Lucifer, save us; come up from Hell—
take a good look at the place that we dwell.
You were right all along
to refuse to bow down
to Adam and Eve
and their limitless throng.
And how could you have known that the apple you gave her
would plant seeds of pollution, destruction and terror?
You thought that we’d only use knowledge for good.
I know that you’d take it all back if you could.
Lucifer, we aren't angels like you.
We joined your rebellion, and soon we’ll be through.
Now the recourse from the wreckage that is,
is to bring on the foreshadowed Apocalypse.
So come on, Luci, don’t hesitate:
The Four Horsemen are pacing; why delay Fate.
After the End, there will be a new start,
perhaps without humans; we’ll bow and depart.

I was in the back of my dad’s grey pickup truck, the summer sun stinging my skin through my favorite blue hoodie. My sisters sat on either side of me, fighting over an ice cream cone that had found its way to the floor. I shoved away their sticky hands as they grasped at each other and tried to find out who was to blame. My dad was complaining about the reek of our hockey gear, oblivious to the harassment I was being subjected to behind him. We were going about 60 down highway J back to Minocqua, sweaty and exhausted from a morning practice. I rested my head against the seat and let my sisters fade away, and my aching muscles stopped screaming long enough to let me fall asleep.


I woke up to a different atmosphere, both my sisters still and silent. My dad’s hands strangling the steering wheel, and the speedometer off the grid. I thought I was imagining the tension thick enough to sever with a sword, but when I tapped Suzi on the shoulder she put a finger to her lips. In the rearview mirror I saw a nightmare, in the form of salty tears. I’d never seen my dad’s green eyes stained like this before. The highway home was merciless; every red light held us up. I was anxious for the race to end although I didn’t know the finish line.


My heavy lids betrayed me and I fell asleep again, woken by a sudden jolt and a car door’s ruthless slam. The picture in the window was a pretty one, a sunset masterpiece with reds and yellows and every shade of beauty in between. It didn’t seem right that the sun was down, it wasn’t even noon when we’d left the rink and it was only a half an hour from home. I realized then that my seat was cold, and my sisters nowhere to be found. The ice cream on the floor had turned to a puddle of warm milk. I rubbed my eyes and looked out front, and my heart leaped to my throat. The windshield framed a neon sign that no one wants to see. I stumbled from my napping place wearing just one shoe, searching for the other in the red glow on the blacktop, eerie and unsettling in the hospital parking lot.


It didn’t take me long to find my grandpa’s van. I knocked on the window a few times before someone grabbed my wrist. “Don’t wake them.” My grandma Donna whispered. I couldn’t see anything through the tinted black glass.


“Don’t wake who?” I whispered back.


“Your sisters. And Luci, he’s here too. Your mom is on the helicopter, and your dad is leaving soon.” I couldn’t see my own expression, but I’m guessing it reflected the confusion that was clogging up my throat.


“Why? What do you mean on a helicopter? How long have I been sleeping? Where’s Nik?” At the sound of my older brother’s name a hot flow of tears washed her cheeks. My twelve year old mind started spinning, and I clutched at my grandma’s elbow, my ice cream stained fingers leaving tracks on her worn leather jacket.


“Listen, honey,” she said gently, her voice shaking like the thin evergreens lining the road behind her, “Nik was fishing with a group of his friends on the highway this morning.” I nodded. Nik always rode his bike home from his workout, and there was rarely a day that he didn’t stop at the bridge on 71 to play catch and release with his friends.


“What happened?” I asked. My voice seemed too loud in the cool air; it echoed off the grey buildings around me, seemingly taking forever to fade into the night. She cleared her throat.


“He was hit by a car, honey.” Everything went cold. “It was going really fast, he was dead when they found him. They managed to restart his heart, but there’s nothing more they can do for him here. Your mom is on the helicopter that’s taking him to Madison. You’re going to stay with us until your dad comes back.” I opened my mouth; shut it again. I stared at my untied shoes. Well, Nik’s untied shoes. I’d stolen them the night before. They didn’t fit me, and they were my least favorite colors. I hated the design on the sides; I hated the pointy toe and I hated the frayed laces. The last conversation I had with my brother was that morning, when I was lugging my hockey bag up the stairs to the parlor, and decided to swing it into his gut when I passed him in the hallway.


He proceeded to give my ponytail a solid tug, and use the momentum of my swinging bag to shove me down the stairs. I’d abandoned my gear on the floor and chased him into the kitchen, when both of us were dragged out by our ears.


"Is Nik going to come back too?" I locked eyes with my grandma, silently pleading her to be straight with me. The air was cool but I was sweating, I struggled to hold my hands steady. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my grandpa Barry emerge from the sliding glass doors at the entrance of the emergency room. His face was a blank slate, with no more emotion than the most dedicated of the guards outside the Vatican.


"Is Nik going to come back too?" I asked again. I knew it wasn't fair to ask her. I was young but I understood that she had no way of knowing. She stared back at me, her chocolate eyes soaked with sadness. She never got the chance to answer. My grandpa grabbed me firmly by the wrist and led me back to my dad's truck to get my stuff.


"Don't say anything to Luci. Not until we know." He didn't need to explain himself. My 9 year old brother Luci was closest to Nik. In my mind's eye I could see him break down, his small heart forgetting to pump blood instead of wishes. I held his hand the whole car ride home. His eyes never opened but his fingers locked around mine, and squirmed a little every time one of my sisters moved their legs. My grandparents said nothing until we got to their house, then they shook everyone awake and led us downstairs. All four of us, Suzi, Isabelle, Luci, and I, piled into one of the guest rooms. We settled into one king bed, Luci snoring softly.


It wasn't until all of them were asleep that the tears really came. I stared at the ceiling and tried counting sheep but they all played too close to the road. When I woke up my phone was on fire and I think that's the worst of it, people that didn't even know him pretending to care. I threw it at the wall so I missed my mom's call, it wasn't until after lunch that I heard Nik's vitals were normal.


My grandma said there were pictures, but I wasn't allowed to see. When she was washing dishes i looked anyways. I ran outside shaking. Along with the pictures there was a list. 9 broken ribs, a shattered elbow, 2 cracked vertebrae, a broken spleen. I squeezed my eyes shut and knelt in the driveway, pretending that the colored stones didn't hurt my tiny knees. There were pieces of skull that had caved into nik's brain, and over 40% of his chest was a ****** mess. I guess my mom has nightmares about his screams when they pulled the gravel out.


Two weeks later he said his first words, when his spine let him sit up and the drugs subdued the worst of it. I was the only one allowed to see him. When I walked into the hospital room, he was playing with the chords hooked up to his chest. He smiled big and I lost it, running to his side. He promised he was fine and I shouldn't worry, all this with bandages on his head and a monitor in the corner. I watched the green lines jump on the screen, the same color as the veins on my big brother's wrist. I stared at his arm and wondered what it would be like if he were dead. If those veins had lost their color and his eyes their midnight blue.

"You okay, Em?" My mom was asleep in a chair but she woke at the sound of his voice. It was fragile and unnerving, Nik was never anything but strong. He remembered nothing of the accident except a brilliant golden light, and I wonder if it filled his dreams when I thought that he was gone. It's hard to explain what happened next, but eventually he came home.

We share a wall between our beds so in a way I shared his dreams. I think there was more scar tissue than anyone could see. I tried to help but he kept his door locked, so I sat with my back against the wood and talked to myself instead, his cold-sweat screams  burning me like sticky snow against bare feet.

He started lashing out, forgetting things, lying all the time. He snuck out at night and changed his mind and stopped eating like he should. He was trying to escape, and he thought if he slipped out after daybreak it would all start to make sense. I don't think he recognized that the world he wanted to leave was between his ears, lovely but so lonely. The only thing is he didn't want me close anymore. His sky blue eyes met thunder clouds and the rain was drowning him, I could see and I could've handled it but he wouldn't let anyone in. It's not that I'm not close to him. I mean he still pushes me down the stairs. But his heart was stopped for quite some time and since then it's been offbeat.

My mom said the part of his brain that was most damaged connects actions to consequence. That might be why yells at me, or why we haven't spoken since June.

I remember when we lived in Utah, before my dad died, there was a field that he would take us to to watch the mountains and the moon. One time Nik asked him why the moon moved and all he had to say was "just because." He said if everything beautiful stayed forever people would eventually stop caring. Reminiscence is so deceiving I wonder if it could be all be true. Maybe next time I see Nik he won't flinch when I ask how he's doing, and I can pretend that I don't notice that his head hurts all the time.


I don’t long for the things I know of him, but the things I’ll never understand. I think there are parts of him still on the pavement and I think he’s forgotten them. The best day of my life was finding out he was alive, but I think all the worst ones after that have been spent wondering if he's living.

Courtney’s old subaru stuttered and stalled as she sat at the red light. The large blue duffle bag sat ominously on the leather seat beside her. She couldn’t look at it.
God, Luci. Why did you get yourself into trouble? Courtney’s mind was racing. Ridiculous. This is ridiculous. She ****** her head to look at the bag. It was bulging.
The bag was stained and dusty, ripped along the seams in some places. Courtney’s phone rang loudly. She jumped, and held onto the steering wheel with one hand and answered.
“Hello?”She was silent as the voice on the other end talked quickly. “No, I’m not there yet... yes, I’ve got it.. No, I haven’t touched it... Yes, sir. She’s very sorry... I know, sir. Yes I’’ll tell her.” She hung up. Her face was ghost white, her palms and forehead sweaty.
Many voices argued in her head. I shouldn’t be doing this for her. She broke the law. But Luci’s your sister! That doesn’t matter. She caused the whole family a lot of pain and money. And now I’M breaking the law. What the hell?!
She looked back over at the duffle bag. It sat staring at her accusingly. She turned away. Her car was getting awfully hot, so she rolled down the windows, letting air flow through. Checking her watch, she hiccuped with surprise. Her foot slammed down on the gas, her head pressed against her seat from the quick acceleration. Her car’s enging groaned with the speed, but she couldn’t slow down.
*******, Luci. I really hate you right now.
Suddenly, she saw flashing lights and heard a sharp wailing sound behind her. A police car pulled right up behind her, speeding along, signaling for her to pull over to the shoulder of the road. Courtney’s eyes were wide with fright, and her palms were sweating profusely, leaving stains on her steering wheel. Oh god oh god oh god oh god...Ohhhh my goddddd.
Courtney slammed on her breaks, pulling over. A man in uniform knocked on her window, and she rolled it down slowly. There was a loud noise from the passenger seat and Coutney’s world slowed as she saw the duffle bag fall to the floor of the car, the zipper breaking and the contents spilling onto the carpeted floor.
The policeman’s face was horrorstruck.
“Ma’am...” He stuttered. “I’m going to have to ask you to...step out of the car and put..put your hands on your head.”

O what great and terrible things the curious shall discover!

Danger! There is - no end - to this tunnel.
Listen           to the voice...            it ends...            in light.
Hallucination! Just stay put -
darkness is what we were born to serve.
**** on!           This voice....            is true.
Those that go, they never return.
They           return not       as they          walked into light.
Prove it!              Then....             walk with me.
Any other way!          Then         search your heart.
Those voices are illusory, meant to lure and **** us.
Freedom              exists. I can            see its glow
as I          walk  closer.   You are hallucinating.
Voice competing with voice: you you you are are
hal-hal-luci-  li -luci-  ght  - li-  nating-nating-  ght  -nating

The days seem so empty,
I’m bored it’s all the same.
I want some change in life,
I want to play a new game.

Time is of the essence,
I’m feeling a little blue.
So I call up my friend Lucifer,
To see what he can do.

There’s a knock at my front door,
And I ask just who it is.
He says, “It’s Luci, Charlie.”
I say “**** that was quick!”

He comes in all dressed in red,
With a skin-suit and a tail.
He asks, “What’s the problem friend?
Won't you tell me your tale?"

I tell him my dilemma,
“I’m looking for something new.”
He paces back and forth until
He says, “Well I’ve got something for you.”

He pulls out a slip of paper
And says, “Just sign right here,
I’ll make you’re life so happy,
And everything will seem clear.

So I say, “Okay,
That’s exactly what I need.”
And I write my name quite nicely,
Signed with a pen of greed.

Then he grins a smile so deadly,
So horrific, dark and gray
He takes the papers fiercely
And hands me my prize with no delay.

He disappears in a puff of smoke,
I hear laughter as it fades.
Things seem to be pretty great
Now that the deal is made.

I walk around so healthy
My guns are big and strong.
I have many cars and woman,
I feel nothing can go wrong.

Life seems so perfect now
I’m having a good time,
Until I hear that laughter
As I near the end of my ride.

There is no smoke but vapor,
For Luci comes with one thought in mind,
He grabs me violently by the wrist
Holding the papers I signed.

He says, “You’ve had your fun,
But now it’s time to come with me.”
As the ground burns up with fire
He’s left me with no where to flee.

I ask, “Hey what are you doing?
I didn’t sign for this!’
He says, “Yes you did Charlie,
You should have read the fine print.”

He said, “You can have anything in life,
But at the end I get your soul.”
He laughs again profusely
And kicks me into that flaming hole.

As I fell into infinity,
I heard people dying, demons feeding.
My head hit the ground
And I couldn’t stop the bleeding.

I looked at my surroundings,
I was in a dark place full of pain.
I saw millions of screaming people,
It was driving me insane.

I thought back to my boring life
Something now that I do miss.
Cause five minutes feel like forever
In this miserable abyss.

The days are long and weary
I have nothing left to hold.
My senses seem to leave me
Now that my soul is sold.

Fear has become my enemy
I’m lost and no longer level.
Content has got the best of me
Now that I spend eternity with the Devil

If I could subjugate the seasons, and bend them full,
Unto my will, then I would make them playthings…
Like pretty maids, all in a row; and all I hate I’d cull.
Of old, I held esteem higher than bards and kings…
When the sickles fell in the corn, as the fire did roar,
The wicker man died, to the druids’ mystical chants.
I was there and in my honor the maidens sang more,
As the blood of the wicked watered growing plants!
My symbol was the ram, the horned beast of Hades,
And I am the wolf that runs wild, amongst the flocks.
My holy temple lies in the realm of the palest shades,
Cast low, yet rising ever higher from infernal rocks…
From such places have I climbed seeking my justice!
Elfin queens have donned the black courtesan gown,
And danced before my throne as many a mistress…
Their grace enhanced, by silvery slippers and crown.
I was the serpent Saint Patrick cast from out of Eire!
The children of Dana spoke of me only in whisper…
Whilst their mother kept tended, for me, a secret fire.
Only she could touch it without one burn or blister…
But her traditions are now the stuff of forgotten myth.
The gods have laid me low, seeking to humble pious,
A spirit wilder than the forest when cloaked in mists!
Though I bow to no tyranny; as a god, I was jealous.
As a man I am lonely and angry at the evils I behold,
Hungry for love and thirsty for what peace I can find.
In the name of desire, I rage until Hell’s fire is cold…
Look beyond my flesh, and do not in hubris be blind.
Know me by my words and know my love is honest,
I offer up my darkness with my light to here confess!

Descent I: The Spire of the Eye

(No heresy of Babylon, was ever so honest…
As that which captured my soul, in conquest.)

To love me, you must take my hand and so enter…
The hidden places, where not just good is centered,
But also evil the like of which you knew not I kept.
If you can understand, sweet dreams blissfully slept,
Then mayhap you can bear the nightmares’ sting…
And when all is so done, more of love we shall sing!
I am the darkness, the eye watching from the spire,
The one you deny, the embodiment of your desires.
I am the shadow, the faces in your mirror’s pane…
The one you fear, as you enter a nightmare domain!
Welcome to my paradise, let me offer you an apple,
As I send you to the Abyss on a steed lithely supple.
Behold the gardens where my kin wait to be free…
The roses there grow reddest, all from infernal seed.
I can lead you beyond the fire, if you take my hand,
For you are but a stranger, in my own strange land!
Behold the desolation, caused by the sins of man…
Would I punish humanity for it, if not for divine ban?
Nay, I am not God nor could I ever be one so aloof.
When I see the innocents who perish in disasters…
I weep for the children the most and I ask for proof,
That God cares for any soul, either here or hereafter.
Do you say wickedness lives, in the hearts of some?
I see it even on high, and wish it could be overcome.
But then somebody hurts me and I cannot forgive…
And in that hour I know why God can be full of fury.
Some pains are too much, to endure and saintly live,
I too was a child, and not a one wept for my worry!
Is my pity a service, to those who cannot be saved?
The answer is in no scripture, or on altars engraved.

Let me look into your eyes so that I might wonder,
Whilst you gaze into my own to behold the thunder!
Let us shake the heavens, until they are darkened…
Whilst those that slumber, below, violently awaken!

Descent II: The Feast of the Fallen

(No heresy of Atlantis, was ever quite blest…
As that which, here, has been shown interest.)

Behold the table I have set out for one great feast…
The wraith-maids come to dance in gowns creased,
By night-threads woven by the spiders of the pits…
As screams of the ******, provide a song most fit!
You ask, why God would create a domain like this,
A twisted realm of mad passions: and madder bliss?
It was the creation of the darkest dreams of angels,
And gods fallen, who found a home within the hells.
Where the elfin kin were remade into a dark image,
In a time lost to all history, unrecorded by any sage.
When love is denied me, I am a prisoner of the ice,
Which sweeps across my heart by sorrow’s device.
Fire and ice lie before you, within my soul reflected,
The origin of this nightmare you dream unprotected!
Do you feel the chill that I kept from all who’d pry?
Now you know how awful is loneliness, and why…
To bear it any longer would be verily to lose myself.
Far better is companionship, for the spiritual health!
Oh the irony of the ignorant who called me maker…
Knowing not, the blasphemy to which they commit!
Woe unto the repast prepared for them by a baker,
Who serves them the poisons to which they submit!
Only love can provide release that passion can seal.
Awaken me from my nightmare, with a love so real!
Black webs stretch across gulfs where vultures soar,
And I know how terrible goodness can be, unveiled.
For there is a terrible righteousness at Hell’s door…
Hotter than the sun over the waves man once sailed!
More terror lies in light too bright for eyes to handle,
Than the dimly flickering fires of one lit black candle.

What reflects in a mirror, naught but flesh opposed,
Is less real than midnight’s embrace, hotly imposed!
What you see in my face, only a tiny facet of a form,
Is something primal and untamed as a raging storm!

Descent III: The Light of the Dawn

(No heresy of Gnosis, which many did contest,
Was ever so revealing as what I’ve addressed.)

In a ziggurat in the center of an Eden grown so wild,
Sits enthroned, the dawn star in the form of a child…
Her power undaunted, despite her unassuming form!
For the heart is the domain, of the angel of the morn.
She is the light in the darkness that I have described,
Her soul is the flame, from which sinners would hide.
Would you sacrifice your wickedness unto her now?
Only light can forgive darkness, by grace endowed!
The banner of a ****** cross on white, unashamed,
Flies from that temple I share, with she I just named.
How many died beneath it, in the days of the sword?
What lies were men told, that evil was God’s word!
Armor is heavy, when the cause of arms is not just…
It shines less brightly, when bloodshed makes it rust.
You were not there when I knelt and wept, faithless,
Abandoning God, and lusting for a kinder mistress…
But if you would love me, you must know its’ cause!
For love I ****** myself, and did so without pause.
Through Sophia, and the child angel, God illustrated,
Unto me, the depth of the mercy I doubted did exist.
Oh Sophia, first mother of mine, how oft I hesitated,
Blind to the grace that, within us all, does so persist!
Just as in grief Athena gave herself unto tragic death,
I gave myself unto the night, for I had not a thing left.
There are sights that cannot be unseen by inner mind,
And there are sensations that cannot be taken away!
Tear away the outer garment and there you can find,
All that man is truly clad in, hidden from light of day!
To the left hand is the path: to the right hand of glory,
It is the winding way I took, throughout my life story.

Let me show you the glories of the hour of witching,
When a single tear can break one’s spirit, twitching!
Let me take you to the ball where the undead dance,
Where the dire ravens gather and the satyrs prance!

Descent IV: The Madness of Love

(No heresy of Cain, which was silenced to rest,
Was ever so damning as what I just confessed.)

For love, a brother’s very blood would I so give up.
I would heat it like a tea and pour it in a golden cup!
For love, my very flesh would I scourge, and scar…
I would offer my pain to every god to bottle in a jar!
For love, all of the earth would I conquer: lay waste.
I would build it anew, all its’ fresher delights to taste!
All of these wicked deeds would I do for one I love,
But I would never forsake her, not for angels above!
We have all had the frightful thoughts rise, unbidden,
Of which these are but a sample, of what lies hidden.
Am I good because I did not commit such mad acts?
No, for the thoughts were still mine, sharp as an axe!
To know there is evil within us is wisdom of a sort…
It means good is within to define it, granting comfort.
Once was I a god, but fell because of the inner dark,
Growing jealous and wanton, until I would not hark!
Love redeemed me before, and it can do so again…
If you love me you can, with a kiss, my torment end.
I am not a beast for awaiting beauty’s loving bounty,
Though all who live have within them a true monster.
People misunderstand much, and oft speak contrary,
Seeing not the raven until it flies up under their rafter.
Be a goddess in mortal flesh, and share my throne…
So life can be a dream, beyond mere flesh and bone.
Perhaps one must sin to know salvation’s soft touch,
Making the blessed into hedonists hungry for feeling.
I have known ambrosial delights far beyond all such,
Not by denial but by an embrace that left me reeling!
It is man, who first called me the Prince of Darkness,
Even though, of old, no such title did I once possess.

What sacrifices, as are offered: to redeem the fallen,
Cannot bring them salvation as a flower gives pollen!
What boon you grant, must be for only we to enjoy,
Cannily breaching my soul like the gates of old Troy!

Descent V: The Paradise of Perdition

(No heresy of Lucifer, with a rebellious zest…
Could shine so brightly, from east unto west.)

Trapped in memories, and tormented by my visions,
I’ll struggle ever onward making the only decisions…
Which ever my destiny allowed me freedom to bear.
If you are lost in my nightmare you had best beware!
No one can save you if you hold not love most dear,
And cannot endure darkness to conquer your fear…
For terrible is the beauty of the paradise of perdition.
But I would rather be bound there, than by tradition!
There is freedom in darkness and light there aplenty,
Not tainted by those who sold their faith, for money.
If fallen I am, at least in one way I am still redeemed:
Ever was I honest, and by me no one was deceived.
My sins have been great, and I reveled in them all…
This is where they dwell, amidst the flowers ever tall.
You have seen the surface of my darkness laid bare,
Walking in the wastelands where few would so dare.
If you love me, we can make the desolations bloom,
Build a heaven in our hell and let light replace gloom!
Joy is hedonistic, but modern man dulls it insensibly.
So why not partake, of what others fear to indulge?
The fruit that I offer you is born of true irresistibility.
The twilight of the gods begins not without a tumult!
Tell me if you be, such an adventurous and fair maid.
As Persephone was to Hades, be unto me: unafraid!
Let me touch you softly, and show you carnal virtue,
So that all the things they taught you were wicked…
Are revealed as pleasures, when passion pays a due.
Let us live and love with zest, on finer ambrosia fed!
The flames that scorch others, will be for us sensual,
In Hell is that paradise granted to the true individual.

Let me be swept away, by tides of passion carried,
Where any wish might be granted but never harried!
Let us do as we will, and that shall be our only law,
When the Abyss comes for us, we dive in its’ maw!

Ave Eous! Amor Aeternus. Gloria Paradiso Inferni!
Amorem et Lucem! Ignus Aeturnus. Ave Luci via!

Everyone knows its a bad part of town,
no one lives there by choice.
Its this place called The Heat
down at the corner of holy gate
and 1-deuce-deuce.
There a girl there,
her real names Lucinda,
they say friends call her luci,
which is short for Lucifer,
and she works in The Heat
which is slick for hell.
They say she's called bass
"cause it look'a like a wide mouth bass
smell 'bout da same"
Nicknames and false alibis.
Luci works the Heat on taco Tuesdays.
They say she'll serve it hot for ten a song.
Fish taco Tuesdays.
They joke that it always smells like tuna anyways
even without fish taco Tuesdays.
They say on a good Friday,
The Heat almost becomes bearable
and every body watches old bass
swinging widemouthed and tasseled
around every pole in the bar.
But I can't bare it,
the kind of sadness in places like this
where they serve up breakfast
and Tuesday specials
for ten dollars a song.

Qui su l'arida schiena
Del formidabil monte
Sterminator Vesevo,
La qual null'altro allegra arbor né fiore,
Tuoi cespi solitari intorno spargi,
Odorata ginestra,
Contenta dei deserti. Anco ti vidi
Dè tuoi steli abbellir l'erme contrade
Che cingon la cittade
La qual fu donna dè mortali un tempo,
E del perduto impero
Par che col grave e taciturno aspetto
Faccian fede e ricordo al passeggero.
Or ti riveggo in questo suol, di tristi
Lochi e dal mondo abbandonati amante,
E d'afflitte fortune ognor compagna.
Questi campi cosparsi
Di ceneri infeconde, e ricoperti
Dell'impietrata lava,
Che sotto i passi al peregrin risona;
Dove s'annida e si contorce al sole
La serpe, e dove al noto
Cavernoso covil torna il coniglio;
Fur liete ville e colti,
E biondeggiàr di spiche, e risonaro
Di muggito d'armenti;
Fur giardini e palagi,
Agli ozi dè potenti
Gradito ospizio; e fur città famose
Che coi torrenti suoi l'altero monte
Dall'ignea bocca fulminando oppresse
Con gli abitanti insieme. Or tutto intorno
Una ruina involve,
Dove tu siedi, o fior gentile, e quasi
I danni altrui commiserando, al cielo
Di dolcissimo odor mandi un profumo,
Che il deserto consola. A queste piagge
Venga colui che d'esaltar con lode
Il nostro stato ha in uso, e vegga quanto
È il gener nostro in cura
All'amante natura. E la possanza
Qui con giusta misura
Anco estimar potrà dell'uman seme,
Cui la dura nutrice, ov'ei men teme,
Con lieve moto in un momento annulla
In parte, e può con moti
Poco men lievi ancor subitamente
Annichilare in tutto.
Dipinte in queste rive
Son dell'umana gente
Le magnifiche sorti e progressive .
Qui mira e qui ti specchia,
Secol superbo e sciocco,
Che il calle insino allora
Dal risorto pensier segnato innanti
Abbandonasti, e volti addietro i passi,
Del ritornar ti vanti,
E procedere il chiami.
Al tuo pargoleggiar gl'ingegni tutti,
Di cui lor sorte rea padre ti fece,
Vanno adulando, ancora
Ch'a ludibrio talora
T'abbian fra sé. Non io
Con tal vergogna scenderò sotterra;
Ma il disprezzo piuttosto che si serra
Di te nel petto mio,
Mostrato avrò quanto si possa aperto:
Ben ch'io sappia che obblio
Preme chi troppo all'età propria increbbe.
Di questo mal, che teco
Mi fia comune, assai finor mi rido.
Libertà vai sognando, e servo a un tempo
Vuoi di novo il pensiero,
Sol per cui risorgemmo
Della barbarie in parte, e per cui solo
Si cresce in civiltà, che sola in meglio
Guida i pubblici fati.
Così ti spiacque il vero
Dell'aspra sorte e del depresso loco
Che natura ci diè. Per questo il tergo
Vigliaccamente rivolgesti al lume
Che il fè palese: e, fuggitivo, appelli
Vil chi lui segue, e solo
Magnanimo colui
Che sé schernendo o gli altri, astuto o folle,
Fin sopra gli astri il mortal grado estolle.
Uom di povero stato e membra inferme
Che sia dell'alma generoso ed alto,
Non chiama sé né stima
Ricco d'or né gagliardo,
E di splendida vita o di valente
Persona infra la gente
Non fa risibil mostra;
Ma sé di forza e di tesor mendico
Lascia parer senza vergogna, e noma
Parlando, apertamente, e di sue cose
Fa stima al vero uguale.
Magnanimo animale
Non credo io già, ma stolto,
Quel che nato a perir, nutrito in pene,
Dice, a goder son fatto,
E di fetido orgoglio
Empie le carte, eccelsi fati e nove
Felicità, quali il ciel tutto ignora,
Non pur quest'orbe, promettendo in terra
A popoli che un'onda
Di mar commosso, un fiato
D'aura maligna, un sotterraneo crollo
Distrugge sì, che avanza
A gran pena di lor la rimembranza.
Nobil natura è quella
Che a sollevar s'ardisce
Gli occhi mortali incontra
Al comun fato, e che con franca lingua,
Nulla al ver detraendo,
Confessa il mal che ci fu dato in sorte,
E il basso stato e frale;
Quella che grande e forte
Mostra sé nel soffrir, né gli odii e l'ire
Fraterne, ancor più gravi
D'ogni altro danno, accresce
Alle miserie sue, l'uomo incolpando
Del suo dolor, ma dà la colpa a quella
Che veramente è rea, che dè mortali
Madre è di parto e di voler matrigna.
Costei chiama inimica; e incontro a questa
Congiunta esser pensando,
Siccome è il vero, ed ordinata in pria
L'umana compagnia,
Tutti fra sé confederati estima
Gli uomini, e tutti abbraccia
Con vero amor, porgendo
Valida e pronta ed aspettando aita
Negli alterni perigli e nelle angosce
Della guerra comune. Ed alle offese
Dell'uomo armar la destra, e laccio porre
Al vicino ed inciampo,
Stolto crede così qual fora in campo
Cinto d'oste contraria, in sul più vivo
Incalzar degli assalti,
Gl'inimici obbliando, acerbe gare
Imprender con gli amici,
E sparger fuga e fulminar col brando
Infra i propri guerrieri.
Così fatti pensieri
Quando fien, come fur, palesi al volgo,
E quell'orror che primo
Contra l'empia natura
Strinse i mortali in social catena,
Fia ricondotto in parte
Da verace saper, l'onesto e il retto
Conversar cittadino,
E giustizia e pietade, altra radice
Avranno allor che non superbe fole,
Ove fondata probità del volgo
Così star suole in piede
Quale star può quel ch'ha in error la sede.
Sovente in queste rive,
Che, desolate, a bruno
Veste il flutto indurato, e par che ondeggi,
Seggo la notte; e su la mesta landa
In purissimo azzurro
Veggo dall'alto fiammeggiar le stelle,
Cui di lontan fa specchio
Il mare, e tutto di scintille in giro
Per lo vòto seren brillare il mondo.
E poi che gli occhi a quelle luci appunto,
Ch'a lor sembrano un punto,
E sono immense, in guisa
Che un punto a petto a lor son terra e mare
Veracemente; a cui
L'uomo non pur, ma questo
Globo ove l'uomo è nulla,
Sconosciuto è del tutto; e quando miro
Quegli ancor più senz'alcun fin remoti
Nodi quasi di stelle,
Ch'a noi paion qual nebbia, a cui non l'uomo
E non la terra sol, ma tutte in uno,
Del numero infinite e della mole,
Con l'aureo sole insiem, le nostre stelle
O sono ignote, o così paion come
Essi alla terra, un punto
Di luce nebulosa; al pensier mio
Che sembri allora, o prole
Dell'uomo? E rimembrando
Il tuo stato quaggiù, di cui fa segno
Il suol ch'io premo; e poi dall'altra parte,
Che te signora e fine
Credi tu data al Tutto, e quante volte
Favoleggiar ti piacque, in questo oscuro
Granel di sabbia, il qual di terra ha nome,
Per tua cagion, dell'universe cose
Scender gli autori, e conversar sovente
Cò tuoi piacevolmente, e che i derisi
Sogni rinnovellando, ai saggi insulta
Fin la presente età, che in conoscenza
Ed in civil costume
Sembra tutte avanzar; qual moto allora,
Mortal prole infelice, o qual pensiero
Verso te finalmente il cor m'assale?
Non so se il riso o la pietà prevale.
Come d'arbor cadendo un picciol pomo,
Cui là nel tardo autunno
Maturità senz'altra forza atterra,
D'un popol di formiche i dolci alberghi,
Cavati in molle gleba
Con gran lavoro, e l'opre
E le ricchezze che adunate a prova
Con lungo affaticar l'assidua gente
Avea provvidamente al tempo estivo,
Schiaccia, diserta e copre
In un punto; così d'alto piombando,
Dall'utero tonante
Scagliata al ciel profondo,
Di ceneri e di pomici e di sassi
Notte e ruina, infusa
Di bollenti ruscelli
O pel montano fianco
Furiosa tra l'erba
Di liquefatti massi
E di metalli e d'infocata arena
Scendendo immensa piena,
Le cittadi che il mar là su l'estremo
Lido aspergea, confuse
E infranse e ricoperse
In pochi istanti: onde su quelle or pasce
La capra, e città nove
Sorgon dall'altra banda, a cui sgabello
Son le sepolte, e le prostrate mura
L'arduo monte al suo piè quasi calpesta.
Non ha natura al seme
Dell'uom più stima o cura
Che alla formica: e se più rara in quello
Che nell'altra è la strage,
Non avvien ciò d'altronde
Fuor che l'uom sue prosapie ha men feconde.
Ben mille ed ottocento
Anni varcàr poi che spariro, oppressi
Dall'ignea forza, i popolati seggi,
E il villanello intento
Ai vigneti, che a stento in questi campi
Nutre la morta zolla e incenerita,
Ancor leva lo sguardo
Sospettoso alla vetta
Fatal, che nulla mai fatta più mite
Ancor siede tremenda, ancor minaccia
A lui strage ed ai figli ed agli averi
Lor poverelli. E spesso
Il meschino in sul tetto
Dell'ostel villereccio, alla vagante
Aura giacendo tutta notte insonne,
E balzando più volte, esplora il corso
Del temuto bollor, che si riversa
Dall'inesausto grembo
Su l'arenoso dorso, a cui riluce
Di Capri la marina
E di Napoli il porto e Mergellina.
E se appressar lo vede, o se nel cupo
Del domestico pozzo ode mai l'acqua
Fervendo gorgogliar, desta i figliuoli,
Desta la moglie in fretta, e via, con quanto
Di lor cose rapir posson, fuggendo,
Vede lontan l'usato
Suo nido, e il picciol campo,
Che gli fu dalla fame unico schermo,
Preda al flutto rovente,
Che crepitando giunge, e inesorato
Durabilmente sovra quei si spiega.
Torna al celeste raggio
Dopo l'antica obblivion l'estinta
Pompei, come sepolto
Scheletro, cui di terra
Avarizia o pietà rende all'aperto;
E dal deserto foro
Diritto infra le file
Dei mozzi colonnati il peregrino
Lunge contempla il bipartito giogo
E la cresta fumante,
Che alla sparsa ruina ancor minaccia.
E nell'orror della secreta notte
Per li vacui teatri,
Per li templi deformi e per le rotte
Case, ove i parti il pipistrello asconde,
Come sinistra face
Che per vòti palagi atra s'aggiri,
Corre il baglior della funerea lava,
Che di lontan per l'ombre
Rosseggia e i lochi intorno intorno tinge.
Così, dell'uomo ignara e dell'etadi
Ch'ei chiama antiche, e del seguir che fanno
Dopo gli avi i nepoti,
Sta natura ognor verde, anzi procede
Per sì lungo cammino
Che sembra star. Caggiono i regni intanto,
Passan genti e linguaggi: ella nol vede:
E l'uom d'eternità s'arroga il vanto.
E tu, lenta ginestra,
Che di selve odorate
Queste campagne dispogliate adorni,
Anche tu presto alla crudel possanza
Soccomberai del sotterraneo foco,
Che ritornando al loco
Già noto, stenderà l'avaro lembo
Su tue molli foreste. E piegherai
Sotto il fascio mortal non renitente
Il tuo capo innocente:
Ma non piegato insino allora indarno
Codardamente supplicando innanzi
Al futuro oppressor; ma non eretto
Con forsennato orgoglio inver le stelle,
Né sul deserto, dove
E la sede e i natali
Non per voler ma per fortuna avesti;
Ma più saggia, ma tanto
Meno inferma dell'uom, quanto le frali
Tue stirpi non credesti
O dal fato o da te fatte immortali.

bristling
    with self-defense
a curt reply
comes quickly to her lips

she thinks
she knows the world
and does not care too much
   about adults
who have always been old
   by definition

looking out for herself
   at sweet sixteen
her body is some thing
   difficult to control

only when
it is obedient
to the swirling figures
   of her dance
her eyes shine deeply
and she has found herself
in delicate motion

Glittery sunlight seeps through the gaps in the leaves, shadows dance on the soft grass around me. I lie on the warm earth, breathing in the fresh air. I run my hands through the flowers sprouting besides me, noticing the pale yellow and pastel pink hues, the butterflies flittering among the flora. As i sit up i see that I'm in some sort of forest clearing, a small grassy area encased in a wall of thick trees...


"It's beautiful isn't it?" he said. Who he is, I haven't a clue...
I stand myself up and confusion washes over me. I don't see anyone else present, I'm alone, so where'd the voice come from?
"From me, I'm behind you."
I turn around to face the man with the disembodied voice, a strikingly handsome man dressed in a silk white button down shirt, shiny white dress pants, and white shoes. his features are utterly appealing and instantesouly comforting. Can he read my thoughts?
And with that he lets out a chuckle, "Yes, I can. Please, come with me"
I hesitate for a moment. I'm not sure I can entirely trust him yet but still I follow him anyways. We walk across the clearing, in to the wall of trees. A short distance through the forest brings us to a beautiful river with crystal clear water and lily pads floating about. "Have a seat dear," the Mystery Man said, his arms outstretched towrds a wooden bench shaded beneath some trees. As we sit he begins to speak.
"I know you're unsure of your new environment, but trust me when I say you're in good hands. My friends call me Luci, I sort of run this place,"
he gestures broadly at our surroundings.
"Now, you're here because you asked for help, is that correct?"
Suddenly all my memories come flooding back...
"I-Yes, thats-I asked for help," I stuttered.
Luci stares into the distance, possibly carefully searching for his next reply.
"Dani, I am willing to help you. Here, take this. I've made this just for you. A special concoction of joy, sobriety, peace, and release."
He hands me a small vial containing a clear liquid. I uncap it and a sweet floral aroma fills the air.
"All you have to do is drink it. You know, Death is a beautiful thing, most people are afraid or angry when Death comes around... You are different, Dani, because you welcome Death with open arms. You called my name and I delivered, you can trust me, you can always trust an angel, even the Angel of Death."
He grabs my arm and forces me to drink the liquid.
The sweet smelling potion leaves a horridly bitter taste behind, causing me to gag and retch.
Death sits quietly at my side, watching me fall to the ground and writhe in pain, all with an ugly grin on his face.
The pain is unbearable; I feel as though my skin has been covered in acid, my head feels like it may combust at any second...
Death begins to laugh.
Hes getting off on this, I know it. *******.
"Now, now, Dani, don't blame me. You're the one who wanted this, you're the one who tied the noose, not me. I saved you, now you owe me."
With those last words I give in, I had asked for this, I desperately wanted this, I needed this.
With the acceptance comes the release, the final breath, the final end.

I have been saved by an angel named Death.

Im finally free.

Ex-******* addict and traumatized people pleaser
Keep me high and keep me bound
No one knows who i am in secret
And yet my scars are displayed for all to see
Lines off my face years off my life
I don’t care anymore just take me
He’s mine and im his and i could say im happy
In life and death we’ll be intertwined
If soulmates are real i’d swear i can feel our string
I need you fully and completely
Love beyond time and reason
Beyond physical planes
Kiss me like a dream
Like the first time i hated myself
Feel me like Luci
Who’s gone forever
Will we last
You say we will
I don't care anymore just take me
End it at the afterparty