There was a time of brute force
Where a poet was the beast
And a woman the evil cry
All made song all pagan glow
Bul Lo the mistress of hate
On a carriage she came
Preaching respect over a river
trully made of blood
With floating dismembered flesh
Carrying a song
Now it is all a desease
What humans feel
Remember what cruelty is
Kind complex mind

hell must be empty
the demons are all here

they live inside of the shell of me
they have been for years

kicking my stomach

tossing my heart

twisting my mind

their silence is deafening
it's worse than my scream

hell can be empty
the demons are all here

they play around in my eyes
and make me believe what i can't see
they trick me into hearing what i want
and make me need what i glimpse

they help me deceive people
hurt people
break my heart while trying to crush others

hell should be empty
the demons are all here

they're darkness and ropes
my blades and my nooses
my tears and my blood
my powder and my pills
my guns and my ammo

hell could be empty
the demons are all here

they help me scare people
to betray them in any way
because they say "no one cares"
and i can't help but believe them

so when i say run away
get away fast
you must do what i want
or your heart won't last
i'll push you away
build concrete walls around me

so the demons can't hurt you




nor



i



can




hell is empty
the devil is right here

11am

today i was sluggish

I ran a 6:45 mile

Beat my mile time

Benched 235

New max on bench

Almost have an eight pack

And somewhat feel unhappy

I've adjusted

My body is a temple

That society and culture busted

Warped by mocking of blemishes and dimples

Six pack well built

I fall in that circle

Mal nourished till I tilt

Collapses when i turn purple

Guided by past achievements

Visions of success

To forget what belief meant

Gain mass the more you digest

Calories, Carbs, and proteins

Vitamins, liquid, and BCAA's

Work hard

Workout harder

Appreciate where you were like other would if they are you

We are all victims turned into the very perpetrator we rejected

Look in the mirror

Change or accept

Fight or conform

Satisfy pleasure or  live in comfort

To be honest

I haven't felt a reason to be happy

I appreciate when times are good

But I'm still not happy

And i refuse to ruin someone's day

Or hid my emptiness behind a smile

And until I find what I am looking for

Tomorrow at 9am

I'll be at the gym

Found myself at a dental clinic...
He was the best there was.
Unorthodox and eccentric,
But to the specialised craft, he was boss.

Ran through the bits and bobs
Like any normally would.
The poking and prodding and the mandible X-rays.
Everything cold and clinical, so was the mood.

Strange was what happened next...
Specialist and I then stood facing each other.
He leaned close and pressed his palms against my rib cage.
Held them there over a few breaths before it was over.

Then a brief chat, small talk initiated by the man.
Bespectacled and exceedingly chatty, small in stature.
Talks of politics and odd human behaviours...
What started off as friendly turned into a heated banter.

I then realised that along with his decorated credentials,
Was his propensity to be condescending and arrogant.
Him being the best, I thought I could let it all slide,
But soon enough I opted out of being a willing participant.

Couldn't stand his abrasive cockiness!
I snapped out of being cordial and passive thought.
I wanted him to just stop talking!
I went, "Well, are you going to fix my teeth or not?!"

He was stunned momentarily...
I suppose he hadn't seen that coming.
Then his features softened to a blank
I could almost read the unspoken words he was conjuring.

With an exasperated sigh of resignation,
He uttered his next words swollen with regret
"There's no need...for you only have four years left."
It dawned upon me that my timer has been set.

*And then I woke up...

They ask me,
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I look around and say,
"Anything but these who call themselves adults."