Lonelyness is here to stay
It fallows me around all day
It's like a cloud about my head
Making me wish I was dead
I just want to curl up and cry
Because my friends won't let me die
Even with those friends I am alone
Because in the end they all go home
Then once again lonelyness is my company
It doesn't go easy or have any sympathy
Just breaks your heart and will to live
Weeds out the weak like a sive
It follows me around all day
This lonelyness is here to stay
Lonelyness is the feeling of having a vaccum in my whole body and soul..
I'm all alone .
I have no one.
My heart is breaking little by little.
I'm dieing slowly.
I have no heart anymore.
I'm all alone and no one cares.
I'm going to die alone.
No one loves me anymore.
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
against the wall of solitude
the flight of waiting
inexorably went down
I'm not even worth a no to you
I’m alone in my lonelyness
Why do I feel alone, why must this be
I’ve been this way, since I was twenty three
I went to a strange place, where no one knew me
To live a life, a life of my own fantasy
This got me to a place, a place I want to be
It got what I wanted and that was to feel free
It brought me fun and joy, I needed no sympathy
But deep down inside, I was still very lonely inside.
To many times in life, people try to pacify me
That ****** me off, because that’s no me
I try to lose these feelings of loneliness, thats it's not all about me
I need to learn, that no ones is out to get me
I will now try to do this and I want no sympathy
With this love in my heart, is all that I need
was it the lighntening in your eyes that hit me?
was it the lonelyness in me?
i started dreaming us together
and i've been dreaming ever since
was it the moon that brought us together?
was it written in the stars?
i started thinking us together
and i thought of it ever since
was it the lonelyness inside me?
was the moon just in my head?
i wanted us to be together
and i'll want us ever since
When I used to be alone...
*My heart had a different tone...
When you showed up in my life ..
You made me feel warm...
My heart beats are singing..
I love you...yes...I do.....
You cancelled my sadness...
Got ridoff my lonelyness virus....
Finally tasting the core meaning of kindness
Hearing inside my soul
The sound of Seirenes....
My prayers had been answered
your father is a morbid man puddy. .. . but morbid can be good if you accept it...
..how can it be good?idunnoimnotmakinganysense............ .. .. .well. i guess if youre in the right mood or in the right setting.(i pictured people. a woman mainly. with dark hair. and everyone had glasses of red wine and were laughing in a short hysterical way. and i realize these people arent representations of people ive seen act like this, theyre representations of me. i kno that feeling which makes that laugh. when hearing stories or seeing pictures or videos of people dying suddenly or getting tortured and the abuser maybe dismembering himself or herself after or committing an interesting suicide which we love to hear about and the sickening brutality and pain and fear and cringing you feel is instantly replaced with a swift too swift and sharp laughter. and these stories are real, otherwise its just silliness or boys being boys with their sick imaginations and saying it just for attention or to be funny or weird.. and we all might question ourselves slightly but either Time or Exposure to the Wicked World or most likely the validation of our indecencies with everybody else's because its a whole room laughing lets us feel better about it each time but then more ashamed of our withering virtue until we forget. and something to understand from the remark "but either Time or Exposure to the Wicked World or most likely the validation of our indecencies" ad its there is no difference in this matter between the options 2 and 3 because we are the Wicked World. and all 3 are just things we waste. and if not laughing sharplyand loud and insane maybe some of us are at least being entertained while wailing in a definite cringe or exasperation or i dont kno but it is blended with the jovial air of the room. and people and family members laugh with and comfort and joke with eachother like a pride or a flock or any group of animals showing their young 'here.its ok.its an apple. you can touch it. it wont hurt you. its our food.' but we say "c'mere, the foundation of this world and all its agony will rip you apart, so here, learn how to find joy in it otherwise youll be too effected and will need to be discarded from normal happy people who kno their happiness comes first. because thats how we work as people and as a group. now here, have a drink. we pretend it helps and seek it out against our better judgment because we dont want to exist because weve become nothing in place of the wide range of terrible emotions we should experience when seeing the world for what it is.. ourselves most of all." and i guess that is what i pictured. the average happy people. family people. nice house and aunts and christmas people. and i kno im biased but nothing in this imagery matters. i was supposed to capture just the thoughts which i actually spoke to myself or my dog or whoever but now i have a brick-sized moving picture of my interpretation of happy family americans and other nations and just everybody. but im no different. deep down anyway. deep down i am selfish and scared and come to the conclusion that the world is too complicated to be fixed and were too dumb to fix it reguardless and more so we are filled with souls which shift too often which we must only watch drift away moment to moment leaving us with many things but definitely a healthy amount of selfishness and, well, psychology i guess. we can figure our race and ourselves out as much as is possible and maybe even be right about some things, but knowing what drives us and feeling compelled are unrelated. too constant of a shift are we to be anything describable in correct terms and too unknown is the future to kno wut form our shift could bring us to. ..this is all absolute nonsense. i started rambling world. u gave me a mouth and i started rambling with it. i am definitely equal to a baby human or animal just shrieking into the world because, well just because its alive. so im a baby with no way of managing my existence other than making sounds because there are ears everywhere and peeing where i lay because its inside of me then it comes out because im unaware of my functions and we all send scattered unfinished nonsense to eachother and they send their own version of it back to the human and we manage to make ourselves sick and destroy our home and we're like an ant colony with no coordination.) and then something about laughter is sometimes a coverup for discomfort, so laughing from something morbid is not good. but then again it is still a laugh, and wut is the point system for laughing goodness and thats it the end jesus christ stop. *******. later. txt me wenever. have fun at ur party. i hope the weathers nice up north and not too cold cuz i kno u hate the cold. and im probably a boring **** saying cheezy things trying to act natural and nice and caring but i have my own agenda and am too unnaware to kno that and therefore will never be able to change for the better because i am a stupid human who thinks they have something figured out about every moment of every day but cant really do anything. cant see myself how others see me and cant feel the right way ong enough to accept it and constantly contradicting my conceptual and moral and spiritual universe and will never realize that 99.9 percent of the time my thoughts are of things like rocks and puffy things and shooting myself in the head and im hungry and **** that ***** and... im such a loser. if i dont start acting and living like a straight shooter my only outcome down the road will be lonelyness, heartbreak. regret. shame. and many other bad things where everything i love is either ded or has abandoned me because i am now a man and there is no such thing as abandoning a man but i am alone and want to die and i do. i **** myself and im ded. and there is no heaven and i have no soul and no one knows im ded and the passerbys and police officers and coroners who kno that im ded dont kno my name. so everyone i ever loved who havent loved me for years will die years down the road with families who love them and i will never cross their minds again. and i will deserve it. and i will pray for satan to devour my flesh and feel a demon inhabit my body along with my terror.
I have felt alone since I was a child, but my childhood was filled with smiles. I remember laying in my bed, all these thoughts running through my head. Thoughts that would make a grown man go wild but at the time I was just a child. Surrounded by family and bliss, yet I felt like something was a miss. My mom is the reason for this. Seeing her sit in her wheelchair makes me wanna cry and yet I know all she wants to do is fly. Growing up faster than most made me feel like the out cast like a mother trucking ghost. I feel like my loneliness made me mature faster. However, all I heard was laughter. From kids in my class who didn't understand. Kids in my class that made made me feel dumb but, all I did was bite my tounge. After a while I started to believe that my loniness did achieve making me feel small and wrong, like I was on the wrong end of the tongs. Now I'm 22 and still stuck in this loop.
Behind the mountains the sun hides and is no more. The city glimmers of diamonds lights tonight. You are the city in my heart that shines. Without you it is not alive. Only lonelyness with blackouts in the streets tonight. Glimmering lights and joys no more. I find myself waiting for you by the door. But no one comes here anymore. I know your here somewhere in plain sight. I will not give up for our fate will restore our love again. Bring it back to life as it has before. Im restless without you here. Going to a new home now so far and so near. But not to you! You are my home and thats where i belong. Where are u my love?
Ive given everything up to make everyone happy hoping i would eventually be happy but it seems as though god likes ******* with me. the woman i love moved while i was at work. i dont know if she even loves me like she says she does. i havent wanted anyone else but her. i tried to get her off my mind but i cant. i feel it in my heart that shes my soul mate, my better half, my everything but no matter what i do i just mess everything up and make her hate me more. maybe gods plan for me was eternal damnnation and eternial lonelyness. maybe his plan was for me **** my self. i dont want anyone but her i never truely clicked with anyone but her. hell if i had to sacrifice my own life for her id do it in the bling of an eye or better yet faster than sound or light. i would do anything for her no matter the cost. but god has a sick twisted mind and every time im finally happy it gets ripped away from me. i have just about had enough of this ****** torture i want to just say ***** it and end it once and for all.
Suicide sounds pretty good right now unless **** gets turned around soon.
— The End —