Your words
"I never want to hurt you"
sting terribly

I am not he
Though I long
for unity
We
are puzzle pieces
bent
yet not crippled
Beyond healing
Are the pieces
irreparable
damaged until
they no longer
believe they fit
Take my hand
Of support
Let me listen
Learn to stay
For I am laughter, I am love
I yearn to let you in
Love overwhelmes
unhealthy callous reasonings
Love can ease the ache
Warm the frozen
Heal the broken parts
what is needed
Is we

What if I sabotaged everything?
What if my children don't get the life I want for them?
What if the fire doesn't just burn down my space?
What if it spreads & only leaves ashes?
What if war breaks out
& the louder we yell the less comes out?
What if all we have is chaos and nothing else
Quiet minds are no where to be found
this anxiety isn't just in me,
It's flowing through all humanity

Nothing gained nothing lost
Guess it wasn't what I thought
Should I be surprised at all?
Truth is I'm just not
Not shocked
Shock value seems to be all you got
Enough with the whole facade
I'm done with the have nots
Spinning by
Like after thoughts
Wishing you knew what I got

Underneath
I suppose I was vibrant
Confident
Useful &
Unused yet
Before the war
Before the destruction
I was beautiful
Loveable
Underneath the rubble
I was something
To be admired
Inspirational
Underneath it all

Listen
Can you hear the peace?
It's calling me

When I think of love
I think
There is no such thing

What would life be like
If there were no deadlines
No rush, no hurry
No waiting in line
No jammed up traffic
Or chaotic lunch hours
No frustrated looks
Everyone is smiling
Waving to say "hello!"
On their way to somewhere
They want to be

Imagine if you will
It begins with
A coral & blue sun rise

Slowly you stretch
Close behind
Is a warm cozy cuddle
Holding a hot cup of tea
A delicious home made breakfast with loved ones

Mid morning is spent
in your garden
Hands cultivating rich soil
Flowers greet your senses
Beauty catching your eye
from every angle
Satisfaction is all you feel
Knowing everything you need
Is there in your fruit trees
The ones you planted
In the garden beds
The ground provides everything
Without cost

It is mid day
A soak sounds nice
As long as you like
Hey, why not go for a hike?
To waterfalls
Or a river bed
Or climb a mountain side
Do whatever you want
Leave the country!
There are no boundaries

You won't grow old
Because you have eternity
Age does not exist
Unless we count the years
And there are no more tears
Because sin has disappeared

There's a million things to do
You're happy and healthy
You have day and night
There's joy in every thing
& no exhaustion in sight
What if
Everything I said
Is possible
What would you give up today?
What if there was only
One way
But that way
Is sometimes uncomfortable
Would that make you
Want to do what it takes?
Would that make you
Try to learn what might
Seem implausible?

I don't know how
I'm lost in thoughts of you

I suppose I am not so broken
it is impossible for me to keep it
together

I could use gold to piece my heart together in a mosaic fashion

Then I can proudly display my masterpiece

I am still golden
I still have a heart of gold

Only
a much more delicate
Far more valuable
work of art

I'm less than half a century
there's so much this world tells me I should be

I don't know
how that could be
I did what I ought
I stood and I fought
I ignored what I knew
they thought of me

Now my bones are weary
my muscles have
no get up and go
they feel they have
nowhere to be

I try to see the hope in view
I focus on that narrow
slice of light I knew
I stood with
my feet in concrete

Now I am tired of standing
I am no longer what I can be
This existence wasn't happy
Since the only version of
Love I knew,
never lasted for me

honey catches more bees than vinegar ever will
Hahaha who the heck wants to catch something that stings?
No I'll keep my honey, honey,
I'll feed it to the mama bears  they know what it's like to be stung

You and you and you
Pointing at me
Take a look at the three
Staring you back in your face
How could you know
the sound of my heartache?

Go ahead, shift the blame
Don't you understand?
I can only be what I am

I'm not exactly who you see
I'll never be what you want me to be
I'm not trying to please
Not anymore

Your tightrope broke
I fell but I didn't choke
After you left me high and dry
Your revenge is a joke
I never wanted to see you broke
lonely or unhappy....
Funny thing is
you wanted all of that for me

So go ahead, shift the blame
Don't you understand?
I can only be what I am

I told you I
believe
it's just
way too late.

You came back
telling me
It's okay to
take breaks...

How can we
build anything
on avoidance
and mistakes?

My mistakes
Your mistakes
Our foundation
has breaks,
It's broken

When did
you ever admit?
Apologize
to me, for dismissing
my feelings?
For making me feel
like nothing?

Why should I
act like it's okay?
We cannot become
One
With so much space

I love the pitter patter it makes
on the spanish tiles
of my roof top.
It splish splashes
on my window panes.
The Earth is thirsty
after the summer
the sun was unforgiving
for so long
I watch the fields soak up
What they've been needing
It felt like ages
we went without.
Now the rain falls
and the Earth is quenched
It sprouts again
The fresh smell feels the air
And I sip my coffee
under my cozy covered porch
as I listen in peace and I smile.

Let him go play with her heart
Loosen your grip on his
He won't give
This tension is relentless
You're far too precious
don't shrink yourself
Into believing you're less
You're not a fraction of the best
He doesn't know how to love
Your head will stay a mess
Charisma isn't enough
Chemistry will pass
Being in bed isn't all you need
To make it last

A listener who cares
A love whose there,
More than pillow talk
more than lifeless stares
Someone who'll hold you
Through your tears
He picks you up and lights your fears
The journey is together
Connected so deep
when you speak
Commited to eachother
I help you, you help me
Make it last forever
This is something you keep

You called
I did not hesitate
We started with
a cracked slate

Neither of us wanted
To end it
Neither of us knew
where we were headed

Confusing as it was
I stumbled
out of love
You tried to get me to wait
Without any effort
on your plate

I said we need to communicate
I wanted forever
You told me friends is better
I told you it's just too late

Go ahead
tear me open just to sew me shut again.
All I ask, is that each time please
take some more stuffing with you.

Love to me is not a whisper
It shouts from the rooftops
No
Love is not a secret
You place in your pocket
Love connects
Interacts
yearns for & craves
Love is always thinking
Of ways
For laughter to overturn
The frown
For respect to take the cake!
For oneness to accept
Forgive & forget...
Love
Conquers and saves

Wandering mind
Wondering what's gone wrong with me
And try not to try
Swayed in the wind
Swayed by desire
Can't reach the moon up above
And I don't dare touch the fire
'Cause the trouble with wanting is I want you
The trouble with wanting is I want you
The trouble with wanting is I want you
And I want you all my life
Always on my mind
You're miles and miles away
But somehow you're close
If I can't have my cake
And eat it too
I guess the sound of your voice on my machine
Will just have to do
'Cause the trouble with wanting is I want you
The trouble with wanting is I want you
The trouble with wanting is I want you
And I want you all the time
And if you never come back
If you never call
I say I'll understand....

I remember when
you said
"we can just be friends"
I wouldn't let it
Because just friends
wasn't why we started
Now where am I
Time flew by
it was a rollercoaster ride
I tried and cried
now I understand why

What is real?
I can't see it but I can feel
Is it lust? Is it fire?
Is it only appealing to my desire?
Is wrong is it right?
Should I put up a fight?
I once read it was either
A test of my faith,
will I stand firm
Or teeter
Will it destroy my heart
Rip it out and tear it apart?
Like the myans of old
Sacrificing all I own
Theives, they steal
Take & only reveal
lust for power
not a tower
Of refuge
They are hills
Crumbling and stumbling
With nothing but feels
no foundation
No peace of mind
empty philosophy
is all you find
Realistically
The answer is deeper
It is not hidden or confusing
It is something to live for
Stronger and taller
Than the highest height
emptying thrones
bringing the truth to light
More powerful
than your mind
a treasure of gold
is what you'll find

Tonight I felt lost
Deep in thoughts
The angry world trying to start up a storm with innocence
Why do they love to
Cause uproars
Meddle and pick and pry
Love is not that easy
Love does not happen overnight
Love is tucked away
In a safer place
Sheilded from wicked ways
ruthless minds
Who play with truth
& shout out lies

Is golden
So they say
Stay quiet
Or give yourself away
They say
Obey
Don't ask
Or give yourself away
Silence is a killer
It lets the bad guys
get away
Wolves will come to the field
If the sheep begin to play
Silence is a killer
for the chilren
locked away
For the wives who want
relief
But are scared of what to say
Silence is like eggshells
Lying on the floor
You do not know where to step
when careful
won't calm the mental roar
Silence is the worst
No fear
Or overwhelm
Or anxiety or pandemics
Or is it just a scared society....
that puts you
in the ground

Tonight wasn't the 1st time it's ever happened to me.
I've always felt that I could change the past, break cycles and break through ceilings.
Thought by now people would feel the same as me.
It seems that some are just too angry.

It's sad to stay as small as your own race.
I thought we had finally made it to where these things didn't take place.

I guess ugly stays, you put yourself in their shoes & repeat the same old school mistakes.
Take the upper hand like it makes you cool, like it makes you better, but it only makes you the same.

I must apologize
my heart lept from my chest again
I could not reach out
to stop it
words flew from my lips
without telling my brain
they were leaving

one more time
triggers provoke my wild thoughts
before I could close my eyes
in peace

I apologize for my eyes
they stay open, even in the night
I can see in the dark
you hate that

one more time
I apologize
tattered as I mourn
I broke my own heart
believing in you