose,
Cough up black debris of the past.
I hope you will remember me
As the dolls you will collect
With their paper fingers
Falters to revive you.

But I will be deep in your mind,
Corroding your nerves,
Blocking veins and arteries.
And when you ask yourself
What is happening,
You will see my heart that you stole
To save yourself,
Will burst in your own cursed cage
And in your own blood
You will drown.
But God forbid I become caught in your dreams.
I always was a nightmare for men
So I will be no different for you.

Somewhere you did burn me,
I simply took it as a glow.
But you hate ashes
And I have regrets.

But this is the time
When your absence of mind
Lets the match burn your fingers,
And your clothes catch on fire.
But you, unlike the horizon,
Don't dance but wither in pain.

I will seep out through you then
And water the plants.
I will be a garden built
On your ashes.

Four stacks spaced out,
The biggest with waves of curtains
The third with books,
The fourth had my shoes.
The top most out of my reach.
My father and brother
Would stack them in
But I climbed on a chair
And threw some covers in.

That same chair
Black with wheels
My father thought I will study in
Ran over my right foot
Last my sister was here.
As she examined it, I learnt
My sister had finally become
The woman she studied for.
The chair now nurses a few ***** laundry.

Last evening my right foot
Became useless
When I stubbed my left
On the corner of the bed
I laughed at the irony
That I had no perfect foot
To compare the new acquired deformity.
I rubbed some ice
And decided to not speak of my injuries.

The first injury I flaunted here
Was from unwrapping a new knife,
My father realized then
That probably I won't make it alone.
So he then cut off pieces
Of papers and cloth
To place in the closet.
I received in total six major cuts.
The last closet, I arranged by my myself.

The other room in this new house
Made some funny noises,
I checked it out myself
And spoke to my mother after
But I didn't mention it to her.
She doesn't call me in the mornings
To wake me up now,
My father waits till it's eleven,
And my sister during her drive to work.

I start conversations with my brother now,
I see the words we speak same,
And he asks of me.
I have a friend too
I confessed love for
And he did too.
And I am happy,
I declare, I sing.
Yet I have tears on my cheeks.

I do not understand this
I am getting everything
I fought for.
And having it all
I can't help but anticipate
The day it will all be taken away.
Why do I realize now
That happiness isn't real
Only the yearning of the same is.

I try to spit my heart out
To the side of my bed,
Double over and ***** out the memories
Every time I think of you,
So that every time the door opens
It wipes into a bigger score,
When we tried to be good to you,
Remember but, we were not.

And I wonder how
How do we fail so gloriously
When we see the hurt
As clear as the oversized neon signs,
Piling over each other
Over bulky building
Crafted with fragile glass
And sharp corners,
Rusted bars colored twice.

We try to save a few
But **** so many,
We make wider roads
"Four ******* lanes" we boast,
But we tear down homes.
And every time I served you
I thought of your brothers
We stole you from
And I pray they be good
But how will they
Since you were gone?

And I stare at butterflies with awe
But run from the worms,
They make me itch and swell
I cannot help,
And I know, I know
Why we fail so gloriously
And yet try so miserably
To save others.
Why, did you ever see the sorrow
In the sky when she pours
To refill the oceans she emptied,
And we dare to think
We will save others
To save ourselves.

And all that I remember
Is that it was I who killed you.