when i say i love you
i mean thank you
thank you for loving me
even knowing my past
thank you for treating me
like i never knew i deserved
and thank you for being with me
for i know it's not easy

Happy anniversary.

Can you believe
That it’s been a year?
I can still feel the first time,
Your hands danced on mine,
A soft presence, almost shy.
I could barely pay attention
To the film playing on television
Because there, right beside me,
A story was already unfolding,
One that was far more fascinating
Than any other mystery.

And it was.
Here we are, a year later,
The story continues to be
The most gruelling mystery
Of two people ceasing to be,
Of you & I never becoming we,
Instead, a strange, foreign word
To each other’s vocabulary.
I thought we both saw ourselves
In this picture perfect future:
Lying together on crumpled sheets,
Watching Sherlock on repeat,
Reading poetry and drinking coffee,
A state of being indescribably
Happy.

We were never meant to be that.
Only a manuscript tossed in the trash.
We loved too little, and bled too much,
Too proud to break the silence.
Too scared to end the sentence.
So let’s scrap the ending,
And go back to the beginning:

Happy anniversary.

You know,
You're never really gonna know
Just how brave you are,
You turn back
And see how far you've come
And yet you still doubt your worthiness

You've allowed people to hurt you for too long,
You walked around, boundary-less
Searching for a warm place to call your own

You stand out from any crowd,
Your heart pours out love,
You are joy embodied,
All the naysayers try to pull you down,
But don't let them!
They just can't bare to believe a person could actually be happy and purposeful in this world

You've been through some ****,
And yet you decided to not be an *******,
You decided to spread love instead
Give yourself a break for once,
You're doing great.

scrolling through my feed
when a picture makes me
stop
zoom
stare
yep, i was right
she just posted a picture
with her body splayed across
THE picnic table
the very picnic table
where the first person i loved
ended
everything

i waited
for the anger
or sadness
to drown me
like it has before

but it didn't.

i felt okay
that art could be made
in a place where i sat
and uncontrollably sobbed

it felt nice
that there was beauty
to be found
at a picnic table
where i once only saw
heartache

and i wish you could see
that there is hope
in this hopelessness

and someday
when you aren't expecting it
you will see a glimmer
so grab on tightly

because you do matter
even if it feels like
the world would be better
without you

i've been there.

in a place so dark
i thought i'd never see the light again
wishing for something to take me away
from a world that didn't care
or understand

in a world of insomnia
and weightloss
because sleeping and eating
felt complicated too

so it's okay
to not be okay

but i just want to remind you
that you are brave and you are strong
and you are ******* alive.