I sit upon a stupid stool
And watch the hours flock by
I wonder if, now, I was you
Is this the tick to talk by

Would you be running wild and free
With lovers in your pocket
Now here I am alone with me
A thought, the thought ill chalk it

I see you on the recent post
In Bali- now LA
I'm wondering how can I seem
Enough to look okay

You dance about the wild screen
It seems it took one take
But maybe here In my melancholy
I failed to see what's fake.

Climing the ocean stairs
Flipping through neon pages of
"I don't care"
My copious apathy makes me scared
But really, I probably feel this way
Because my mentality is stuck in: "life's not fair" mode
I can't  seem to reset my brain
It likes to fight, sleep and dream away
My dreams are so vivid and so real
It feels better to live out my adventures
In my dreams

I'm Holden Caulfield
I'm a brat
I think everyone's a phony
But I know I'm just a hypocrite,
Because I'm a phony too in a way
I just see all these people
So locked into a system of capitalism,
Locked into vanity and materialism and self centered-ness
I think they're stupid and dumb
They complain about what goes on in the world
But they're a apart of the problem
I am too, but I least I don't have this whole song and dance to try to woo people
Seriously, at this point I'm just going to be my eccentric self
And not care about people's opinions
Because I know I'm not perfect,
But at the end of the day,
I'm not self absorbed, and I'm out there being kind and doing little deeds of kindness
I put kindness first,
But even with me, kindness doesn't always win

I told someone at work that I'm going to
Live off the grid because
I'm tired of society
And he said "but you won't have anyone to talk to"
And I said "I'll talk to the trees and animals"
Like some sort of Snow White
I wish I could tolerate people better,
But I have this strong inclination to
Slap the phoniness out of people,
And it's becoming more difficult to restrain
Day by day
Ignorance truly is bliss
Because being able to see so clearly
That each person is the source of their misery has got me going crazy!
Because even I can't snap my fingers
And be be released of all my negative patterns!
They're like chains, or
A maze I'm stuck in, that I have to keep repeating over and over again.

Energy. I tend to feed off of people's energy. Ups n downs and ins n outs, no matter the feel. But feeling yours i knew i needed more of whatever it was, before even knowing what kind of freckled- face mess i was getting myself into.
The feeling beats me, you looked into me, not looking but seeing into me even before i could put my rambling circles of thoughts into words. You wanted to know everything that went on in my scattered brain, and i opened up to you and showed you more sides to me than ive ever shown anyone. You wanted me to dump my brain onto a page and now i only try so you can further understand me because i want you to know and see and feel it all. For a beautiful ******* soul to want to get to know mine, its scary and i want it more than ever. It brings the slightest hope that by knowing more you'll only want to continue to draw deeper into me and end my fear of only having a whirlwind of a time with someone. I hate endings and i know nothing but. But you opened my mind and by helping turn my thoughts into words, as the words come out it brings a clarity of the things ive always felt, only now turning into a reality of a statement. As you speak it comes to life. Your life is full of adventure and going with the flow and writing and reading and i only want to read everything your eyes have seen to share one more view with you. Your views are golden and pure and its different and beautiful so i wonder cause i don't know why you get high all the time. What are you trying to get away from? What feeling are you trying to numb? Can i feel that feel and have it become real, knowing it'd turn surreal? Your rhymes are dimes and you know so much you don't need to fall into the trap of paying for an education that should be free for the free spirits like you. But then i want you to fall because i can only imagine all that you could do. Because you pull me back into the moments of time, here and now and the way you frantically hit the keys of that keyboard because your ideas flow out of you like the ocean your soul is really made of, because you don't have a phone and i want nothing more than to pick mine up and call you just to know your current thoughts. Was there more than simply liking the color purple to trade shirts? To have a piece of me? Because now i have a piece of you and i never let anyone but i let you see me. Even when i didnt you did. But my lines are jagged and yours are squiggly and I want you to know everything that goes on in my mind so that maybe you'll want to find out for yourself and it scares me. Because ive never watched a show someone's told me to watch before and I only like the sound of that song when it's early in the morning playing in your room. You told me to open my mind and spill it onto paper but sometimes words just aren't enough.
Dishes never seemed more appealing

What'd you do today?
Can i get a mere glimpse into the life i wish i was apart of, only to be one step closer to understanding your world that you think is full of stress and is anything but care-free as you think me?
Where've you been today?
Who'd you give the gift of your presence, what memories did you make without me? Did you laugh more than normal, was it peaceful? Did you have to look away to avoid eye contact with her when your feelings welled up from inside of you, as they always do, and come out on that face showing nothing but adornment? Did you see deeper into someone else or watch the sunset with a fairy with those cherry eyes of yours? Again?
How was your day today?
Did you make Tunica feel ugly? For once those questions are not my own and as i try to imagine your face as you wrote it a smile comes across mine.

But what do you do when the voices in your head
won't
ever
cease?
I'm brought to my knees by the idea that the same feeling that brought you to the moon also takes you to dark, dark places.
There are faces we see every day and in very few moments life gives us a glimpse of the face of their hearts and their intentions.
And did i mention that mystery and enchantment can't last forever?
If those creatures don't come out to play, refrain. Don't go knocking on their doors because one day the door will open and it will be empty.

I fell in love with myself through you
Thank you for being the mirror I so blindly refused to look in
-s