It's been a 100 days
Since I left you that last message

It had to be the end
I could no longer pretend
That I don't feel anything
That you are just a friend

I was too tired and weak
Feelings heavy for my heart so meek
Couldn't reason with it anymore
So just let my heart speak

But I know you don't feel the same
Your empty heart never said my name
My heart was just another of your toys
Baby, you're so good at this hurting game.

The delusions have begun
Random thoughts, day dreams
Every word she spoke
has been etched in my mind,
she commanding her presence
in every thought, every action.
Her voice in my head
Reverberating in my ears
even when she is gone.
Nights have become longer
And the days dizzier.
Nothing interests me, except her thought
She has become the source
of my passion, motivation and creativity.
Its her thought which fuels my actions
I feel so helpless, so captivated
I close my eyes and I see her
Its getting hard with every passing day.
Its like pleasure has disguised itself as pain
If this is love, it is too much for me.
But does she feel the same?
This thought leaves a chill in my bones
Every time she passes by the hallway,
avoiding to look into my eyes.
I know she is the ONE for me.
But this thought appalls me
'Am I the ONE for her'
I wish I am.
I just wish.

From Marlboros, and thinkin horribles,
Each time I think of you is another cigarette gone from my pack.

I start my pack full, I test the weight, loving the feel of a full pack in my hand,
But with every thought, they start to slip through my fingers like sand, and find their way home on my lips, where my tears just fall off and drip.

I started with 20, doing so far so good.
Wait whats that? you called?? there goes my mood.

A thought of you, a image plus two and then Im done with a few.
(17)

I choke on my fears, while I clench my hair
I called you my dear, and now im done with a pair.
(15)

Anxiety is something which I so not lack,
Giving my breath to this dwindling pack.
(13)

You feed my addiction being the flame,
my heart burns black, while it bears your name.
(10)

I sit and ponder on these thoughts I wish to behave,
Two more ignites, to feed the darkness in which I crave.
(8)

My pack is now dwindling low,
As I struggle to maintain a steady air flow.
How else can you sleep, when you've been hit with such a harsh blow.
(6)

I have clipped my wings,
after i have fallen oh so low,
in search of my name in your voice, but it is another mans love in which you sing.
This cigerette is now the only thing that glows.
(3)

(Braxton) I remember from where I came and god its a shame,
I just wish the addiction never screamed your name

Empty. Like my heart, the hollow pack crumples in my hands, wishing to be filled.
But the self destructive cycle repeats again, and again. .
And I begin my pack full, yet again testing the weight..

I feel there is a connection between us
I hope you feel too
That day when you sat beside me
I couldnt speak a word but neither did you
It felt like a thousand words were spoken in the silence
Else why would that gentle smile on your face come through?
I could feel your gaze on me when I looked away
I hope you felt mine too.

But something holds me back
Something pulls me down
There are many words unspoken
Many songs unsung.

But, dont you worry O dear
There will be a day when I come out of this shell
When there will be no regrets or fear
I will look straight into your eyes
And say the words you want to hear.

There was desolation in the air
Emptiness spreading its wings
Long cold nights and dizzy days
Thoughts rolling in my head,
weighing my neck down,
Breaking my bones one thought at a time.
Dreams had no reflection.
When the 'I' was buried so deep in that maze
of doubts and prejudices
Tried to find answers in the smoke, but in vain.
That was past.
Clouds have cleared now.
The sun is bright.
Thoughts have resurfaced and ideas hover
Ashes have cleared to reveal the fire within.