It took me a long time to realize that not everything in life is meant to be a beautiful story. Not every person some deep connection with is meant to make a home within us, is meant to be a forever. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us not only how to love, but how to let go. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us how not to love, how not to settle for less than we deserve, how not to belittle ourselves for the sake of someone else.  Yes sometimes the greatest loves leave, but it’s because they weren’t meant to stay, they came to teach us. And their lessons always stay. That is what matters. That is all that remains.

I am not your first love.
You are not the first person I have looked at with a mouthful of possible forevers.
We have known more heartache than most, loosing hope in love stories
Because we have both known loss like the jagged edges of a dull knife.
We had given up on love.

Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came without forage or fight.
It came when we had given up on asking love to come.
But here we are your hand in mine laughing, under the setting sun.

I will write poems to the pieces of you that you can’t seem to find, like they got stolen or lost along the way to find a home. I will write novels to the scars above your waist. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way that it feels to have finally found you.  I will kiss you with forgiveness because you will never be forgot.
I will not be afraid of your scars and worn out pages, because even if it’s hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection I want you to know

That wether it is the days you burn
More brilliant than the sun,
Or the nights spent cradling a bottle of ***
To wash away thoughts of yesterday
You are the one who stole my heart, and that’s something I find so hard to give.
I will love you when you are a still day,
And I will love you when you are a hurricane.
Because no mater how bad the rain
There’s always sunshine after a storm.

I am not your first love.
You are not the first person I have looked at with a mouthful of possible forevers.
We have known more heartache than most, loosing hope for this final moment.
Because we have both known loss like the jagged edges of a dull knife.
We had giving up on love.

Then I saw you in the waiting line.

Fair skinned, blonde hair tucked behind your ears, and deep sea green eyes looked back at me.
Then you wrapped your arms around my waist just long enough making my soul ache to just be seen.
From that moment after I couldn’t get you out of my head.
Then just two days later I’m starring at your purest self lying naked in my bed.

Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came without forage or fight.
It came when we had given up on asking love to come.
But here we are your hand in mine laughing, under the setting sun.

I will write poems to the pieces of you that you can’t seem to find, like they got stolen or lost along the way to find a home. I will write novels to the scars above your waist. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way that it feels to have finally found you.  I will kiss you with forgiveness because you will never be forgot.
I will not be afraid of your scars and worn out pages, because even if it’s hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection I want you to know :

That wether it is the days you burn
More brilliant than the sun,
Or the nights spent cradling a bottle of ***
To wash away yesterday pain.
Please know that you are the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen.
And I will love you when you are a still day,
And I will love you when you are a hurricane.
Because no mater how bad the rain
There’s always sunshine after a storm.

My death with be liberating

And I do not say that in the sense
That I am searching for a cliff
To take a good jump off
No.

I am only trying to find an honest way
To tell you
That I am clueless to what happens next.

You see,
There is a fine line between
Dreaming
And mortality.

Live the full life of the mind,
Fascinated by new thoughts
Your soul longs to find.
Intoxicated by the strange,
Find comfort in the unfamiliar
Get lost purposely in places that
No one knows your name.

She smelled of old books and great stories
If you looked upon her you could see all the lives she lived through in all the pages she read
Like the ink left the paper and found a home within her skin
She was a walking novel with hidden stories living inside her head
When she spoke the world grew silent just to hear the untold words she held tightly within
As if her words were oxygen and without them no one could breathe
Her eyes the color of stormy skies
If you looked close enough the black in her eyes was an endless void, a doorway to the world she hid inside.

I have a hidden love for shadows,
A darkness that follows all.
I seek them with a lust hidden deep below,
The thought that death cannot make me fall.
For it is this life that’s filled with evil and malice to the unknown

I am greedy in my self-loathing
And euphoric in my bliss

I am a half empty half full
Glass of bad habits

I stand until my knees give out
Because it all hurts until it doesn’t

And then, it hurts some more

I used to hide my scars, forever ashamed by the marks covering my skin. From my wrists to my thighs, fading little white lines. Starring at them now like my skin is a piece of paper waiting for an author to mark me with his words. I don’t hide my scars anymore, for they have created a place to write poetry.

What is it that you fear so much that you have to burry it away into the darkness of the unconscious?

Have you ever thought about your life without the demanding concept of time? Chances are you probably can’t, one of the very first things we learn is how to tell time. You know the year, the month, the day of week, right down to the time of day. You have tiny clocks on your wrists, some hung on your walls, there’s one on your screen and even your car. It’s funny how man is so dependent on time. Surrounding ourselves with a paralyzing concept that only man endures. When all around us in nature time is simply ignored, the birds are  not late, and wolves don’t fret over the passing of birthdays. See the world around us lives free while man suffers from the fear of time running out.

Everything that exists in our universe,
Whether it can be seen or unseen,
Consists of pure energy.
All matter, even our thoughts and emotions have their own vibrational frequency.
Our subconscious thoughts are inseparably connected to the rest of the universe.
As our conscious mind dwells habitually on a thought or idea, they become imbedded within the subconscious mind.
They form into the dominant vibration and it resonates with similar vibrations drawing them into our lives.
The whole universe is mind

These walls around me have ears,
And all the doors have eyes.
The trees have voices,
And the devil tells lies.
Blinking back tears
Fighting the urge to cry
Be careful for the snow
And beware the man
You think you know.

Be a writer who doesn't know where the next sentence will take her. A writer who focuses on her own self, studying her own brain. A writer whose heart is bursting with love and desire. A writer sly enough to give the clues to her secrets in the crevices of her pages. A writer whose words spread thought in others to give people a sense of purpose. But it's alright that she doesn't always know what she's thinking until she writes it. It's as if the words already exist somewhere and they just pour out of her thoughts. Be a writer whose mind is such a twisted place, crammed full of beauty, with darkness, the sun and a touch of madness.

I'm on my way to where I started
This lonely place I have found myself in
Has too many followers to a certain crowd
of society that only participlated people live in.
They surround themselves with what they call a feeling of being perfect.
We are not perfect people, no matter how hard we try to be. There will always be controversy over who's body shape is better than another's.
If life has taught me anything, is that we are all one being, one thought, all connected in nature. Falling in love with your spiritual being is one of the most important moments in ones life.
Accepting is something I as a person often struggle with. Accepting oneself is hard because people think they could read about it in a book or newspaper down at the local gas station. No accepting oneself is to be loving towards themselves by showing off all their beautiful features that people love about themselves. Being. Insecure is a normal thing that all of us go through but reaching acceptance is like another step towards ones path to enlightenment.
Expand the mind to its fullest capacity. Fill your brain with all the information in the world that you can read in the New York City library. Share a coffee with a complete stranger in a hole in the wall cafe down Main Street.  Tell them how you are on a journey to enlightenment and this is your stop along the way, meeting new people to truly find oneself. Taking notes of everyone you see with crazy colored hair like you. Tallying up the marks of girls you see walking in Central Park smoking American spirt cigarettes, cause you know you'd never quit.

Looking at you is like standing in an art museum starring at such a masterpiece. You are a work of art, from you're jawline to the tip of your fingers. You're eyes are this blue green color that remind me of the sea. People would call us sinners, ******* eachother with a simple stare. I can't help but to touch you, and I always crave to feel you're body touching mine. Crying the words I love you, while taking my hand in yours and kissing it softly is how I lost myself in you're voice. Following the sweet sound of the melodies you sing I wander off to dream.

"How could you do this?" She looked at him in disbelief. Tears forming in his eyes, he looked at her with love and said "darling, I love you but I have to set you free."

She's the girl who only drinks black coffee
And smokes menthol cigarettes
With her lipstick staining the filter
She laughs at corny jokes
And dances in the rain
until her hair is soaking wet
She's the girl who listens to birds singing
In the mornings before spring
And writes poetry about heartbreaks
She is the storm before a hurricane

If I told you I loved you,
What would you say?
Would you love me too,
Or walk away?

Fall in love with the words dripping out of his mouth while his lips are pressed against yours and his hands are caressing your face. Fall in love with the way he walks and hangs around his friends, fall in love with his voice that speaks softly when he's whispering in your ear about how beautiful you look today. Fall in love with his fear of losing you, because your as scared as he is. Fall in love with the moments not the days, fall in love with the nights full of drunken laughter and all the smoke you share in your lungs. Fall in love with his hands and the way they can caress your body or smack your ***. Fall in love with his angels, but don't forget to love his demons.

I'm in love with the thought of being in love, and which love in itself is a completely different form of love in someone or something. Love is a concept that can be created as a chemical, so understanding the balances of love is understanding being in love. Be in love with your thoughts of conception because I'm in love with mine.

Pyschedlics in the sky
Just love on my mind
Lust in the sun
And empty bottles of ***
Bitterness on my tounge
Psychedelic paterns trip in my eyes
Laughter is so hard to find
Skinny dippin just to have a lil fun
Cigarettes hanging on my lip
Smoke Filling up my lungs
I can't see no more
Dancing around
In psychedelic skys

It's just a blank slate, take it and run my dear.


Because these only come once in a lifetime,


make no mistake. This is your blank slate.

Let me tell you a story, of how the raindrops feel when they touch your skin. The first drop you will barely notice. The second you'll ask if it's raining. The third you're prepared for, taking it all in you feel the wetness of the drop rolling slowly down across your arm. You feel the rain hit your skin and you melt into the earth as such a Devine being letting the dirt cover your body and the flowers curl around your limbs. Mother Earth has brought you home, into the earth where you belong. First it was raindrops falling in your skin, now the world is above your body and your falling into the earth like Alice down the rabbit hole.

I hope I give you nightmares that wake you up in the middle of the night and make you sweat. Now you know how I felt, when I was wide awake. You ****** me once, I won't let you **** me twice. Shame on you, shame on me. I hope I make you sick, sick to your stomach. When you think of me, think of heartbreak. Feel what I felt for days. *******, for making me this way. I hope the blood on my wrist makes you cringe.

He is everywhere
The places I eat
The places I sleep
The cigarettes I smoke
The music that plays
The stars at night
The clouds in the sky
He is everywhere
But I can't see him

I will never get tired of you calling me beautiful, or moving the hair from my face or the way you grab the back of my neck when you want to kiss me and hold me in place. I will never grow old of you saying Im adorable, or the way you smile at me when you think I'm not looking. I won't get bored of your dance moves or the way you sing. The way you laugh at my jokes even when they aren't funny, or the way you stare at me like you are searching for my soul. I will never grow tired of you

Lust is such a powerful drug
In seconds you can become so addicted
You don't even begin to realize you are an addict
Just craving lust

Meet me at the river, so I can kiss my poetry into you're mouth. And whisper poems down you're neck to send shivers up your spine. Lay naked with me on rocks in moonlight so you can see just my naked silhouette. This way you make love to my darkness, so you can love me in daylight. I will kiss your fingertips one by one telling you all the things I've come to love. Just stare into my eyes until see yourself only smaller and upside down, tell me about it when it happens so we can giggle and I can fall in love with your laugh again. Hold my hand as we run and jump into the river in the dead of night just the two of us swimming and dancing under the stars surrounded by water. Gaze at the stars and point out all your favorite constellations and I'll show you mine. Meet me there, down by the river so I can give you me.

She has lived her whole life saying she wants to be a Poet. But inside her, all she is searching for is to be someone elese's poetry.

He has this way about him, he flows like the river and sings like the ocean waves crashing into the sand on a winter morning at the beach
He laughs in colors that bloom flowers like it's always spring and he walks with such elegance that each step he takes is a new breath of life if he's walking in your direction. He speaks in sounds of church bells ringing in your ears with sweet songs of the universe. He was born from the cosmos shining like stars in a midnight sky. He puts the world to shame, when he says my name in the hushed silence of a nervous mess. He speaks softly but his words hold such power that you could believe anything coming out of his mouth.

She held the stars in the palms of her hands, watching the universe beyond her dancing on her fingertips she fell in love with the thought of controlling the moon and which way the earth rotates she would give you her hands and pour stars into your glass she would give nights to days and days to nights, so there wasn't any darkness. She gave you the sun while holding the moon. Losing her ways through the stars she became lost in a universe so small it lay in the hands of nothing more than a thought of her.

Now, we move forward
We shake hands
And part ways
Have a last glance over the shoulder
And walk silently back
To your miserable life
Starring a rings that once was a promise
Now lays deep in the ocean
Of lost marriages and affairs
Thinking back to past memories
Only leaves you with an empty bottle of *****
Now your staring at the guy across the bar
The average male, handsome and tall
With white teeth and black hair
He looks back at you and sips his glass
Then the room stops for just a second
And then guy across the bar turns into him
Blinking once or twice you look at the man drinking his glass and wonder if your going home with him tonight.
Now your sleeping around with all the not so average anymore guys and his face doesn't pop up much anymore
And you think your happy, but your just drinking to subside the pain
Thinking that one more shot won't hurt
Then your too drunk to drive
So that **** ****** bag who was hitting on you all night takes you home and ***** you till your nothing but disgusted with yourself
Now your walking home in shame trying to call a cab because your life ***** and your lungs are full of cigarettes and there's always bags under your eyes and your eyeliner is smeared every night
You look at yourself now and you look a little too skinny, oh yeah you forgot to eat last night.
Maybe you'll eat lunch this afternoon, but probably not. The guy from the office asked you out for a drink since he hears that your easy to ****. So you go about your day and don't even bother wearing a dress or heels cause you know it will come off anyways.
You walk out of the house expecting just another one night stand like all the rest
Then you think of him, the guy you parted ways with two years ago and you think of how your life's gone all to **** when he left you
And then everything went black
And you open your eyes
About to part ways from your loved one
But you stretch out your hand and grab his wrist he stares at you and kisses your lips
And the nightmare is gone

She walks with elegance
And speaks songs of silence

He told his family I was his friend. I didn't get the title girlfriend anymore in his eyes. To everyone I still introduce him as my boyfriend, the love of my life. Yeah, that's him. He's the one. But to him, I'm the friend. Not the love of his life, no not anymore. I was a month ago, now? Now I'm just her. I'm just the girl pondering over thoughts in my head every time I try to go to sleep just wondering when he will take me back. I didn't cheat, I didn't lie, I didn't do anything wrong except not be perfect. I am not a perfect person, I make mistakes and I let people down. But never, I mean never, did I let him down. I was his shoulder to cry on when he talked about his father. When he talked about how sad he used to be. I was there, I was always constantly there. And then he dissapeared. He left without saying goodbye. Yes he still talked to me everyday but he wasn't him anymore he was the guy who broke my heart. And now he will forever be the guy who broke my heart a thousand times in a thousand ways. He looks at me like I still put the stars in his ******* sky he still kisses me like I'm the only girl he will ever kiss. But maybe that's just the way I see it because I want it so badly to be real. It's been a month, a month since the day he broke my heart. I still run whenever he says to come. He has me wrapped around his pinky and I'm holding on for dear life, while he's the puppet master and I'm the puppet on strings.

I hate the person I used to be, I hate the person I've become.

I thought you were the one who was going to stand by my side through our lifetime. I thought you'd always hold me late at night when the demons came. I thought you would laugh when I said something funny. Now we barely speak and your holding her at night instead of me. Your walking through life holding her hand instead of mine. How am I supposed to breathe now when your not breathing with me.

I looked for love
In a bottle of *****
Spilling out my soul on everyone's tongue
They swallowed my love down their throat.
Calling it spit, they came to me with open arms
And smiles in their shy eyes making me believe I found love in a person with shy eyes
But I only loved how they smelt like alcohol when they whispered my name, or when they lifted up my shirt with hands full of bad intentions. Even the times I knew I shouldn't , I always did. I liked the way they watched me undress, like they wanted me. But only because I was stripping naked in front of them and guys like that just wanted to feel something. I thought I was loving people, but I was hating them, giving all my anger to them for pleasure only to find myself in the same spot
Falling in love
With a bottle of ***** dripping down my throat

I crave the attention but I won't admit it

I was in love with a boy, who just couldn't handle being in love with me

I was 8
Mom and dad were always fighting
I'd run to my closet
And close the doors
I could still hear the yelling
I begged them to stop
A couple of times
But they tucked me in bed
As if everything was fine
Then one day
They sat me down
In my little pink chair
They sat together
But farther apart than normal
On my bed
Starring at me
Just a little girl
With pigtails in her hair
Looking back
At mommy
And daddy
Everything got quiet
And then dad spoke up
He said baby girl
Mommy and I
Can't live together anymore
You'll see me every other week
And I'll be moving out
You can have a new room
With new toys
And it will all be okay
I didn't cry
I didn't say
I hated them
I just sat there quietly
Mom started crying
Saying it wasn't my fault
Or my big brothers
That there just comes a time
When you aren't happy anymore
And dad walked out
Mom soon followed
Dad moved away
I saw him every other week
They still fight now
When I'm 17
I realized I was always the reason
For the yelling and screaming