you're all it took
you're all it takes
to make me feel alive.
but now i find that you're not here,
so why the hell am i.

The emptiness of my chest
The coldness of your breath
The briskness of your touch
The shortness of this death
You've taken everything
My thoughts and hopes and dreams
Youve locked them in your vault
And thrown away the keys
You've sent me out alone
To sail this endless sea
You've left me here to float
But the water captured me
I'm sinking to the bottom
Helpless and confused
You told me that you loved me
You said I was your muse
I'm nothing to you now
I see right through your lies
The kind words that you told me
Were simply your disguise
I fell into your trap
Your web of lies and games
There's no escaping now
I'm caught and there I'll stay
But even though im drowning
I somehow start to breathe
Ensconced in angry water
But my rib cage somehow heaves
And even though I'm stuck
In this mess that you have made
I am just barely breathing
Alive but so betrayed

The sun rose this morning
And so did I
Its golden glow cast on my face
...
And with it came
The hopes and dreams
I was dumb enough to make
...
This day was when
I trusted you
But that was a mistake
...
The sun sank tonight
And so did I
Now shadows take light's place
...

red
A healthy, whole, beating heart
orange
Fading and breaking with each word
yellow
Staggered pumps, uneven bloodflow
green
Sick; of hate, or fake love rather
blue
Depressed, lonely, ignored
indigo
Blood barely crawling through my veins
violet**
Cold, dark, lifeless, gone

This isn't right
Its not meant to be
Im waiting for you
To finally see
These cards I'm playing
Don't work at all
I don't have any
More to draw
I don't want this part
In your life show
It isn't my scene
The plot doesn't flow
The pieces don't fit
In this puzzle we're making
I'm giving up now
I can no longer fake it.

I'm a house of cards you built
One blow from caving in
I'm a single scrap of paper
One rip to tear my skin

I'm a fragile piece of glass
One slip and I am shattered
I'm a jar that's filled with paint
One drop and I am splattered

It's your decision it's your choice
Will you preserve my fragile heart?
It's your decision it's your choice
Or will you tear my hope apart?
It's your decision it's your choice
What will you choose, you have a voice

Although I can be strong
I'm not when I'm in your arms
One blink and you'll be gone
Don't know how I'll go on
Without you

How will I know
If my heart's made of glass
Until you go
And break it

I'm reaching
Trying hopelessly
To make this work.

If only you
Could take the time
To try to help me.

I'm tumbling
Crumbling
But you'll never notice.

I'm aching
Breaking
And it only lifts you higher.

How on earth
Could I have thought
You loved me back?

I'm a fool
For loving you
But the truth is...

I
    Still
         Do

I am merely the dirt you walk on
You pay no notice
Not even a single thought
Each step you take
I just sink further

Can't think.
My brain is pacing back and forth inside my skull.
Can't talk.
My mouth lacks the words my brain can't conjure.
Can't sleep.
My thoughts blow through my mind like a storm.
Can't believe
I let you create this disaster.

You trampled over my heart
And I didn't leave behind a single footprint on yours.
You tore apart the puzzle I was building
And used the pieces to build your own.
You might be fine, just letting me go like this,
But I want you to know,
I'm
       Not
              Okay.
You left me believing you loved me,
Left me tiptoeing across a thin tarp,
Well now I've fallen through.
Don't you see?
You made me believe in our false love,
Which I just now realize was a lie.
I didn't see,
That this was your plan all along.
You never loved me.
But I thought you did.
And
        I'm
               Not
                       Okay.

You lied
But I believed you.
The pain
Was undiscovered.
But now
The pain is eating me alive.

The truth
Has disappeared now.
Your words
Have torn me apart.
And sanity
I hardly recognize.

It's stupid
How I barely even knew you
Yet I trusted you with my heart.
I so carelessly left it
Lying in your open palms.
So vulnerable.
So helpless.
Susceptible to the heartbreak
I knew you would cause.
So weak and powerless
Against you.
But...
     Somehow...
          I never wanted to take it back.

She plays all day
Galloping across the sun
Enjoying its golden beams
And its warm embrace
And when the sun must rest
She leaps across the stars
And lays upon the moon
Gazing at the black abyss
Where stars look like glitter
Sprinkled across the sky
Shimmering and twinkling
What a beautiful sight
Then the moon's glow fades
And the stars disappear
She is taken back into reality
And real life takes its place
Where her dream once belonged

*riley papile

each day brings a new form of emptiness.
a sunrise that mimics the flame in your eyes
and the moon that reminds me how quickly they moved on.
now each day im traveling through the motions of life
but never fully living.
cause without you im not dead, but ill never be alive.
you see,
living is not the same as being alive.
because to truly be alive i would need you.
and sure they said youd come and go,
and now they say move on.
but how can i move on
when id rather be dead than to love someone else?

i guess sometimes people just leave us
like how life can slip from the most desperate of grasps.
and most times, we can't tell the difference.
because the one who makes us feel so alive
is the one who holds the gun.

Each tear that escapes from my eyes
Adds to my collection.
One day,
Maybe I'll have enough to sail away.
Away from the pain and sadness.
And the loneliness which caused those tear-filled nights.

the strength inside me disappeared
cause it took all of me
to pretend that i stopped loving you
cause you stopped loving me.

I can't believe
I trusted you
For all this time
I never knew
You played me
Like a little fool
Then crushed me
With your words so cruel

This time I won't
Make the mistake
Of giving you
My heart to break
I'll give it to
Somebody new
For love, I've found
Is overdue

Its funny, really
How you became the gun
Pointed at my head
The mosquito
Nagging at my skin
The knife
That threatened to tear me apart.
You became the ghost
That followed me
But you were never actually there,
Were you?
Just a figment of my imagination
All along.
Driving me insane
With every thought
I wasted on you

dark.**
so dark you wouldn't see your hand if you put it in front of your face.
and you most definitely wouldn't see what lies beyond it.
shadows and stars,
goosebumps and scars.

i dont remember the last time i slept with the light off.

I'm trying.
But do you even notice?
I'm dying.
But would you even care?
I'm lost.
But you won't ever find me.
I'm breaking.
And I long for your repair.

I'm fading.
Did you ever even see me?
I'm screaming.
But I know you'll never hear.
I'm falling.                
Are you ever gonna catch me?  
I'm gone.                                
But you never saw me there.

believe me when i say
that id throw my life away
to just be by your side again
until my dying day
cause without you im not me
and im never gonna be
til youre holding me so tight again
that you are all i see.

Sometimes
I think of our love
As a cloud.

Our cloud can be painted across the sky
In gentle wisps.
Warm bright sunlight shining through.

Our cloud can be bold and bright
Like the pale blue sky that
Surrounds them.

Our cloud can be a blanket
Which allows no sunshine in
Yet I still feel warm and safe.

Our cloud can be cold
Dark
Angry
Filling with rain; rage.
Filling and filling
Until it can't hold anymore.
Then...

A furious storm bursts from our cloud
And rain pours from the livid sky
Then sudden bolts of lightning
Are followed by roaring thunder

...The last raindrop falls...

The skies slowly clear
And our cloud
Starts its journey
                                   *again

My finger in my mouth
Nail between my teeth.
It may seem gross to you
But its sanity to me.
A nibble calms my nerves.
A bite distracts my brain.
Keeps me focused elsewhere
So my thoughts don't go insane.

You cloud my brain
And its starting to storm.
Blowing through my mind
And replacing my thoughts
With rain.

And I wonder
If I ever drizzle across your mind
If I ever cause a breeze
Or even
         A single
                   Drop
                             Of rain
                                        At all
But I know
Your mind is full of sun
No cloud in sight.
While mine is dark
No sunshine seen
Through this blanket of clouds.

Cause when you love someone
Who doesn't love you...
                                          Well...
        ­                    The sky
             Is forever
    Gray
☁

I love you
The way your eyes meet mine.
Their vibrant blue
With patches of green.
They remind me of the earth.
And sometimes
I think that if you look at me
You will give me the world
In one simple glance.

I hate you
The way your eyes meet mine.
The way you look at me.
It is not sincere.
Not loving like it should be.
How can I know
If you will give me the world.
Or turn around
And give it to someone else.

I thought you were different
But you blend right in
I thought you cared enough
To let me in
But here I stand corrected
Why can't I win?
Now I'm stuck here dreaming
Of what might've been.

I guess I got what I wanted.
I spun your head around
just far enough for you to look my way.
But is it too much to ask,
for you to look my way
and to like what you see?

i should have known that when you didn't say "i love you too," you probably never would.

When it seems we've lost the spark that sets our love ablaze i know that through this haze ill find the strength to still come back to you.

When there's nothing that i seem to do but think of you though all it does is tear me into two ill still come back to you.

And even though my heart is trembling trying to keep still i will come back to you

each and every time.

Your words burn like fire
They scrape at my skin
How could I desire
What couldn't have been
Tears sting my eyes
I squint til they close
I force them to dry
And I sniffle my nose
I pretend I'm alright
I pretend I don't care
I pretend you don't show up
In every nightmare
My smile is fake
It's so you don't see
I'm easy to break,
You can shatter me.
I wear this disguise
And I try to be strong
But one look in your eyes
And that's where things go wrong.
Your eyes were once loving,
Loving towards me.
But now I'm discovering
Thats what used to be.

you are the most beautiful flower i have ever seen. the sweet scent of you is one that stays on my mind throughout countless hours and days alike. your vibrant petals of the brightest scarlet captivate my gaze and i cannot look away. in my palms i only feel the softness of your petals and neglect the sharpness of your thorns. blind to the negative, always. always.  
silly me.
everybody knows that the seasons come and go. and by winter all the flowers wilt and nothing's left behind but emptiness where they once grew. autumn took you from me and i did not notice until winter came along with the brisk reality that all roses wilt. and that even the most beautiful of roses
has its thorns.

my body sits here in today
my brain is stuck on yesterday
chasing what i threw away
across this endless field

i tell myself i can move on
but pain is where my heart belongs
staggered words and broken songs
never to be healed

You.
You are killing me slowly.
Slowly.
You turn my hope into pain.
Pain.
Fills the empty space where my heart
once belonged.
Belonged*.
I thought I did with *you.

These poems that you write
Their words exaggerate.
They notice every detail
They all collaborate.
They turn a fine reality
To this stirring nightmare.
The thoughts in your head
They become your puppeteer.
It's your own fault, Riley.
Why, darling can't you see?
You chose to play this game.
Can't back down and cannot flee.
You caused this endless mess
You chose to start this race.
Your words; your competition
And they're picking up the pace.
Leaping, running, crawling
You're shrinking with each step.
These words are your creation
But they're beating you instead.
They suffocate your hope
They drown your self belief
They choke your happiness
And they won't give you relief
Its as if this fine reality
Has taken a new shape
Has snatched you from your life
Now you're trapped with no escape.
You havent noticed until now
But your world of hopes and dreams,
Good thoughts and happy humming;
You are tearing at the seams.
Your words; your competition
This race is almost won.
Your words; your competition
Now the competition's done.