Love

Love

This silly thing we call Love.

This idea of euphoria, that exceeds any drug.

Love

Love

It drives us poets out o' our minds

when we sit down to write, seems it's the topic all the time.

Love

Love

it's a funny little word

no definition could quite fit it, but yet none sound too absurd

Love

Love

some say it keeps them going

It's a **** in the garden, that simply won't stop growing

Love

Love

if it's true it don't stop

even if you won't admit it, there's someone in your thoughts

Love

Love

it's what I feel for you

and darling after all this time, I pray you still do too.

I believe some poetry is best unseen, unheard, and unloved.
Not to say it isn't beautiful, but that it is so beautiful it must remain secret
For fear of tarnishing it.

I have so many poems about a girl with brown eyes,
Who told me she did not know how to love anymore.
But after getting in a relationship with a guy just a day after our break-up
Seems to be loving fine.

Perhaps its better I did not share those poems.

I have come to the conclusion that I am just hard to love.
Mostly because I need to write all my feelings,
Turn sadness into metaphor and anger to simile,
Just to be sure these emotions won't tear me apart.

When she told me she didn't know what love meant,
I wrote her a poem about the ways I wanted to get to know her.
She didn't understand it.
That my poetry was my love,
That if she couldn't see that I wouldn't know what love was either.

Its been over a month since she left me for someone with stronger hands,
But I still have managed to reign in my poetry.  
I do not write about the ways I wanted to know her,
Nor do I let mention of her smile slide into my metaphor.

If I do, it is never seen or heard.
I lock it in the remains of this black heart,
Burn it in the flames of my pride.
I will not let heart break run me.
My love is a beautiful secret.
I will not be tarnished by a broken girl who does not know how to love.

I like your lips pressed against mine.
Hard and desiring.

I like  the taste of your skin on my tongue.
There's to much I want to do.

I'm ****** up from the inside out.
****** and rude.

I like you.
Do you like me too?

Speechless
Trying to let something out, maybe burst out
Probably shout out
Possibly break out
..
But no, not even close to talk it out
Ravaging inside me
Like a vulture ripping the **** out of its prey
..
Scared of flaming it out
What if it went wrong?
Since it always goes wrong..
Attempting so hard to gather my thoughts together
But they're like drizzles sprayed into the air
..
Returned to being insecure, on the inside
On the outside, seeking a queen, precious.
Excessively a judgmental world
Harsh claws, digging into prohibited areas
..
Not good, not good enough
I'll never be good enough
Not only to everyone, but especially to *him.

Dear God,

Why don't you love me?
Everyone tells me you do.
Everyone tells me you will
Everyone tells me you will as long as I'm a good, good girl.
Well I'm not a good girl, and I'm not terribly sorry.
Everyone tells me you love me anyway.
Why do they say it over and over
You never do.
No, you never say "I love you, Tracie."

No, not in my ear
No, not in my holy books
No, not in my heart.
No, no, no.
Not once does it say
John 3:16
"I love you, Tracie."
Not once.

You're supposed to love me.
You're supposed to be my daddy.
I have a daddy, and he's real.
He's here.
He's with me all the time.
He tells me every day
"Tracie, I love you.
You are my cupcake princess."
Daddy says he loves me.
Aren't you supposed to be my daddy too?
Matthew 5:48
Daddy why don't you love me?

Why can't you HEAR me, Daddy?
Can't you hear your aching child?
Can't you hear the cries within me
Of your little one lost in the dark
When the voice of her father has left her
Without compass by which to navigate?
Don't you hear me when I curl up inside
Knocked to the floor on my bed
Holding myself close in my apartment
Screaming in my soul
"Daddy, why won't you protect me from the monsters
From the demons in my head
From the eyes in the dark that come to me at night
When I can't sleep and they tear me apart
Because they're coming from inside of me and
No one else can see them in the dark
Turn on the light!
TURN ON THE LIGHT!
DADDY ARE YOU THERE"

And the darkness answers nay.

One day it won't hurt.
One day I'll stop caring
One day I'll stop hating you
Because I'll have stopped loving you
One day I won't be afraid.
You don't have to love me, I suppose.
If that's what you want.
And one day I won't hate you for it.
You don't have to love me
Just never ask for me to love you either.