i cannot breathe when you are near
the breath catching in my lungs
becoming a ball of nerves and insecurity

i hope you’ll notice
and tell me its okay
to breathe

Without warning
Your words pierce my heart
Like a knife

Sharp
Unforgiving
Cold

Right through my back
Between my ribs
Into the muscle that keeps me alive

Quick
Discreet
Fatal

I am gone before I even know it
Suddenly ceasing to exist
All because of

You
And
Your
Words

I am here
all alone
always present
never belonging

I am a figment
here in the shadows
listening
never speaking

i am a waste of air
just sitting here
existing
never actually living

i am nobody
breathing and eating here
all alone
but never being acknowledged

i am hurting
but no one can see
i lay here empty
never being loved

i am waiting
for someone to do something
i wait here forever
never being wanted

i am here
suffering silently
broken
never to be noticed

here.

you kiss me
you tell me you love me
but it is nothing but a lie
nothing but false words
escaping from your lungs
as you tell me things i want to hear
it was nothing but an illusion
our relationship was just a fabricated perfection
a dark figure hid in the shadows
disrupting the “perfection”
with wrenching doubt and confusion and intrusive thoughts
i thought that was the lie
but apparently, i was wrong
apparently, you were the lie
you always were
right from the start
i just couldn't see it

I know I shouldn’t
But i miss you like the sun misses the moon.

I can’t help
But miss you like a rain filled sky misses the sun.

No matter how much I try
I still miss you like a desert misses the rain.

I wish I could stop
But I keep missing you like the darkness misses the light

I see your picture
And miss you like the night sky misses the stars

I miss you like the cold of winter misses the heat.
I miss you like the blind misses sight.
Like the lame misses walking.
Like a wound misses healing.
Like an alcoholic misses liquor.
Like an addict misses the high.

Without you
I feel like a warrior without their armour
Like the world without people.
I am the world and you are the people.
Without you, I am nothing.

Yet you are a parasite to me,
slowly chipping away at my core,
unaware of the destruction in your wake.

And I just can’t stop missing you.

It is black tar running through my veins in place of blood
It is maggots digesting my dead, decaying skin
It is nightmarish thoughts eating away at my soul
It is a dark killer hunting me in the dark
It is a lion tearing at my skin and devouring its prey
It is a black hole annihilating everything in its path
It is a storm leaving only a desolate landscape in its wake
It is a cancer in my brain, consuming me
It is the destruction of everything good in my life
It is jealousy

when the lights go out
the dark parts of my thoughts come out

a weapon to fight them i am without
they attack me with force, i am filled up with doubt

a silent cry for help i shout
but nothing becomes of it, they will always surmount