You show up
asking for an
explanation.
I don't have one.

You ask why I'm
so cold hearted
but what do you
want?

Do you want me
to bend over
and pour my
heart all over your
shoes as I
beg for your
forgiveness.

I don't want your
forgiveness.
I don't need your
forgiveness.

Like how you
didn't need me
when you
cheated
4 months
ago.

Tell me how I'm lovely
how I'm your one and only.

Lie to me
and pretend we'll always be.

Hold my hand
and watch us dissolve like sand.

Love me fully
or become my bully.

Either is fine as long as you and I are together
and sure we may fade like leather
but I will love you as long as I can before any of that happens.

My body is so small
so emotion comes
one at a time.

Anger is always first,
how I know what to say
to make someone
surrender the fight.

Sadness is always second,
my heart breaks when
others cry at my
hateful words so
I apologize.

Betrayal is always near the end,
you can't believe my apology
since people's emotions
don't move that fast.

Numbness is always the last one,
it remains most of the time
as I feel my friends and close ones
slipping away
like water slips through
my fingers.
It's the emotion that stays
and continues to come back
after I'm mentally exhausted
from having my world go from
nothing to three emotions in
a couple minutes.

Anger seeps through my veins
like blood seeps through a rag.

Hatred is in the front of my mind
like front row tickets to a concert.

Betrayal is evident
like the way Van Gogh used paints
to make certain features evident.

I loved you,
or I tried anyways.
Everything I had was put
into you.
But I hit a breaking point,
you can't control me.
I can control me.
You are stone,
and I am marble.
You are flimsy,
while I am sturdy.

I'm sorry that I hurt you,
but I don't love you
anymore.
I don't want you to think
I love you when
I no longer do.

He called me beautiful
when I wore no
makeup and wore
raggedy clothes.

He told me to never
change even though
he made me change,
just not for him.

He admired me
after I had an
anxiety attack
in the
stadium bathrooms
and stuttered while
my cheeks were
tear stained.

He told me he
would fall
in love with me
if I gave him
the chance.

I ran away
because he wanted
to be my source of
happiness
since I was his.

I ran away
because he wasn't
as accepting about
my internal struggles
like I thought
he would be.

I ran away because
dating him or anyone
has never been something
I could do.
My abilities to love are
small and delicate.
If I told him that
I loved him
he would run away,
so I ran first.

I ran and never looked back.

He left
I cried

He called me drunk
so I let him
talk.

He rambled on about how
he still
loved me.

I told him
he was drunk and
to leave me alone.

No more contact for
months until
he appeared at my
door
with all my things
and a bitter goodbye.