lightning
silent warnings
some don't notice
others see but remain quiet
then there are those who speak up
but just don't understand the
seriousness of the damage
I am a lot like lightning

a.a.

We laid there
In silence
I could feel your pain
I could feel your hurt
You called it numb
You were lying
I held you
I watched you
I could see your heartbeat on your neck
It was slow
Mine was fast
I knew what was coming
I knew you couldn't say it
So I asked you
"Is this what you need?"
"What?" You replied
You knew
I knew
We both knew
"I know this is what you want but it is what you need?"
You were honest
You need to take care of yourself
So do I
I understand
It still hurts
But I understand
I got a lump in my throat
My chest got tight
"I don't want to hurt you"
Your sweet words struck right through me
"I'm not mad"
"I get it"
I knew you couldn't say it
That's why I asked
I walk you out
And it's freezing
But I needed that hug
That hug meant so much
You make me go inside because I'm shivering
I don't think it's from the cold
I look back
"Can I kiss you?"
You let me
You drive home
"Hey I'm home"
I'm glad yourself
I'm not
I'm not safe from myself
Everything is blurry
I never expected this
I never expected it to hurt like this

Who knew someone could break your heart in 13 days?

At least I'll win the bet...
I don't wanna win
I want you

a.a.

You can't retract words you've already spoke
Instead, you should take responsibility of what has been said
But if the responsibility is too burdensome
I guess an apology wouldn't harm

I lost it all a year ago:
not a lover, but
a friend,
one after another,
in domino effect.

And as this year
takes its final
curtain call,
I’ve been left
(almost nearly)
on my own
to greet
the year of
2017

As the loneliness creeps in

Someday I'll learn how to fly.
I'll leave this place and all of my fears behind.
My soul will heal and my smile won't look as forced.
I will journey down an adventure few experience and many envy.
I will sit in silence without thoughts over powering me.
I'll forget everything I've been through, all the pain I've endured.
Someday I'll be everything I've dreamed of.

The atlas to my life debunked
The ships upon my sea have sunk
Settled lives content to be
Yet alone I wander in search of me

What glories past the horizon lay
What compromises forced to make
Within this scope of birth and rest
Proceeding with a cautious step

If only that the wind would blow
And usher me where I need to go
Plagued by doubt and scattered song
If only with me I could belong

I am that forgotten voice on the edge of the earth,
Residing where the sun meets the sea.
I am the beginning and the end.

I push and pull you like the tide.
I drag you under like the current.
I drown you.

Intoxicated
Superficial
Delirium

Taste the tonic on my lips.
Quench that desert thirst.
Let me relieve you of your sailor's burden,
For I am a siren in the sea of false promises.