Ah! changed and cold, how changed and very cold!
  With stiffened smiling lips and cold calm eyes:
  Changed, yet the same; much knowing, little wise;
This was the promise of the days of old!
Grown hard and stubborn in the ancient mould,
  Grown rigid in the sham of lifelong lies:
  We hoped for better things as years would rise,
But it is over as a tale once told.
All fallen the blossom that no fruitage bore,
  All lost the present and the future time,
All lost, all lost, the lapse that went before:
So lost till death shut-to the opened door,
  So lost from chime to everlasting chime,
So cold and lost forever evermore.

There it was again, that feeling of having been skipped out on by someone I trust. Trusted, past tense. When had this begun, this sense of having a rug pulled out from under my feet? I drifted backwards in the pool of memories and landed in my one-and-a-half-year-old self, watching her as she made assumptions based on her limited experiences up to then, heard her thinking, felt her feeling angry. So angry. And ashamed, because she was angry with her mother, and that was a betrayal of her mother, wasn't it? So betrayal worked both ways in her. She was the betrayed, and the betrayer. I pop out of that memory fast, then shudder.

I can feel a misty fog descending my mountain of a brain. I feel myself start to shut down, go catatonic. I sense that someone is calling me to them, but am lost in the fog of fear. I can't move, my whole being is away. Somewhere else. Gone. I'm left in this shell which has no brain, has no heart, has no meaning. Do I go up? or down? Do I stay put? Is it safe here? or there? Can I even lift a foot to step?

I can feel myself hyperventilating and feel powerless to stop it. Then a rough hand grabs me and I'm tumbling. I hit and bounce. Hit and bounce. Head over heels. Back flips. Dives. Something tries to get my attention. What IS that? "Spread your wings." What? "Spread your wings." What wings? "Spread your wings."

So. I spread them, and I'm flying instead of tumbling. Or maybe soaring is more like what I'm doing with them. Soaring on a thermal spreadeagle. I feel like a parachute, open and catching air as I descend to a narrow valley. When I land, I keep my feet.

Wind sifts through the spruce,
Birch,
Oak,
and Maple trees.
I remember the wind that grew like the trees.
Strong but gentle,
humble but confident,
infectious but pure.

It was the wind we created.
Together.

Demons in khaki suits
Stand with baited breath,
Smoked glasses held high,
As God shows us all
What He means by death.
Disintegration
By starlight.
A fire of heaven.
Oh, bow before his might;
Blasted by wings of angels
Back and forth,
Left ablaze in the wrath of the sword,
Until your atoms are shriven
Of their bonds to this earth.

The demons clap and cheer,
Red eyes grinning as they smoke.
We grovel in your glory,
Piteous wails stopped in silence;
Choked.
A spherical void
To turn our tainted air to traces,
And leave a newly cleared path
Of charred stone and empty spaces.
The vacuum fills to receive
Guests with the promise of your blessing;
A half-life prayer,
Good for a thousand years
Of deformed children
And cancer tears.

Can the Sun
Describe the way
The Moon orbits Earth
By just looking at ?







Can I
Describe the way
I love you
By just telling you I do ?

Lost Sight in life
Though I'm not Blind

ConsideRate
Yet I'm not paid in Kind

Now I'm Lost
As I searched to Find

I gave it Heart
Only to lose my Mind.

Sit pretty
Bat your eyes
Don't make a mistake