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 Jul 2014 Rachel Cloud
SirDlova
I had so many options
Sleeping pills in my hand
Evil thoughts in my head
Sangoma's mixed potions
A rope hanging on top of my head
I could have rolled down the stairs
Or took a knife and stabbed it into my chest
But I couldn't.
My mother cried when she gave birth to me
I can't watch her cry at my funeral
I thought of what she always say to me
That "I hate how I raised you,but I love what I raised"
That I should do better for my daughter
And not yet be her ancester.
Accumulated
old letters upon my desk
some are bittersweet.

-M.H.-
You told me
I made you tingle
all the way
down
from your head
to your
pretty little
painted-toes
& with your
beautiful slender back
up against the wall,
we comingled
& you told me
you loved
the way
I fulfilled you.
At least
that's what
you told me
when you screamed.
My hope is leaning
My blood runs cold
Darkness from secrets yet untold
The words stop flowing
As my pen stills
Waiting for silence as it fills
The dripping rubies
Stain many walls
As screams of terror fill the halls
Silence is filling
They want no more
Bind my hands, i shall write no more
 Jun 2014 Rachel Cloud
Ayeshah
I can't do this
continuing
this
charade
as if
we'll go further

than we've been.
I don't have it in me

to play
these heart wrecking
games

Say what you want & say what you must

but
when it comes time

You'll
Thank me.


You'll

see*

I did you a favor
walking out
as
I've done


I've given you

freedom

instead of
moments spent


*cursing
the days you've ever
met me


or

complaining in anguish

for

the rest of your life


You'll thank me
I'm sure
of it


I'm just not

right for you


I'll ruin the fabrics & fibers
in which you so live by


I'll

demolish

the peace that

tranquilizes

your inner mind
&
thoughts;

You'll have nightmare

I swear

&

they'll be all of me

I can't do this

Don't put faith or trust in me

Some day

I promise

without me

You shall be happy

without

my miserable
company


You don't need

someone

* like
me

I'm mean & nasty

down right raunchy

I'm overly
argumentative & so very overbearing

I don't like washing dishes & dislike listening

I wont compromise or consider your feeling

not to heart.


I'll **** up yo world &  rip it all apart.


I can't do this

none of it is going to work

I have no faith & no trust

I can't help you

*because


I don't wish to

I don't like

feeling these weird things
like
when you


look at me
or touch me just right


I feel as if my flesh's on fire

my inside do flips

my mouth waters up
&
my heart beats faster


I get goosebumps & all tongued tied

I feel things that

SCARE

the hell outta me

I have no empathy
least I doubt I do


I've been told
what it is
but
doubt I can feel it


I think & feel

completely
different than you


Enclosed in this darkness

comforts me

You'll never understand

This bleak soothing

presents of loneliness

it's for me

The emptiness

is far better

than

anything good
you'd possible bring


These shattered

glass-like pieces

of my broken heart
helps me


Never to forget

I'm

no good

*
NOT


for you

&

One day

Someday
real soon


You'll Thank Me

**Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
    K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
Balanced*
on the *fence

of common sense
and my **insanity
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