should I start writing poems about my friends?? I feel like I talk too much about my family

I'm not going to tell all my friends I'm suicidal
and I'm not going to send three texts to every contact I have every day

I don't need to make plans with them
I'm fine with the socialization I get from school

I'm not suicidal because of things at school
my problems stem from home

Dad is almost never home
just because his job makes him have to work far away doesn't mean he can't call

Meena needs to get off my ***
every single tiny ******* thing she feels the need to point out
and not to mention the fat shaming

And just because Lali has ADHD doesn't mean she can be a *****
she can't tell me nobody likes me and I have no friends because she's angry
I'm no psychologist
but I don't think ADHD works like that

And you need to get off my *** when it comes to grades
I made it into the school musical
I have a pretty big role
And band
I might ask for a solo
but you wouldn't care about my intrests would you
no... all it is is school, school, school, and grades with you

and maybe
yeah
most of my friends from my favorite friend group are going through a tough time
but you know what
I get more support there
than I do at home

so no
I'm not lonely
i'm... neglected, I guess

"You wanna tell me what you searched up?"

making characters and stories in my head
and realizing
my favorite ones
are just my issues and flaws
personified

sometimes I really hate your guts
"Is Rosie hanging out with them now?"
"is she one of them"
what the **** does that mean

you're lucky i'm scared of confrontation
otherwise I would have left you in 4th grade
when you ghosted Kai because she dared to have another friend
when you ignored me and Rowan because you got in trouble with your parents and we had the nerve to be there
why did I have to apologize then?
why did I have to be the messager between you and Kai?

"What will I do when you've moved"
I know you say that
but do you really mean it?

Do you talk behind my back just like you talk behind Rosie's?
"Why is Ahalya hanging out with them, is she one of them?"
"Ahalya thinks i'm mad at her"
"She follows me around all the time, she's so annoying"

i'm not even sure I want to be your friend anymore

do you know why
when parents give their kids social advice
the kids always find it hard
to follow

it's because parents are thinking
"how would an adult react"
and not
"how would a kid react"

I don't know
maybe it's because
no matter how light or dark
it's still the same color