Right now all I want to do is hold on to you tight. Hold you by your waist as I hug you from behind. I want to be near you, with you right now. Listen to your heavy yet steady breathing. Kiss your cheek and whisper nothing but honest words.
I want to feel your heart,your soul, feel your deepest and darkest fears, secrets and take them all in. Let them find shelter in my heart.
I want to be able to know all your flaws, to embrace them and love them as much as I love the flawless side of you.
I want to feel you.
To taste you, and I don't mean this in a ****** manner. No none of that, I want to taste your past, swim in the deepest and darkest ends of your mind. Swim in the lightest and best memories in your heart.
I want to take you in, memorize and fall completely and irrevocably more with the girl you are.

I want to watch myself grow with you. Wait I want to experience all aspects of growing with you. The pain, the suffering, the laughs, the happiness, everything. As long as its with you.

My hands are itching. They itch to write something to express this heart of mine.
My heart is crying to protect you.
To put a smile on your face.
To wipe your tears away and hold on to you tight.

My soul craves your soul, it craves to be in the same area, same place, same spot. It wants to feel what you're feeling. To take all your pain away but it knows.
There's so much it wants to do that it cannot.
But it will be here for you, I will scratch that I am here for you. Good or bad. My heart, soul and mind will go to the end for you. I love you.
I love you I love you I love you.
And I'll do anything for you, from the simplest to the most complex.
I am yours and I am here for mines

"What's the worst feeling you've ever experienced", she stared at her.

The girl cracks a smile and pulls back her caramel black hair, "My name is Kay by the way. It's not short for anything"

The girl blushes and puts her head down, "I'm sorry my manners seem to have disappeared. It's just that I've always wanted to have a serious intimate conversation with a stranger", she sighs.

Kay ***** her head and bites her lower lip. Looking at the beautiful girl with grey eyes. "Don't tell me your name then. Let's have that talk. I'll call you grey", Kay smiles exposing her pearly whites.
"I don't know what the worst feeling I've ever experienced could be really. I mean can we really compare each experience with the other?" Kay stares at the blue black sky.
"Each experience is traumatizing so can we really compare every traumatizing one with the other? Like they were all traumatizing but different from each they can't be compared", she closes her eyes as she allows the Sun rays to warm her face.

The girl looks at Kay admiring her carefree persona. She had some sort of atmosphere. It made the girl want to know her more, make her laugh and protect her? She furrowed her eyebrows and began to study her.
Kay had thin yet slightly full pink lips, she had a scar similar to Harry Potter which made her smile. She had an English nose and slightly pointy yet round ears. Kay opened her eyes and smirked. The girl lost her breath as she noticed Kay's honey eyes and began to clear her throat, "I uh I think unrequited love has to hurt the most", she bows her head.

Kay furrows her eyebrows in confusion, "How so?"

The girl scratches the back of her head, "We fall for someone and we love them with every bit of ourselves. In that process we lose ourselves by loving them but we gain parts of them from their love. However when the feeling can't be returned. We lose ourselves to someone who can't bear to lose themselves to us because they don't see us in that way. And it hurts because you know it yet you can't stop" she sighs.

"You can't stop loving that person. Loving them for all their wrongs and all their rights. For them simply being who they are. And sometimes you watch that very same person fall in love with someone else. And that part stings the most", she bows her head and clenches her fists.

"You wonder why not me. Why not fall in love with me", her voice breaks.

Kay looks at the girl with grey eyes intently and sighs. "You're really beautiful Grey", she immediately locks eyes with her and gives her a tight smile. "The truth about unrequited love is that there's always a third party you never know about. There's always that one person who watches you fall in love with someone that's not them. And to top it all off. The person you're in love with won't reciprocate your feelings. And it hurts. Watching the one you love, love someone else who isn't able to love them back. Talk about double unrequited love", she laughs.

"But then again there's this theory about unrequited love", her smile widens.
The girl with grey eyes furrows her eyebrows and scrunches her nose, "There is?". Kay giggles, causing goosebumps to show on Grey.
"No love is lost Grey", Kay stands up. Dusts her skin tight ripped black jeans.
"It's not unrequited forever", she gives Grey one last smile, exposing her pearly whites and dimples.

"Insecurities are the worst demons to live with", she stands at the podium.
"Can anyone tell me what insecurities are?", she stares in front, looking at the ten students who were presumed to be messed up by the school board.

A boy with a blue hoodie raises his hand.
"Insecurities are our fears of our fears coming true, it's the absence of feeling safe or secure. Which leads to an emotional turmoil of trying to fix them. To ignore them but ultimately they end up taking us", he speaks confidently as his head is bowed.

"Have you had your fair share of insecurities? ", the girl walks up to him and crouches. She notices the exhaustion in his demeanour, the pain, hidden secrets. And death in his green eyes.
He stares at her brown eyes, filled with sincerity and concern along with a dose of hope. She finally found them.

"Haven't we all?", a girl with grey blonde hair speaks up.
Heads turn and look into her direction.
She plays with the hem of her shirt,
"We started off carefree. Young and willing to explore, we meet people who change our lives who make worthwhile but then others. I don't know about them but they take parts of us and play with them, they toy around with them and then drop us. Like old unwanted toys. We begin to wonder, question our hearts, search our minds trying to figure out where we went wrong and that hurts. We then build unnecessary yet necessary theories as they begin to make sense.  That's when they lurk in. That's how we get them", her voice shakes

The boy with the hoodie sighs, "And to think that's only the first part of them", he looks at the lady and croaks his head, "Studies show that we can get rid of these insecurities but I don't know. I've tried all these measures all the ways of getting rid of them but they don't ever leave. They stay, they don't even lurk in. Shucks depression is nicer than being insecure. Depression leaves for a while. But this", he shakes his head and massages his temples.

The lady walks up to the podium and sighs, "Being insecure is a painful thing to experience because with insecurities comes more demons willing to take advantages of you, willing to destroy you trust me I know"

A girl with glasses begins to laugh, "Everyone here knows that Miss, we're all insecure, this could be in terms of our grades, our love lives, our family, our lifestyle, our sexuality, we are all insecure. But the question here is how do we get rid of them? How do we feel normal? How do we get rid of this insane feeling, the hostility we feel from our own selves. How!?" She pushes her glasses.

The lady sighs once again, staring at the girl. She closes her eyes, "I don't know. I believe there's no way out with insecurities. They manifest inside us, they evolve and they become stronger. All I do is face them head first. I stopped thinking and accepted them. I am insecure and I am learning to accept that I am not perfect"

"Do you think that's the answer Miss", the boy with a red bandana scratched his head.
"Acceptance?" His voice heavy with a British accent.

"You said you learned to accept your imperfections and here you are now. Talking to us about our issues. Does this mean you're no longer insecure?" He furrowed his eyebrows.
"Does this mean there's hope for us?" He smiled exposing his pearly whites.

The lady sighed, pondering on how to answer that.
" I don't think that's what she meant", the boy with the hoodie speaks up.
"What she means is that once we learn to accept them like she did. We can learn to move on. To live with them. And truth is they won't hurt us as much as they do now. I mean we know we're not perfect and its okay. It's about acceptance and appreciation of our scars"

Sometimes I just read my work.
I read, analyse and get flashbacks.
From the pain, to the confusion to the love and back to the pain.
The nightmares to my greatest dream and back again to my nightmares.

My work reminds me of how hard my life has been. How painful it has been.
I read my work not all of it but the ones I can handle I read.
I see a child in me then, searching for freedom within my heart.
Searching for some parts of me that I lost.
But then I read a piece further than that. The piece where I gave up on searching for the lost part of me because by then I would have evolved.
Turned into someone stronger who still carries the heavy weight of my past.

Sometimes I read a piece, the ones I'm not supposed to touch and I collapse, my body relapses.
Goes in a neutral stance of holding my legs close to my chest, rocking myself back and forth and asking for the memories to disappear.

But sometimes they don't and I end up appreciating that. I write more about it. Put on a smile and move on. I can't always be down.

And on most days I write about her, my smile, my freedom. The one girl who has picked me up from the darkness and is still picking me up. I'm picking her up as  well. It's like we're saving each other. I write about her and write and write and write and write till my hearts content.

Sometimes I read my work and realise there are people who read it too and I am grateful.