Drinking poison to thaw the frozen
numbness suffocating the beating hollow
in my chest

sometimes only a few, more often enough to
paralyze my field of view

one liter of cider and three songs of lana del rey
in the dying sunlight the birds feel comfortable
and i
i just want to have fun
for once in my life.

in the starless sea i found my supernova
enveloping me in a warm haze of light
forever and ever and ever and over
happy.

no one understandy me anyway.

© fey (06/08/2020)

she was
carrying the strength of an eagle
a woman with the smile of a goddess.
she was
the embodiment of beauty
a woman with the voice of an angel.

yet— today.
eyes closed, standing alone.
there was something melancholy in her stature
something bittersweet in her smile—
somehow beautiful.

perhaps it was in that moment that I fell.

Eyes closed;
My fingers gently glide across.

These Mountains of records;
Scattered every which way.

Breathe in,
As I browse through every artist...

That has changed the world. ❤️

all of my emotions, all of them – heartbreak, ecstasy, grief, love – just punched me in the gut. and now i am nauseous. nauseous over reading a book, but in a good way, as weird as that may sound.
–––
reading about love is a hard thing to do when you've not experienced it yet. but i'm holding on to optimism; hoping that i don't have a boring rom com sorta love, but one that makes me want to rip my hair out one day, then bask in its splendor the next. gosh i just want it to be real. maybe that's why i feel this way.
because it's real.

Heaven rained on me,
I breathed in the petrichor,
Bathed in the downpour.

after this day he starts to disappear again
where minute by minute
day by day
he goes
back into his spot in the sky
where he lets me bask in his warmth

but he's greedy
not letting me fully encapsulate
the joy and delight he provides
by taking away a minute of his light
each day

hopefully he doesn't hide behind the clouds
on june 23
otherwise this poem is a waste
if one were to even call this a poem