Standing on a mountain
looking around
at other mountains
is not growing

Growing is climbing down,
looking around,
and choosing another mountain to climb

and while they say
that life is a journey,
Exploration without knowing
what direction to walk
feels a lot like being lost

Maturity
Vulnerability
Intent
Community

These things I thought I'd mastered

I was skimming the surface of a lake,
talking about things
I had reasoned were inside

Throwing myself into the water
changed my understanding of it

Maturity means more than growing older
Vulnerability means more than speaking my truth
Intent is never finished or checked off a list
Community is a two way street

Experience is not always expertise
Confidence is not always complementary

A year has shown me
that life really is a journey
and I know which direction
I want to walk

Our connection has always been
missed in a different way
than any website is intended for.
The universe endlessly thwarts
any possibility of our being plural.
I long and I hope.
I pine for more
than noncommittal communication
borne of lust and exhaustion.
Shared sentiments
that can withstand
the reason of daylight.
Ours is a road too often travelled
to places I am growing weary of regretting.
It is littered with potholes and oil slicks
remnants of emergency flares.
Reminders of the misfortune incurred.
I’m finding a new route.
It will be packed dirt dappled with sun,
seething with the hum
of nature and the thrill
of imminent adventure.
Fresh and new.
Free of shame.