before i go,
i would like to express my dearest gratitude
for all you never did for me.  
thank you for tearing my walls
all the way down to the ground
because after that,
the only direction i had to go was up.
i have been doing so much better these days
you have no idea how many times i've been told,
"you look so much better,"
"you look like yourself again,"
or my favorite,
"you're looking better than ever."
i wish i could say i did it all on my own.
But truth be told,
all those harsh words,
petty actions,
and looks of jealously that
i have received from you all,
have been to blame for my recent success.  
so please,
keep it up.
i promise it only makes me stronger.

in hindsight,
i'm grateful for all the wasted tears and exasperating times.
you taught me that i deserve better
then fake love and disrespectful webs of lies.  
it wasn't until i untangled myself
that i could see how vicious you always have been;
sitting around waiting for another victim
for you to sink your fangs into.
if i could warn them, i would.
only,
i know the only way for them to learn,
is the hard way.  
like me, they will foolishly become addicted
to the honey that drips from your lips.  
they will melt under the gentle touch of your hands.
they will believe they are special to you.  
if i could save them, i would.
only time can show them who you really are.

the bags under my eyes are almost as oversized as the t-shirts i've been living in.  upon waking, my choices consist of shakily making it through the day on cup after cup of coffee or putting myself through the misery of consciously keeping my eyelids pried open.  nights are filled with blankly staring at up at the ceiling and anxiety thoughts.
forgetting to eat has never been so easy, my waistline is shrinking daily.  they say to take it one day at a time, but each new day is more back-breaking than the last.

Terrors keep you up at night.
The bags you carry under your eyes tell it all. That, and the somewhat frantic,
“Hey are you up? I just need to talk,”
2am texts.
It’s okay though,
The terrors keep me up, too.
Nothing feels worse than the sudden
JOLT that has you sitting up in seconds.
Followed by a pounding heart,
And a delirious mind,
Working to distinguish where you are
And what’s actually real.
I know the feeling,
Of being too afraid to close heavy lids
Out of pure fear of your own mind.
Thats why i promise to
try my best to keep you warm
and safe when the dark settles in.
If you let me,
I’ll even stay long enough
for the sun to rise again.
Maybe if we fall asleep together,
we won’t have as many nightmares.
And if we do,  
at least we’ll have
each other.

If I’ve learned anything,
It’s that blue eyes lie.
Maybe green eyes don’t.

You see, my dear, you have turned my world into a real-life romance movie.  That night you grabbed my hand and twirled me around under a star filled sky, you danced away with my heart.  You've taken me on countless adventures and shown me what the definition of Happy looks like.  Even on nights we spit fire back and forth, I don't dream of being with anyone else.  In fact, I think I'd stay even with your hands around my neck.