I'm tired of overthinking
I'm tired of feeling lost
I'm tired of not feeling good enough
Of emptiness and loss

I'm tired of feeling purposeless
"So smart" but no direction
Thinking suffering has meaning
But doubt is my infection

I dream of knowing what I'm meant to be
What I can contribute to this earth
What job will fill me day by day
As I try to own my worth

I think about those suffering
Unable to get aid
I think of all the sadness out there
In mud many people wade

I want to have a positive contribution
Bring joy to others I see
I want others to know they're not alone
Like others did for me

My DNA is prone to sadness
Anxiety's in there too
But I've learned some ways to cope with them
It's okay for me to feel blue

I worked so hard
for what?
It truly seems silly now
Sacrificing my health for amazing grades
Wasn't worth it, I can vow

Turn my wounds into wisdom
Is what I want to do
I have to hold onto embers of hope
Know my intentions are true

It's important to just try things
Let go of past goals,
We're constantly changing and growing
On our quest to feel more whole

With tests there's right and wrong

I loved getting the right answer

But the real world doesn't work that way
Usually no clear answers.

But I still find myself searching
High and low
for the perfect life circumstance
that will make my heart glow

That will leave me content
Restore my joyful self
Instill feelings of hope
Fill my soul with wealth

But it's a faulty search tactic.

Life is never perfect
It can't fully be controlled
Has its ups and downs
As we continue to get old

For a perfectionist like me
This is hard to accept
If I work a bit harder
I'll never be inept

But this means perpetual dissatisfaction.
Only seeing the bad
The world's falling apart
and everyone's mad

I wish I didn't struggle with my mental health
Or think about this so much
I wish I didn't deeply care
About the world's struggles and such

I must believe I can find joy
Contentment and purpose too
To appreciate things for what they are
Hope and positivity to imbue

I don't know who I am.

This may sound strange,
but it's how I feel
many 20 somethings
know this feeling is real

"This is normal"
"You're not alone"
But this lack of identity
Makes me feel thrown

For years I was the "smart one"
Strove for the highest grades
Lost that identity for a bit
Momentarily lived in the shade

I reclaimed that feeling in first year
Academically, feeling strong
But wanting to excel was challenging
Anxiety and depression tagged along

I excelled for four years to leave options
Working myself to the bone
Hoping my hard work would mean something
My path forward would be shown

But now I'm left with burn out.

It leaves me at a crossroads
Not sure which path to take
Not confident in myself
Or the changes I hope to make

Building a live worth living
Is more challenging than you make think
When you're used to craving excellence
Anything less feels like an empty link

I have to find a way forward
To make sense of all that is
Accept that life isn't always fun
But know that doesn't mean my life is done.

I want to be an optimist
In a world that's sad and cruel
Find where I truly belong
Hope will be my tool.

Work hard.
More degrees, more success
No time for rest,
do your best.

Always anxious about school.

...

But don't you love to learn?
I guess that's true
but instead of feeling engaged
I'm feeling more blue
No longer is it about
broadening your mind
now it's about
the endless grade grind.

You're only worth something if your grades are great
Keep working hard, leisure can wait
Do your masters, be grateful for education
Wait.

Who's to say I want more education?
Who's to say that more wealth equals more happiness?

We've become a generation
bred for success
be grateful for your opportunities
when your parents had less.
Denying university?
How ungrateful can you be?
I've worked so hard for you
You're supposed to impress me.

We've forgotten.
Nobody wants to starve, or miss paying rent
But happiness is not cultivated
By more dollars spent
We spend our lives at work
Chasing more and more
Family and friends
are turned into a chore.

If this is the price of success, count me out.
I crave connection and belonging
I need others without a doubt.
Let's turn off the technology,
and reflect on our paths
Unless we start connecting
Discontentment will unleash its wrath

When you destroy yourself,
you destroy me.

I know it shouldn't work that way
But how can it not, as day after day
You work yourself to death.

What are your hobbies?
What brings you joy?
Nothing?

I'm tired of your melancholic mood
How you never prioritize food
Work for 80 hours per week
As anger and rage you continue to leak

How do you not see this?
"I need to provide"
For a family you are killing
On the inside
we've tried
oh yes, we've tried
to explain this all to you
but denial and tears is what comes
and now I'm totally through.

You can't fill from an empty cup.
But on you, I've given up.

I worry about you all the time.
I don't want to see you die.

Nagging, yelling, crying.

I can't let this destroy me.
I need to move forward in another direction.
And find who I am without this infection
of never tolerating less than perfection
as I face this life intersection
help.
I don't want to live this way.
I need to know that I'm truly okay.
To honour myself as I would a friend.
Know that imperfection doesn't mean the end.

Why can't you support me?

But your support, I don't need.
I'm an adult with my own two feet.
I'll stay strong and continue my fight
Keeping you out of sight.

Thanks for the invalidation.

In the midst of anxiety
You make me feel calm
When I'm with you
Nothing feels wrong

Your smile, your care
Brightens my day
Makes me feel like I'm more okay

You see my struggles
My overthinking mind
But accept and support
You're one of a kind

With you
My world is brighter
And makes more sense
I'm able to strive
but feel less intense
You see the good in me
When my brain is a bit blind
And help me to grow
and try to unwind

I'm grateful for you
And everything you are
In my darkened, black sky
You're the scintillating star

A few weeks ago, I had less thoughts,
But now they’ve come back and they can’t seem to stop

I feel massive and huge
I’ve let myself go
How can I live like this
I’m puffy like dough

I want to control what I eat.

But I’m at the mercy of what my parents make
And the awkwardness that surrounds my plate
I can’t talk about how this is driving me insane
I know I’m crazy, these thoughts are inane

But I don’t know what to do.

I just want to be fit, like what I see in the mirror
Not hate every inch of fat on my rear
I want to be lean.

But what if I can’t have this
That might be true
Too much restriction
Metabolism won’t come through
Messed up my body
Messed up my life
On a path to a body,
I’m filled with strife

I don’t believe this will cease to haunt me
Incompatible with my nature
Incompatible with me
I want to achieve
And be the best I can be
I obsess over my shape
And my unknown weight
I’d rather be destroyed
Than discover I’ve gained

Truly, there is no cure.
Intense psychotherapy
Is the only hope there
But my thoughts aren’t distorted,
It’s our culture, I swear
My struggles are normal
Reflective of today
In these thoughts I may drown
In our culture I am prey