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 Jul 2021 arthur samuel papa
efni
i'm sorry it took so long
to realize the difference
between seeing you for you
and watching you watch me

13.07.21
i'm trying to learn to see YOU.
not hyperfixate on how you see me...
When I was a child
Wednesday was a half-day
an early closing day
but now
it's a full day
a work your self away day,

I think today
I might or I might not
it all depends on the energy
I think I've got
go to work for half a day
or maybe a full day and work
at half the speed,
I also think that I need
coffee,

she kisses me and says,
there there,
it'll be okay
and I feel better.
Wednesday always was.
A rusty cage conceals me
Deep beneath the waves, of another passing day
The blood inside my veins
Is laced with warmth, that erodes away the pain
The needle scratches vinyl
As the pills provide the music, singing sorrow in my brain

Lost on the lamb
Searching for the touch, from my own callused hands
A wind-up ballerina in her box
Doesn’t spin and twirl like she wants
Damaged dancer
Standing still, inside my antique heart
They have come to ***** the Rooster.
What's trusted might not be understood
what's understood might not be trusted
I was there
it was real
I breathed
and sweated
as each moment
did its power peel--

my ground
I stood
I didn't yield
despite the wounding
in calm acceptance
myself I managed
to heal--

life is lived
much in suffering
despair I would not-
my equanimity
nothing nor anyone
could ever steal
By the time I was 23
Mom and Dad were
both dead.
I know it sounds
strange, but I felt
like an orphan;
like Oliver Twist.
Real love has
eluded me ever since.
like the goldfish in
the tank
at the Chinese restaurant,
when I reach in and
try to grab one.
Growing up, I thought
my parents would live
forever; of course that's
absurd, but even back then
I was a dreamer.
I treaded so lightly
so as not to break
the eggshells
that I broke
myself instead
 Jul 2021 arthur samuel papa
efni
i was a bit happy until you came
and i really tried not to cry

1-word replies and clear disinterest
the longest text was goodbye

but i'm being much too dramatic
it only made me want to die

and spend the next couple hours
racking my brain as to why

so now i'm just shaking my head
and i'm flailing my arms

you'd think all this routine crying
would be some sort of alarm

but an alarm is simply no match
for stubborn covering of ears

keep chanting "it's fine. it's okay"
as i wipe away these tears

saying, "it's fine. it's okay," to my silly little fears.

14.07.21
be a good girlfriend and get over it...
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