there are days when i thought that i had lost the only good thing in my life
flew a thousand miles away and did everything i could to get it back
little did i know,
years later,
i have found something far more valuable
i've found myself

you have no idea.

no idea of what i feel about you. of how much i care about you. of how much i think you're amazing. of how often i'm thinking about our future together. of how much you mean to me. of how much happiness you have brought into my life. of how much you make me happy and sad at the same time.

you have no idea.

no idea of how much you make me feel so alive. of the butterfly riot that takes place in my stomach when you talk to me. or when you sing a song for me. or even when you hold my hand. when you hug me. when you kiss me gently. of how much you make me scared and worried most of the times.

you have no idea.

no idea of how much you take me ups and downs. of how many lies you've said. of how much you hurt me sometimes. of how much i want to slap your face, and kiss you after that because i knew you're hurt. of how much i don't want to see you because i'm too ******. of how much i will hate you after we fought, but missing you immediately after that. of how much i want you to be my last.

you literally have no idea.

no idea of how much i want you to change, but i realized if i ask you to do so, you won't be the person i'm falling in love with from the very beginning.

you just have no idea about all that...

people always say that it really hurts at night
when the world is quiet and the loudest thunder that come striking your head is your only thought
which apparently screaming into your pillow at 3 AM is the romantic equivalent of having your heart broken

but sometimes it is also 9 in the morning
when you are standing beside the kitchen table waiting for the toast to pop up
and the smell of two espresso shots in your favorite cup makes you miss them so much until you don’t know what to do with your hands

i was a long drive
and a short trip
in your so-called way home
where you ended up leaving
because you hated being behind the wheel

you were once the ocean waves
and the forest depths
to my less lonely universe

you were also once the moon
and the sun, all in one
who did wonder in keeping me around your orbit

but little did you know
years later,
i'm no longer a speck among the stars
i am my own ******* galaxy

it’s 3 AM in the morning and my thoughts are wandering to the day when i finally meet the one that I’m going to marry

it will be Tuesday
i bet that i'll wake up 27 minutes late 'cause i spend the night before going out with my girls
i'll have too much gin and even drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend on my way home
the next morning, my head probably hurts like hell
i'll forget to put my highlighter on 'cause it's nowhere to be found
clock's ticking, i'll grab my favorite elephant heels and drive past the street
i'll stop by at my favorite coffee shop and you'll be arriving exactly 5 seconds before that
you'll open the door and hold it up for me,
i won't forget to say thank you
we'll order the same coffee and share a quick smile at the cashier
you'll smell like a sweet sunset
i'll notice your brown eyes, not knowing that i'll be looking at them everyday for the rest of my life
you'll share a bad joke to me, it is bad i must admit
but we'll laugh anyway and secretly hoping to see each other again the next day

and we will be
and the day after that
and everyday for the next two months

we will fall in love, easily
and i'll be grateful for waking up 27 minutes late that Tuesday morning

but it was crawling back to me
the words you have once said, the worst and painful ones
i came around to think that something is wrong
that has this stupid longing and some strange desire to talk to you is just wrong
that i should not have missing you - at all
then i stopped,
i did not feel it anymore