cruelly,love
walk the autumn long;
the last flower in whose hair,
they lips are cold with songs

for which is
first to wither,to pass?
shallowness of sunlight
falls,and cruelly,
across the grass
Comes the
moon

love,walk the
autumn
love,for the last
flower in the hair withers;
thy hair is acold with
dreams,
love thou art frail

—walk the longness of autumn
smile dustily to the people,
for winter
who crookedly care.

Real love is in the hazy curve of the earth lined in cities and streetlights
In men and monsters alike
In mountains and valleys real love finds you and forces its way into your lungs pushes out through your fingers and onto the page from your pen
Real love is in the depth of the action of feeling itself
Not in some petty lust or the need to be touched
The quiet yet resounding sentiment that if you don't find "the one"
Then you will be blindsided forever by the harsh hands of a thousand one night stands
You will be left empty in the kitchen sink
This I see and hear in the bodies all around me
And I've been ****** over as well as the next kid
Wide eyed and innocent young thing force fed brine and ****
I was in love with everyone and every thing that ever came near me
Blinded into submission in the ignorance of my youth
And I was taught that love was the feeling you felt when someone took you home or took you in
That love was an idea long lost in fairy tales and **** posts from your drunken ex at three am
And I got good at being let down time and time again by empty words or hushed sentiments spoken too hastely on the hardwood floor
I got good at learning to document a fleeting thought or moment just to try to keep some light in me so I didn't drown in the endless sea of my nights alone
And yeah the bottom of an empty bathtub became a second home but I have discovered that real love is as near as the grass under my feet
The cracks in the street the ice in my drink
There is a freedom and a weight in the weight of it all
so the feeling that they try to destroy when we're small finds a way
Through the pigment in our eyes to the countless times we are let down or let others down
The earth resounds that real love
Is in everything
And that you
Are apart of it all
And one day it's all gonna break

For a second I remembered your scent
And I retreated inwards once more.
You don't simply leave you linger.

in the city
they're so afraid of people ending their lives
they child lock all the windows

or maybe they just
don't want to clean up the mess.

Black nights and the sound of you through my bedroom wall
Sing about her so you can see past your own skin
Flaws and fault lines captivate and horrify so you pick apart what you can
Young man trying to balance civilization with the old magic you once felt in your heaven that soon after became my hell
But don't cry for them
In time we all change
In time we all rearrange our feelings and heartbreaks
We all figure out all role models fall
But it broke you
And down you fell into a sea of your own discontent
The winter of 2014
Quiet brilliance never one to avoid a fight
You kick and you scream where you should lie back
And I loved you for it
Millennial abomination that you are
Spit your voice and chase her off your chest
Drink away the excess feeling and burn the rest
Don't you know that what the fire leaves untouched isn't your load to carry
Leave her along the side of the road for someone else to burry and pick up your megaphone and preach your gospel of self reliance on the streets
Born of Walt Whitman you speak of dependancy like a curse
But I know you need the stage to breathe I know you weak shouldered boy better than you know yourself at times
Though I only know you through the wall of your bedroom
I've watched you fight demons and cowards alike
Watched you been bruised and forgotten for years
Disciple of your innocence you were ignorant to the faults of your fellow youths
Pinned them up like prize fighters on your walls
Don't you know I watched it all
And one by one they fell
Unfaithful, thankless wretches and they took the life from you while you washed their feet
And you swore off dependency and trust for years on years and let it all go
And now it comes out soft and sweet through my bedroom wall
Let down and hanging around you sing for every ******* that forced their way in to your chest
It's a wonder you survived the rest
But here we sit after all.

Life is such a mess.

Isn't it funny how I feel less than feminine
When I'm stalking your tweets in the early am
Inadequacy runs rampant in the chasm of my tender mind
I brush you off again, then tell them all I'm fine

It's been a sorry six years of on and off dependency
I'm trying to understand why relationships get the best of me
I sleep in my clothes and hide the rings around my eyes
Meet you for coffee wait for another part of me to die

I know I run my mouth but
I'm trying to escape the inside of my head
I may not be the hero but
At least I say what needs to be said

It's gospel isn't it? Your quiet complacency
Out sick in the bathroom but still you seem to laugh at me
Your imperial intent and millennial mind
Only seem to distance you from being anywhere close to 'fine'

You sold out your soul to a bipolar lover you
Swore off your friends and told yourself you'd never need another
You broke my heart there in your damp summer clothes
You said it wasn't personal but i know that I know that I know that

I'm not supposed to suppose anymore
That you might feel better if you just shut that door
You can give him your world but you can't keep me in yours  
So I won't come around if you knock on my door anymore

The summer you met were the coldest months I've known
Ice in your eyes winters breath filled your home
The mess that we made still hangs round my head
Thorny black crown of the words I never said

But now here we sit in a 4x4 bathroom stall
Tell me it's fine that morning will fix it all
Tears in your eyes your hands in your lap
But it won't get better if you keep running back

But I'm not supposed to suppose anymore
So you'll keep on going back to his door
You can give him your world but you can't keep me in yours
So I won't answer when you come to my door