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V3NUS Jan 17
I cry because I don't want to live
but at least I look pretty doing it
I'm a pretty crier
  Jan 17 V3NUS
Rachit Khurana
what the **** is happening to me? I am losing myself again and this time I cannot even blame anyone because no one is at fault here, it's me and my mind.
Am I depressed? 
Am I mad?
what is this?
How can I figure what is going on with me?
what is this feeling?
I am not missing anyone, I am not talking to anyone, I am doing nothing which can mess with my head, maybe it's the nothing which is making me mad or maybe I was never okay?
Maybe I was just distracted from the reality and was living in delusion?
maybe my mind is still the same? 

I want to figure this out before it's too late or maybe it is too late? what am I even talking about?
I was writing my journal and I was not able to remember what happened today, which is weird and not okay. It's been happening for days now and I cannot figure out what is going on with me.
V3NUS Jan 17
when I got a concussion
I didn't cry
I didn't cry when I broke a window with my bare hand
and had to go to the ER to get stitches
I didn't cry when I fell
and the wire of my braces
went right through my lip

I didn't cry then

so why do the floodgates suddenly open
when I have to talk about my feelings
I don't cry a lot. talking about my feelings is really hard for me, so I just don't.
  Jan 17 V3NUS
Lady Grey
She’s got stars in her eyes
But not the good kind, no,
The kind she hides behind her smile
She laughs and jokes, of course,

But she’s a little off today
I can see it
It’s in the slump of her shoulders
When no one’s looking,

And the way she stares into the distance
When there’s a pause in the conversation

I wish she wouldn’t
I wish she was as happy as she says she is,
When I know she’s not

She’s got the blues today
Her parents don’t help
This morning when she got out of the car
She had to put up that wall

To make everything seem alright
When it’s really not

She’s got stars in her eyes,
But not the good kind, no,
The kind i would take away in an instant if I could
If only I could.
Something I noticed about a friend of mine
V3NUS Jan 13
"he probably did it because he liked you"
no ****
but that's no excuse
he should've just told me
maybe
even though I don't like guys
we could've been friends
but no
he had to take it too far
because he didn't want to take no as an answer
so don't give that *******
he ****** up
and he knows it
the kid who sexually harassed me told his mom I reported him and she tried to defend him
V3NUS Jan 13
"*****"
excuse me?
"*****"
... why?
"I saw you talking to all those other boys, you didn't report them"
Noah, Gus, Josiah, and Carwyn?
"yeah"
they sit at my table, I have to talk to them
I had to talk to you
"that doesn't explain why you don't report them"
that's easy, they havent--and will never do--what you did
"how do you know that?"
Noah knows better, we both know that
Carwyn is scared of me
and my mom knows Gus and Josiah's moms
"why don't you talk to me anymore?"
because you made me uncomfortable
and i'm not taking my chances
"but I won't do it again, I promise"
you had your chance and you blew it
"but... you still talk with Gus and Noah"
they didn't make me uncomfortable
and they were on my side
"but you said you had to talk to them"
right
and I had to talk to you
but you took it too far
STORY TIME!!! in sixth grade I was sexually harassed by a kid in my science class. I told my parents and my parents reported him to the grade's assistant principal (each grade has one at my school). At each table in science there were four people. the one I was sitting at before was me, Gus, Noah, and the kid who harassed me. I was moved to a new table, which was me, a girl, Josiah, and Carwyn. I spoke to Josiah and Carwyn because I had to and continued to talk to Gus and Noah so the kid got jealous and this conversation followed.
  Jan 13 V3NUS
Nobody
if i was icarus
and the wax on my wings melted
i would have apologized to you
for splashing the ocean water on you

if you stabbed me
and i was dying
i would have apologized to you
for getting blood on your shirt

if we fought
and didn't make up
i would have apologized to you
for saying sorry

well,
i'm sorry.
sorry.
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