And for some reason, I can't make myself prioritize.
So I wind up reading web sites during the time I should be writing, writing while I should be sleeping,
and sleeping while I should be in class.
And making the "smart" list.
And continuing on the same dreaded path I've been on since middle school, when I first realized I could get away with this.

I don't want normal
and easy and simple,
I want a painful,
difficult, life changing
devastating, passionate
extraordinary life.

Don't be fooled by my ability to resist,
I might have never gave into the monster,
but I always gave it a dance.

It was something I never expected,
and island has become two,
the waters a nervous calm,
two flags waving proudly one in the same
yet the same become different,
The birds silently wait for the chirps of its old playmate,
waiting for something that doesn't seem to come,
so for now its on to the next,
on to find solace in an unexpected old,
or become one with an imperfect new.

There are two sides to this eternal battle,
the beauty and the brains,
I once thought that I would be happy with the beauty,
but once i grew and became blessed with this gift it felt like something
I hadn't earned but quite like something i received in an unfair game of "whats your number",
I began to feel different then the rest of my crowd,
I began to lust and think and want and see things in a new light,
I had become an outcast
Trapped in a strange paradox known as the in between
somehow I left behind my beauty but still retained it and went in search of the brain,
I have yet to collect all the pieces of this masterpiece,
but in a strange irony I had begun to realize the Eternal Battle isn't a Battle between people and people,
but it is a struggle between self and self,
once you come to accept the gift of the struggle the struggle becomes you in a way that only you can decide is true to you.