She never did learn to love.

*Only how to run.

Two decades in and already swamped with memories
And only the desire to make new ones.
Walking to class or coming home
People ask me what I want to do,
What do I want to do with the rest of my life?

I can feel my throat constrict and my heart skid,
Don’t they understand how much of a commitment that is?
The rest of my life.

And what if it’s not something I want to do, but something I want to be?

I’m 20 years old and don’t ever have my head in this atmosphere,
So how can I ever hope to decide the rest of my life?

I want to write with the raindrops that kiss the grass
Or sleep on the waves of the ocean
And hold the stars in my hands.
I want to climb the highest tree or the highest mountain
Just so I can jump and call it flying.
I want to read the faces of others
And put them into stories.
But mostly I want to run,
Not literally,
But running still.
I want to catch time as it passes by
And go to all the places in the pictures
Enjoying adventure upon adventure
Until the end of my days,
Surrounded by the select few that I love.

I want to be nothing short of me,
And who I am isn’t a constant that can be applied to a formula,
It’s constantly changing, growing, fighting, loving.
How dare you ask me to define what I want to be,
When it’s plain that I don’t even know who I am?

I’m 20 years old and what I want to do for the rest of my life
Is nothing sort of a mystery, an adventure,
Like a storyline leading to an epic plot twist,
But it’s wrapped in uncertainty
And the only way to find out where it’s going
Is to keep reading the book.

I'm about to get to twenty
About to say goodbye being a teeny
Oh the good life
And let's not forget the good years.

I was thirteen at first,
I was in love with him --
One I thought my first and hoped to be last
But for all I care now, I'm glad I've known him.

I was fourteen,
I ventured into something
That one thing I've been dreaming since child years
I had to let it go, glad I've some cheers.

I was fifteen,
I met another love, he ran in my mind
Yeah, he had a marathon right there
For a couple of years and I'm glad he did.

I was sixteen,
I was still in love with him while entering into
Somewhere that slowly reshaped my way of thinking
There had been stones along the way, I'm glad for 'em.

I was seventeen,
I thought I could make my youth last
But I was beginning to think I'm on a brink of something
I was about to be a lady, I was happy, yes I'm glad for it.

I was eighteen,
Oh and finally I could say I could decide for myself
Hey, I thought I would be happy to go
But I am happy with my parents, I'm glad I have them.

I was nineteen,
I let him go, he broke my heart but
Somebody came, broken too, much more than I
I'm happy, I'm waiting, I'm glad for him.

Tomorrow I'll turn into another year older
Hey, I don't want this to be written for somebody else
This if for me, this time I'll write for me
And for everything and for all I care, I love how my life turned out right now.


~~ Criss ∞

Tick-tock-tick-tock
I'm slipping out of you
You're slipping out me
Love, we're slipping out and into somewhere new
Grab a hold of me, of us, of everything in between
Let's slip away, away into each other's again.


~~ Criss ∞